Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “Hot Lettuce”

The convention floor now displays before unshielded eyes the full complement of Bacchanalian excesses. Delegates have died from too many drinks, opiates and hastily administered “Happy Clancy’s” in the men’s room. Such is the political process.

The bloodshed, though, has yielded 10 names, all listed below and all approved by the codpieced Utmost Culminating Exchequer. So which ballplayer shall forevermore be known as “Hot Lettuce”? Please vote in the manner most likely to spare your life …

Thank you for exercising the franchise.