David Berman’s Actual Air isn’t the reason I started writing poems — it was to impress fine ladies that I did that. Nor was it the first book to change my entire notion of what poems could be — some combination of Charles Simic’s The World Doesn’t End and Kenneth Koch’s entire oeuvre did that.

Indeed, I was rather skeptical of Berman’s book when I first saw it — on account of he was a musician, is why, and musicians are famously unashamed of everything, whereas writing good poems requires a great deal of shame. Endless shame, really.

In the interest of making a rather short story even shorter, what happened is, is I did eventually read and did very much liked David Berman’s first and only book. For a number of reasons, certainly, is why I enjoyed it — but a relevant one to this blog are the numerous references to baseball and/or baseball things.

References like these three which follow. (Note: links are available to the first two poems. I was unable to find the Cantos online, however.)

From Community College in the Rain:

Announcement: Today we will discuss the energy in a wing
and something about first basemen.

Read the rest of this entry »

Last night, Aramis Ramirez hit a homerun vs. the Blue Jays that was initially called foul ball by third base umpire Paul Nauert. Brewers manager Ron Roenicke contested, the umpire crew agreed review the play, and the new ruling was that it was a homerun. It was a solo shot that gave the Brewers a 7-6 lead in the bottom of the seventh. They would hold on to win by the same score. (Sorry, Navin.)

Given that the Brewers had just blown a five-run lead, capped by a three-run monster mash by Joey Bats, and that this was the first reviewed call at Miller Park this season, it’s understandable the Brewers play-by-play man Brian Anderson was a bit excited. His partner, former Brewers catcher and longtime color man Bill Schroeder, initially said the original ruling probably wouldn’t be overturned with the video provided. Then, Anderson provided this “thing to note”:

Read the rest of this entry »

Are you a baseball player looking to get a divorce?

The law firm of Edwards & Associates has a web page specifically for you.

Divorce and Family Law for Professional Baseball Players

We have the experience in high-asset divorce to represent MLB players, including up-and-coming prospects who are waiting for a call-up from the minors. A major league career can be very lucrative, with average salaries around $3 million and an average MLB career of more than five years. With signing bonuses and guaranteed contracts, it’s certainly a good living.

We also understand the realities of baseball — the wear and tear of 162 games in 180 days (not including spring training or the playoffs), the long trips away from the wife and kids, and living life in the media fishbowl. Some marriages just aren’t built for that life.

When the marriage has broken down to the point of divorce, Edwards & Associates can represent either party (the ballplayer or the spouse) in contested proceedings. We handle the special issues for baseball players and their families:

Property division and alimony
Division of MLB pensions
Child custody and visitation
Determination of child support
Paternity suits

This makes me so proud to be licensed to practice law.*

*If any MLB players (or their wives!) are reading this and need someone to help with their divorce, please contact me to arrange a private consultation.

I had no idea who Juan Berenguer was, had never heard of him, not once, until I saw that, above, at Old Time Family Baseball.

Baseball players come and go. Thousands of them, over a lifetime. That is how I hope you remember Juan Berenguer.

Actually, Berenguer, I’ve discovered, was kind of a big deal. He had a few nicknames: “El Gasolino,” “Senor Smoke,” and “Pancho Villa.” All of them awesome.

Then I found this, about the “Berenguer Boogie”:

Read the rest of this entry »

The unwritten rules of baseball extend into the crowd. For example, there’s a decorum that governs when spectators should boo. Sometimes gentleman, sometimes bartender Jon Rauch helps us out:

Very disappointed with the fans who booed Jason Bay as he came off the field. This is a serious injury that affects his livelihood (cont)

— Jon Rauch (@jrauch60) June 16, 2012

Well, okay, that one was obvious. Jason Bay ran full tilt into the outfield wall trying to catch a ball and suffered a concussion for it. Maybe that wasn’t the best time to boo him.

Read the rest of this entry »

I went home to my mother’s house this past weekend to paint her kitchen; she’s gearing up for the yearly rummage sale. Amongst the possible rummage items were my Starting Lineup figurines, all of which were Brewers players from the 1988 and 1989 seasons. I used to have a Kirby Puckett figurine from 1989, but somewhere along the line he vanished: I might have traded him for some cards back in the day, or he might have been the victim of another rummage purge by my mother. At any rate, I salvaged these guys from the purge-in-process.

Your 1988 Milwaukee Brewers

As you can see, none of them are still in their packaging. I was only seven years old when I got these, and I was more interested in crudely recreating one of the copious Brewers losses that I watched on TV or at Milwaukee County Stadium than I was in “resale value” or whatever. First I would write inning-by-inning scripts of the games (because, you know, I already wanted to be a writer and stuff) and then I would act them out the best I could with the seven or eight figures that I had.

Read the rest of this entry »

A recent spate of ballplayers showing questionable judgment in their extracurricular activities expanded to the West Coast this weekend, as Giants first baseman Brandon Belt — known as “Baby Giraffe” for his resemblance to the long-necked animal — was photographed jumping into a swimming pool with an unnamed actual giraffe. The relationship between the two is unclear, and Belt was not available for comment. “He’s a grown man,” said Giants skipper Bruce Bochy. “I mean, he’s kind of — he’s pretty much a grown man. What he does with his personal time is his business. My own feelings about giraffes have nothing to do with it.”

According to TMZ, Vladimir Guerrero pays over $25,000 in child support each month, for eight children with five different women.

[scrippet]
CHILD ONE
I tried to call and wish him a Happy Father’s Day, but the line was busy all day!

CHILD TWO
I kept getting his voice mail. And the mailbox was full.

CHILD THREE
I got him a Father’s Day card, but he said he already had three of the same card I bought. There simply aren’t enough unique Father’s Day cards. Hallmark, you suck.

CHILD FOUR
I think it’s almost my turn to see him again this Christmas. Too bad he won’t remember what I look like, since the last time it was my turn was 2004, and I was one.
[/scrippet]

The latest paternity lawsuit was filed by a woman named Heidy Ogando, who, hopefully for Alexi Ogando of the Rangers, is not his wife. Although if it is, perhaps this gives the Blue Jays players a reason not to be too upset he won’t be joining them in Toronto.

“I like my wife,” said Casey Janssen.

Mark again,
  a rising and daring,
  a burning without exhaustion,
  a heat with dangerous form,
  not like the fire without an end,
    but the coals, under the ashes and warm.

A mark from before,
  a promise unkept,
  a hero unkempt.
  A man seen only in white and red and blue —
  the same still, but now in red and blue and white,
    all shades different, but not askew.

Our prior notation,
  a classic tale,
  a useful trope.
  Kerry Wood ended with a K.
  Bartolo Colon just kept going.
    And now what will remain?

“Dopamine and Baseball” is not, turns out, the name of Marcy Playground’s second most popular song. Indeed, it’s the name of nothing, in particular, besides this post on a ridiculous blog read by fewer than, say, .0001% of the entire world.

However, dopamine’s role in our enjoyment of baseball is, in fact, mentioned in a New York Times article from 2002 by Sandra Blakeslee which the author found himself reading this afternoon for reasons that will continue to remain mysterious — even to the author himself.

Read the rest of this entry »