If you’re a fan of Brad Neely, internet songwriter/cartoonist, you’re probably familiar with the video “George Washington.” If you’re not, it’s a video about George Washington, Washington, six-foot-eight, weighs a fucking ton. There’s more, of course, but you’ll just have to watch the video

The Texas Rangers have a manager whose last name is also Washington. And now Ron Washington also has a similarly styled song and cartoon accompaniment in his… well, I would call it honor, but it’s actually not respectful in the slightest. But I laughed really hard at it. So there’s that.

(Doff of the cocaine-stache to Luke Zimmerman on Twitter)

Loyal NotGraphs-reader, Nick, sends us this little nugget of a slice of a part of life. Above we have featured celebratory catcher Yadier Molina, fist-pumping his fist, pumped about the Cardinals’ first World Series appearance since 2006.

The majesty of the still-photo, though, is how it makes ever-saddened, cycle-hitting Mark Kotsay appear as though he is forlornly calling his shot.

But instead of some strange post-game called-shot, we in truth have pictured the near-exact moment, which had been inevitable to the men in the dugout for a few innings at this point, that ended 25 men’s seasons — began their TV-watching, golfing, and everything else winters — and extended the lights, interviews, and day jobs for the men wearing “Cardinals” on their shirts.

Maybe society is to blame.

In a highly unorthodox move, Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland announced during a press conference yesterday that he was shutting down ace Justin Verlander for the entirety of the off-season.

“With an arm like that, you don’t want to take any chances,” Leyland said.  “So, yeah, he’s done  for the off-season.  I don’t want him pitching, playing catch, signing autographs, giving interviews, going to see Reel Steel, baking anything, going out in public.  Really, all we’re gonna let him do in the next couple of months is to brush his teeth – with his left hand of course – and some light pool workouts.”

Later, he added: “You’re absolutely going to see Justin again.  Just not until opening day.”

Approached after the anouncement Leyland, characteristicaly enigmatic, kept repeating these three phrases – ‘no-brainer’, ‘slam dunk’, and ‘whiffle ball’ – before rolling back to Tiger headquarters on his motorized scooter.

It appears the wheels are already in motion as Verlander could not be reached or  found for comment.

“You think The Boston Globe told you the whole story, with Terry Francona’s drug addiction, Jon Lester’s fried chicken binge eating, and Theo Epstein turning a blind eye? You don’t know the half of it. The real story behind the Red Sox September collapse goes so much deeper. First, there’s the prostitution ring Jason Varitek was running from the dugout. Then there’s Dan Wheeler introducing a flesh-eating virus that devoured much of the bullpen. And you can’t forget David Ortiz, working with scientists to create secret clones of most of his teammates that were 40% less good at playing baseball than the real versions. There’s a closet in the bowels of the stadium where the real Carl Crawford and Daniel Bard are trapped, surviving only on the remains of Joey Gathright and Lars Anderson. And let’s not forget the distraction that Zombie Matt Albers created, trying to eat the other players.

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Let’s face it, reading a baseball site like FanGraphs (but not NotGraphs, of course!) is pretty nerdy. If you want to double down on being a baseball nerd, the best route is fantasy baseball. But what if you want to triple your nerdity?

To the Academy!

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Today we answer the most important question of the last 30 or so seconds — namely, “Which of the players in the Milwaukee Brewers lineup for Game Five of the 2011 NLCS — which of those players’ names appear in the Oxford English Dictionary?”

Answers below. You’re frigging welcome, thousand people who read this.

1. Hart, RF: Noun. The male of the deer, esp. of the red deer; a stag; spec. a male deer after its fifth year.
2. Hairston, 3B: N/A.
3. Braun, LF: Not in OED. But braunite is. Noun. An anhydrous oxide of manganese, a brittle dark brownish-black mineral occurring both crystallized and massive.
4. Fielder 1B: Noun. A person who or animal which works in a field. (Rare.)
5. Weeks, 2B: Not in OED. But it is a plural of week. Noun. The cycle of seven days, recognized in the calendar of the Jews and thence adopted in the calendars of Christian, Muslim, and various other peoples; a single period of this cycle, i.e. a space of seven successive days beginning with the day traditionally fixed as the first day of the week.
6. Betancourt, SS: N/A.
7. Gomez, CF: N/A.
8. Lucroy, C: Not in OED. But luctation is. Noun. Struggling, wrestling; an instance of this. (Obsolete.)
9. Greinke, P: N/A.

click to enlarge

Texas Rangers pitcher Derek Holland, whose twitter name is Dutch_Oven45 (let’s just leave it), posted this tweet last week:

fantasy football can deff make u very frustrated at times, few guys had awesome days today on my bench , so happy

My interpretation of these fine words is above, the first in what will be a series of me taking things literally on paper.

Halloween is less than three weeks away, NotGraphers. Have you chosen a costume yet? If not, you are in luck. We’re here to advise you.

Vampires, witches, zombies, ghosts, mummies, and sexy nurses are all so passé, you see. It’s time to add some pizazz to your All Hallows’ Eve getup by going as your favorite MLB personality.

I have saved you the trouble of going out of your way (to that seedy seasonal Halloween store in the bombed out shopping center in the building where the Blockbuster Video used to be with that cashier with his forehead pierced) by listing the necessary components for each respective costume along with links to online stores from which they can be purchased. Mindful of our tough economic times, these costumes are carefully constructed to cost you no more than $100 (before shipping).

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We weren’t all born as beautiful as Gabe Kapler. But we were born better looking than the ugly ones, so we can get a little happiness from the downward social comparison that is picking the All Ugly Team.

Also, let’s be clear. Your faithful correspondent is placing himself as the bench coach of this team. Ugly enough to belong, but not ugly enough to lead the team. Plus, we know that God Loves Ugly, so there’s that. And! I’ve never played a second of organized ball for a dime, so they have all got something on me, and most of you I presume.

But we can still have a little fun with this, can’t we?

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In case you haven’t heard about it, there’s been quite a bit of hubbub over chicken in Boston lately. Also, video games and beer. How anybody could think about blaming anything on these triumphs of humanity is beyond me, but what Dan Schaughnessy wants, he gets.

Meanwhile, one football writer in the area, Greg Bedard of the Boston Globe, really grabbed this one and ran with it:

I get jokes!

Unfortunately for others in the Boston football media, like Ian Rapoport of the Boston Herald, such jokes often attract some very dense questions.

Maybe he was just hungry. Or maybe Hernandez is simply becoming the next vessel of a chicken-demon haunting Boston sports since October. I simply don’t think any reporter worth his salt can dismiss such a quality.

Or maybe he was just hungry.