A neat article on Slate (written by the very impressively-named Matthew J.X. Malady) about mascot races. Here’s my favorite from the piece:

Mayors with giant heads: The Single-A Tri-City ValleyCats’ home stadium is located near the upstate New York cities of Albany, Schenectady, and Troy. In the middle of the sixth inning, dudes in khakis and oxford shirts put on giant heads resembling each city’s mayor and race down the right-field line.

It got me thinking… pretend you own a minor league team. What would you have racing down the line?

(If you want to e-mail your own Mascot Race JPGs, I’ll do a follow up post featuring the best (or worst) of….)

The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team can proudly confirm that last night, during the second inning of the match between the Boston Red Sox and Oakland Athletics, only a few seconds before the recorded footage you’re about to watch, NESN Red Sox broadcaster Jerry Remy whispered to his colleague, Don Orsillo, “Dance as if nobody is watching, and love like you’ve never been hurt.”

Orsillo really took the advice to heart. The man can jam. Turns out, however, that a lot of people were, you know, watching.

Today, this Fourth of July, like every other Fourth of July, I’m reminded of this incredible video:

Enjoy the holiday, my friends. As I told my comrades at NotGraphs last night, please celebrate accordingly. And, finally, on behalf of Canada: Thank you, America. For everything. We don’t say it enough.

God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.

I’m not supposed to post on 4th of July in deference to the real life nerds who elect to barbecue, be out of doors, and socialize with acquaintances and loved ones. But this here crossword puzzle goes out to you, brave American / maybe Canadian, a crossword puzzle for the off day!

Clues beneath the jump.
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Pitcher porn happened last night. The 100-mph throwing Andrew Cashner took on the foul-line to foul-line long-tossing Trevor Bauer in a battle of the babies. Each young prospect went into the game riding the wave of good feelings and expectation. Each left a little tarnished. Cashner, known for both his filthiness and his fragility, strained a lat muscle and will be out three weeks at least. At least it wasn’t the elbow that everyone thought he was pointing to when he was taken out. Bauer, known for his wide array of pitches and also his inconsistent ability to control those pitches, left early after walking too many and being a little too hittable.

Before they left, however, they left an impression that might last a while.

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In chronological order:

If somebody keep calling and calling to u phone and u don’t want to talk to that person what do u do?

— Ivan Nova (@IvanNova47) July 2, 2012

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NotGraphs reader and Pittsburgh Pirates fan RamboDiaz brought the following Twitter interaction between Pittsburgh Tribune-Review writer Dejan Kovacevic and Twitterer Robert Sosko to the attention of Hot NotGraphs Hotline:

@Dejan_Kovacevic I only worry about his dating life. twitter.com/PittsburghIdio…

— Robert Sosko (@PittsburghIdiot) June 30, 2012

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I’m sure you are, by now, acquainted with the anti-statistical crowd who bemoan their inability to encompass the little things in baseball: running out ground balls, going from first to third, concocting really good shaving cream pies for postgame interviews. Perhaps some of this belief system stems from a naturally cautious personality, or an anachronistic Rockwell-based worldview. It could even be based on the simple desire for mystery, the resistance to a science that seeks to boil down the game in the same manner that killed checkers. It is probably none of those things, however. It is probably because of Munenori Kawasaki.

In his meager playing time this season, Kawasaki is hitting .194/.265/.210. He has been caught stealing twice in three tries, and his UZR is negative. He has, as ballplayers go, not been good. But to say this is to take a very narrow definition of goodness, if not a fascist one. It’s the mentality of the factory manager who looks at output instead of people. How do we define Munenori Kawasaki, and ourselves? Is it by our jobs, by the things we create to be consumed by other people? Or is it by how we respond to the forces of nature that toss us from one moment in life to the next? By this alternate set of standards, as evidenced by this footage of the Mariners celebrating their (extra-inning, walkoff) victory over the Boston Red Sox, Kawasaki is a very good player indeed:

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1. Jurickson Profar (previously #5)
2. Wil Myers
3. Michael Phelps
4. Mexico’s Ruling Party
5. Nectarines
6. John Roberts (1-for-1 in recent decisions)
7. Higgs Boson
8. Timothy Mayopoulos
9. Katie Holmes
10. Mark Prior

Off the list:
Facebook stock
Winter
Ann Curry
Jerry Sandusky

A few observations:

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