Cliff Lee refreshes MLBTradeRumors. Nothing doing. His nephews told him this was the place to find any and all trade rumors. But it is not the place to find Cliff Lee trade rumors.

He types his name into the search bar. The corner of his mouth curls when he sees words like “available,” “movable,” and “in flux.” He scrolls down some more. Bad news. “High salary,” “requesting huge return,” and “very little chance.”

Why do they keep writing my God damned age?

He opens another window. Google.com. phillies should trade cliff lee. The results are all over the place.

The Dodgers? Oh man. Nice weather. Good team. That would be cool.

Boston? I could play in Boston. I wouldn’t have to hit. They just won a World Series. I want to win a World Series. That would be cool too.

His eyes hurt. He should go to bed. His dog sighs from the floor of the adjacent room. He echoes it. He continues clicking and scrolling.

Lee would have to waive his no trade clause to be moved.

He picks up his phone and sends a text to his agent.

i told you that id waive my no trade right?

Is he up? Probably not.

He refreshes MLBTradeRumors again. Nothing new. His phone vibrates. A text from his agent.

yes

Here is the collection of important news necessary to be a competent speaker about world events while attending cocktail parties and intimate office affairs, such as secret fight clubs.

MLB Trade Rumors Permanently Discredited

The UN Council of Free Press announced that popular baseball transactions and rumors blog MLB Trade Rumors would be permanently barred from the international list of accredited news sources, known as LUNAN. The barring appears to be a direct result of this link, which shows MLBTR is guilty of citing four pages worth of Dayn Perry links.

Hyun-Jin Ryu Sings in a Song

ICYMI: Ryu Hyun-jin's latest song http://t.co/sg7RAzjai6 (I think he's the 3rd one that sings in the beginning??)

— Dan (@MyKBO) January 6, 2014

Read the rest of this entry »

Starting tonight!

MONDAY, JANUARY 6

7:00 PM You’re A Good Man, Charlie Gehringer

8:00 PM Rudolph the Red-Nosed Voter

9:00 PM Don Sutton’s Hair Tips

TUESDAY, JANUARY 7

7:00 PM Highlights from previous Hall of Fame Induction Ceremonies

7:04 PM Mike Mussina: Actually Pretty Darn Good, an MLB Network original special.

8:00 PM Alou’s The Boss

8:30 PM Walker: Colorado Rockie

9:00 PM Loaizaguy

9:30 PM Andre Dawson’s Creek

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8

9:00 AM Murray Chass and Jack Morris stroke each other’s mustaches live on TV for an hour.

10:00 AM Barbara Walters Special: 10 Most Fascinating Hall of Fame Voters, featuring interviews with beat reporters from around the country and covering topics like “best chili in Phoenix,” and “what makes for a good-quality pencil?”

11:00 AM Hall of Fame Results Announcement Red Carpet Special, with Joan and Melissa Rivers analyzing the fashion do’s and don’ts among baseball sportswriters.

12:00 PM Hall of Fame Results Announcement

1)      The screen reading software, allowing blind people to use computers — That JAWS seems pretty important. Bonus: people can use this JAWS to learn about the next JaWS.

2)      Jaffe WAR Score — Developed by mustachioed dynamo Jay Jaffe for Baseball Prospectus, and currently featured in his work on Sports Illustrated, this JaWS helps us sort through worthy and unworthy Hall of Fame candidates. Read the rest of this entry »

Dedicated to Cal Emery (1937-2010), whose 14-year professional playing career took him to Bakersfield, Des Moines, Asheville, Indianapolis, Chattanooga, Rochester, Arkansas, Hawaii, Seattle, San Diego, Buffalo, Eugene, Reading, and Osaka, Japan — and, for 19 proud at-bats, to the Philadelphia Phillies. Mr. Emery also served as the batting coach for the Chicago White Sox for a year, in addition to logging time as a minor league manager. At Penn State, where he won the Most Outstanding Player Award at the 1957 College World Series, he is remembered as one of the all-time greats. Here’s to you, Cal Emery.

According to internet reports and also grainy daguerreotypes like the one embedded here, it would appear as though Fifth Third Ballpark — on the outskirts of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and home to Tigers Midwest League affiliate, the West Michigan Whitecaps — is currently, or has been recently, on fire.

It’s not entirely clear what the proper course of action ought to be for the average citizen. Any demonstration of concern is, at some level, disingenuous — an attempt, like all reactions to news from afar, to participate in a drama that belongs to another community. On the other hand, this is presumably an event that will negatively impact at least one person’s life — and, for that reason, a development that naturally appeals to the human capacity for empathy.

What we know, at the very least, is that a ballpark is on fire. Or has been recently, at least.

Image stolen entirely from Twitter account of John Gonzalez.

Examples of not baseball players.

Within the last 24 hours, both former Twins prospect Joe Benson and also former excellent A’s left-hander Mark Mulder have signed minor-league deals with the Marlins and Angels, respectively. What if — this post asks, though — what if, instead of Benson and Mulder the baseball players, what if the Marlins and Angels had signed Benson and Mulder the beloved fictional characters of American television?

“I guess that’d be pretty weird,” someone would probably say. “Please stop talking to me,” is likely another comment a person could make. “That’s not really a thing,” a third, totally accurate source could also assert.

True, truer, and truest, is how one might evaluate all those claims, in no specific order.

I will not keep Justin Morneau on my Scoresheet fantasy team.

(I don’t have another first baseman. And Coors. And the obligatory “I am finally healthy this year” article that puts visions of Todd Helton in my head. Commenters, please talk me out of this.)

(INTERNET) — Holy crapballs.

Finally something to watch in the offseason. Need an accompanying tune? Give this a go. It’s New Years Day. You should be home. So don’t complain about NSFW lyrics.

Thanks to DRaysBay writer D. Russ for sharing this.