In 2002, I joined the Cuban national baseball team, and I was instantly a superstar. .324, 21 home runs, 82 RBI, and I even pitched in a game. I set seven rookie records. In my second season, I hit .391. Then they banned me for talking to an agent. I didn’t talk to an agent. But once they banned me, what choice did I have? Twelve times I tried to escape to the U.S. I ended up in jail. Finally, I got to Florida, but then I needed to establish foreign residency to avoid the MLB Draft, so I went to the Dominican Republic. The Angels scouted and signed me. The Dominican Republic delayed my paperwork. Finally, I was allowed to play ball in the U.S. And so what if they thought my name was Kendry instead of Kendrys? After all I risked to come here, what does one letter of my name really matter?

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Forgive me, but this post is (largely) not very funny. Some of you might argue that my posts are never funny. Those people are wrong. Wrongity, wrongity, wrong. To quote the great Lt. Steven Hauk:

Anyway, there are a couple agitators in the comments section around here who are distraught…in every post…that Tim McCarver has won the Ford C. Frick Award. On the one hand, it’s a little understandable. Tim McCarver has been off the top of his game for quite some time now. He still has a strong handle on what a pitcher and catcher are thinking at a given moment, and especially about catcher technique, but it’s entirely reasonable for someone to conclude, based on his recent body of work, that McCarver’s selection is ridiculous.
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Danny Knobler of CBS Sports is reporting that the Detroit Tigers are close to signing veteran right-handed reliever Octavio Dotel. If and when the deal is made official, the Tigers will become Dotel’s 13th team in 14 seasons.

That’s not technically everywhere, but it’s a-bunch-of-where.

To wit:

Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla.

Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana,
Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana,
Monterey, Faraday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa,
Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa,
Tennessee to Tennesse Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake.

Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika,
Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica,
Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport,
Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport,
Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina,
Pasadena, Catalina.

Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellensburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City.

Credit to Baseball Reference for minor-league information.

This comes to us via Blue Jay Hunter’s perfectly lovely Twitter feed. Please enjoy:

This is from “Bring Your Kid to Work Day,” and I tell no tales when I say this contains multitudes. The younger Master Rauch looks excited, as he should be. “Bring Your Kid to Work Day” is always rousing for the tyke in question, and I imagine this is doubly so when your pops is a ballplayer or a dinosaur. The elder Rauch, however, wears quite a different countenance. While his boy can fittingly be described as “a happy young man,” Mr. Rauch, save for his sated girth, resembles one of the indigent defeated from a Walker Evans photograph.

This affirms what parents have long known: children are drought and famine.

Here’s how life works, basically:

1. Get born.

2. Meet a woman.

3. Have kids.

4. Google “yakov smirnoff” baseball.

5. Die.

Othello (or O., as the kids are calling it these days), is ostensibly about revenge (or racism, as any collegiate Shakespeare survey course worth a damn will tell you),  revolving around Iago and his plan to unravel the titular character.  Said plan is devious and complex, involving multiple moving parts and perfect timing.  I haven’t read it in a long, long time – and I haven’t even thought about it since I was dozing off in the back of forementioned Shakespeare survey course worth a damn – but I do remember that things end up pretty badly for all involved.  And that there was something important about a handkerchief. 

Anyways, this prank is kind of like that.

With the likelihood increasing that Jimmy Rollins will return to the Phillies and Rafael Furcal won’t be signing with the Brewers, beat writer Tom Haudricourt of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel believes it’s likely that Yuniesky Betancourt will once again be the Brewers starting shortstop in 2012.

Let’s gauge the public reaction on that, via this sharply embedded YouTube video…

The convention floor now displays before unshielded eyes the full complement of Bacchanalian excesses. Delegates have died from too many drinks, opiates and hastily administered “Happy Clancy’s” in the men’s room. Such is the political process.

The bloodshed, though, has yielded 10 names, all listed below and all approved by the codpieced Utmost Culminating Exchequer. So which ballplayer shall forevermore be known as “Hot Lettuce”? Please vote in the manner most likely to spare your life …

Thank you for exercising the franchise.

When Marlins beat writer Joe Capozzi tweeted that Albert Pujols’s decision was “Coming down to wire, possibly before sunrise,” we knew it would be a long day for those poor souls down there at the Winter Meetings in Dallas journalisming all over the place to stay energized so they could keep us all up to date with the latest journalism. (Click = Embiggen.)

Luckily, there is a Denny’s on site so those involved can stay energized, like Dodgers writer Dylan Hernandez, and continue to provide us with this great service.

Godspeed, sir.

Beloved, as you’ve undoubtedly already read, given that you are savvy denizens of the World Wide Web of Internets, the Baseball Writers Association of America (its induction ceremony pictured to the right) came to its senses yesterday and added FanGraphs to its list of BBWAA approved producers of baseball content.  Along with this designation, FanGraphs will undoubtedly receive a vote in upcoming award balloting for the AL and NL MVP, Cy Young, Rookie of the Year and Manager of the Year elections.  And in ten years, God-willing and the crik don’t run dry, a Hall of Fame vote (just in time to vote one last time for Tim Raines before he’s shuffled off the ballot…nice timing).

What has not been made clear is who will be doing the voting for FanGraphs.  Being that we value mob rule more than silly concepts like logic or fairness, it’s important that you make your voices heard above the din of the lot of us arguing that we deserve the vote more than Dave Cameron because we want it more (also known as the Charlie Bucket defense).

Anyway, please tell us who you would like to cast the important BBWAA votes for Fangraphs.  Make sure you read through all your options, and choose carefully.  In the interest of fairness, I’ve excluded myself as one of the choices, given how I’d win. For you have come to love me, but I don’t think I’ve been here long enough to deserve it.  Better to honor these men who built this city on rock and roll. It’s good that I’m humble enough to realize that.

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