It’s not every day — or even once, really — that you see a professional base-and-ball player (in this case, former Giant and Pirate and Philly John Bowker) holding an eel. It’s all a bit mysterious, really.

Luckily, the above image — which gentleman’s gentleman’s gentleman Patrick Newman has found for us at Japanese site Sanspo — is accompanied by a caption.

While the caption is in Japanese, that’s no problem, really: everything is illuminated by Google Translate, as follows.

Matheson grab a giant eel (left) and Bouka = 10 Sun, Miyazaki city to get a giant eel Matheson (Kumiko Chubachi-shooting) (left) and Bouka = 10 Sun, Miyazaki City (Kumiko Chubachi-shooting)

Pretty self-explanatory, really. Bouka = 10 Sun, Kumiko Chubachi shooting: all the normal stuff you’ve come to expect of this world.

The world is plum full of photos. As evidence, here is that Japanese news site, covering Yu Darvish as he boards a plane for LAX:

Because I don’t speak the Japanese, I must build my reactions from scratch.

QUICK REACTION: Darvish is wearing hipster glasses. HE IS NOT READY FOR THE PRESSURES OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.
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The lives of Archie Bradley and Dylan Bundy are intertwined like so much twine that has been woven or otherwise joined together. Both are right-handed pitchers taken in the first round (Bundy at fourth overall, Bradley at seventh) of the most recent draft. Both were the stars of their respective Oklahoma high school teams. And both those high school teams played each other to decide the 2011 Oklahoma state 6-A baseball championship. Furthermore, there is a distinct physical resemblance between the two — particularly in the Haircut part of the body.

The observer is struck by a notable difference in these images however (which the author definitely didn’t come across while attempting to scratch a certain newfound itch for sporting collectibles) — namely, that Bradley appears to be a cheerful sort, at harmony with the world and everything in it, and with a conscience as clean as a Cotton Mather’s codpiece. On the other hand, there is Bundy (more like Moribundy, innit?), a decidedly sullen-looking type, wearing the expression of one who’s peered into the lower elements of his soul and been unable to shake from his mind’s eye what he saw there.

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Over at the dad’s house, FanGraphs+ 2012 has been being touted as a “steal” or “deal”. The subscription includes over 1,100 player profiles written by the FanGraphs and RotoGraphs contributors, 11 in depth fantasy-themed articles — including the second annual Cistulli-Sarris faceoff, Mike Trout vs. Bryce Harper, and my new best friend “Ottoneu Strategies for Every Setting.” Oh, and it also includes 2-3 weekly articles written by FanGraphs staff for ESPN throughout this year, AND the FanGraphs+ archives from the last two years. Whew. That’s all for $4.99, which may lead you to believe that you would be hard pressed to find anything so awesome for such a small price tag. You’d be believing wrong. I present: Things Cheaper Than FanGraphs+:

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One thing that NotGraphs readers might not know about me is that I’m a huge fan of alternate history stories. This is one reason that I found this Bleacher Report article/slideshow so utterly enthralling. 

So enthralling, indeed, that I felt compelled to take the premise and run with it. Please find my Jesus Montero “What Would Have Been” moment submissions below.

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At times and perforce, the homilist’s greatest rhetorical device is knowing when to fall silent and allow the miracles to unfurl in that silence, like an abundant dong released from its underthings. Now is such a time …

Now go and live this day as though it be your last.

(A Minnesotan’s passion: @ratsoff)

Dear Buddy,

Winter’s end is closer. Bills pile but, oh, done with ’em. Bored? Spring! Birds all over! Got a glover, lover? A lent one. Jersey? Ball? Bats? Field? Games please. Eat on your, a, pork chop, Buddy. Not hard, fatty. Bad news? Dang. Snow’s fine. We’re ready.

Done. Goodnight.

A Boomer Whipple to Jeff Sullivan & Jon Bois, whose twitter game inspired this post.

Careful in your misdeeds, children. For Kevin Bass is watching you …

No one gets away with anything. Lo, the giant, unblinking eyes of Kevin Bass see all.

(Disconcerting stare: BBTF)

The damning evidence.

One of my favorite games to play is the Blame Game, which is why I’d like to begin this post by blaming the parties most directly responsible for my heinous actions on the afternoon of February 9th, 2012 — which actions involved mainly the prolonged research, and subsequent purchase, of 24 baseball cards, coming to a total of approximately $50.

I blame the internet’s Common Man for forcing me to attend TwinsFest the weekend before last, an event (i.e. TwinsFest) that forced me to become curious about The State of the Hobby. I blame the editors of BaseballCardPedia (and recent podcast guests) Chrises Harris and Thomas for patiently answering all my questions about The State of the Hobby. I blame my wife for leaving me at home, unattended, for hours at a time, as if I knew how to take care of myself. I blame the neurotransmitter dopamine — and the reward system of my brain, generally — for somehow allowing the research, and subsequent purchase, of baseball cards to provide me with great pleasure. And finally, I blame Big Oil — which, even though they didn’t do anything specifically, they’re probably somehow involved.

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When I look at R.A. Dickey, I see only one thing — and that thing is not even R.A. Dickey himself.

This man climbed Kilimanjaro.

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