The Longest Home Run David Laurila Has Ever Seen

In the introduction to the most recent edition of FanGraphs Audio — featuring interviews with Tampa Bayers Will Rhymes and Luke Scott — David Laurila notes that the longest home run he’s ever seen was hit by Miguel Cabrera during batting practice before a recent Tigers-Red Sox game at Fenway Park.

Laurila goes on to say that said home run was hit over the Bank of America sign in center field — which sign I have brought to the reader’s attention via red circles by means of a program similar to, but not precisely the same as, Adobe Photoshop.

Image stolen shamelessly and without shame from NESN.


GIF: Martin Maldonado Voodoo Blessings

Last night, Brewers infielder Taylor Green hit his first major league homerun.

Green’s current Brewers teammate (and longtime minor league teammate) catcher Martin Maldonado — who also recently hit his first big league homer — was, maybe, very excited for Green:

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1955: Humanity’s Bad Face Year

Can someone explain to me what was going on in 1955? Was everyone contorted by fear of Communist infiltration? Were chemical mutagens being released experimentally into major league clubhouses? Did Topps photographers surprise players on their way out of the bathroom? And then run their portraits through Photo Booth for Mac?

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Found: Shirtless, Pantless Dock Ellis Paper Doll

As students of history and Uncle History himself are well aware, Hall of Famer Nathan Hale (class of 2002) long insisted that paper dolls have nipples. Now, for the first time since Antiquity, when Hale was CEO of Activision and King of All He Surveyed, a paper doll has nipples. Notable for our purposes, the paper doll is of Dock Ellis, who, besides playing baseball, drank deeply of the good and worthy …

In equally uplifting news, you may purchase this at Etsy, where durable goods are made into art and then sold over the Bald Eagle Computers of this fair land.

(HT: Me, for finding this)


Ask NotGraphs (#20)

Dear NotGraphs,

I manage a fantasy baseball team for my father. “Our” team is in 2nd place. He likes to brag to his friends that he’s the greatest Fantasy Team Owner ever, because he hired a great GM to do all the work for him. He hasn’t paid me yet, so I assume I still have time to negotiate an appropriate salary. What’s the going rate for a fantasy GM of a 2nd place team in a free fantasy baseball league?

Sincerely,

Sonofthegreatestfantasyteamownerever

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Video: Dickey vs. Wang, The Trailer

The result of this afternoon’s Mets and Nationals game doesn’t matter. We’ve all already won.

Actually, now that I think about it, the result does matter. Between Dickey and Wang, who will last longer? Everything is on the line.

Enjoy, my friends, because it’s unlikely a matchup this perfect ever comes around again. It’s an amazing time to be alive.

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Henry Cotto Gets Real

Today, when I woke up, I felt a heavy crust over my eyes. But the crust was not a physical crust; it was, as the French say, crasse-de-la-vie, that which accumulates on our minds as we move through life, unaware. I lie in bed for a long time with this so-called crust on my eyes. I feel it weigh my eyes to the back of my skull. I spread my fingers out over the sheets. There is no reason to wipe my eyes — there is nothing actually there. There is no reason.


“I look in the mirror and think, ‘What is this thing?'”

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Audio: Joe Castiglione Buys a Cake

It’s clear as day from the embedded audio below that radio voice of the Red Sox Joe Castiglione bought a cake on Tuesday. What’s less obvious is where he bought it. One of Life’s Mysteries, is what it continues to be.

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Draft Recap

Courtesy of the analysts over at MLB Network, who previewed the draft this past weekend with just about the most generic comments I can imagine. This is a cut and paste, with only the names replaced. Really, I didn’t change anything.

“This guy is one of those unique athletes that you rarely come across. He has the chance to be a once-in-a-generation player. That team needs to be thinking long term and not worry about drafting a player who is going to make an immediate impact. This guy has the chance to be a star when he reaches the majors, and he’ll be another nice piece in that team’s youth movement.”

“There are very few players that come up and make an immediate impact at the major league level. This is a sport where players go through learning stages and develop in the minor leagues. With that said, if you’re looking for that player who has the chance to make the biggest impact, I’d take this guy. He’s a middle-of-the-diamond player with a big-time arm and speed. I think his offense has to catch up to his defense, but he has high upside.”

“He’s totally projectable. He won’t be quick to the big leagues, but he’s special. He’s a grinder and usually you don’t hear that word associated with the superstar talent. Anybody who is a legend wherever they played high school sports, I always find special.”

“He’s got the right instincts to be a professional major league hitter. You’re never sure how catchers will grow offensively and its possible this guy has to move out from behind the plate. He’s hit wherever he’s played.”

“He’s a lefthander who has a good feel for the game. I always like players that get the most of out their talent because they’re smart ballplayers. I’ve seen this guy pitch a few times and I’ve seen him outsmart hitters, which is nice to see at the college level.”

“You just got hired, you know you don’t have to win right now. Don’t go with something for right now when you could miss out on a superstar. This is that team’s chance to get a future superstar.”

Amazing analysis.


The REAL Problem with Daniel Bard

The real problem with Daniel Bard — certainly way more pressing than any velocity or command issues (ahem, Dave Cameron) — is that he’s in space without a space suit. According to Wikipedia, Bard’s flesh will expand to about twice its size in the hard vacuum of space, and he’s likely to lose consciousness within the next 15 seconds due the effects of oxygen starvation. Hopefully, he didn’t just hold his breath, either, because apparently that can cause explosive decompression, which’d basically ruin his lungs.