Renowned hitmaker Edwin Encarnacion, born in the Dominican Republic, fluent in Spanish, spoke to Japan’s Yu Darvish Friday night without saying a word. Encarnacion’s bat flip — after a mighty  home run, a “no-doubter,” as the kids say — did all the talking. Nothing else needed to be said.

In eight at-bats against Darvish, Encarnacion has five hits, two of them home runs. It’s obvious to me, and anyone who visits FanGraphs: Encarnacion irrefutably  has Darvish’s number.

When winter is upon us up here in Toronto next month, and I look back on the Blue Jays’ 2012 season, one in which they will likely finish behind the Baltimore Orioles in the standings, I’ll remember Encarnacion’s T-Rexing ways, and his bat flips, as bright lights amid the darkness.

Gracias, Señor Encarnacion.

All praise be upon my friend Ian, @BlueJayHunter, for the GIF. Check out the latest on his Tumblr account — The Evolution of Edwin Encarnacion’s Bat Flip — and visit his website, The Blue Jay Hunter.

David Price
“Ironically,” David Price’s dog is named Astro.
A.J. Burnett
I’ve always though Allan James Burnett looks like he should be working the overnight at the 7-11 by my house.
R.A. Dickey
I’m sorry about your bracelets; we all love you very much.
Jered Weaver

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On May 1, 2007, Andruw Jones was hitting .264/.405/.527 and was on his way to winning his tenth gold glove. His Hall of Fame status was all but assured. Five years, three months, and fifteen days later, this happened:

Here, embiggenable at the reader’s discretion, is a snippet of the play-by-play for that inning:

The official scorer of the game, wise to the crippling pressure that age and expectations place on us all, and especially on the rounded shoulders of one Andruw Jones, scored the play as a double. An error, you say? Until the alchemists and the existentialists can brew some elixir that can, at the very least, dull the incremental pain that is the endless life, none of us can claim that Jones had any choice in his actions. We are all, in time, struck down by our own potential.

Ivan Nova does not understand this; he is young. But someday, if he’s fortunate enough, he will be Freddy Garcia, and he will know.

What we are doing is assigning cool nicknames to players rather than the opposite, which is a bloodless tradition that has been with us too much and too long.

So how does this running feature differ from the dear, departed exemplar of the genre? “Nickname Seeks Player” was devoted to active base-ball-ists, while “Nickname Seeks Former Player” is the province of those who no longer play this fine game because they are dead in spirit and perhaps also dead in the corporeal sense. Boileryard Clarke? Eligible! Sal Maglie? Eligible! Fred Lynn? Eligible! Dontrelle Willis? Eligible! Pete Rose? Asshole!

You may surmise from this that almost the entire sprawl of baseball history lies before you, like a sexy patient etherized upon a table. So prepare yourself to plumb both depths and heights as we ponder fitting candidates for this week’s name to nicked: “Man vs. Bible”!

Before we proceed, though, let us remember those who have previously survived this crucible of sturdy ghosts. Last time out, John Olerud did a better job of raising another man’s children than did Steve Garvey or Ty Cobb and thus claimed the nickname “America’s Step-Dad.” So now let us — snifters in hand, cardigans beswaddling our mortal parts — gaze upon The Fireside Mantel of Reposed Fortune-Hunters:

“Museum of Questionable Medical Devices” – Ted Williams
“A Garbage Truck That Runs on Lightning” – Matt Stairs
“Colonel Sanders’s Drinking Buddy” – Charlie Manuel
“America’s Step-Dad” – John Olerud

And now … “Man vs. Bible”!

Implications and Intimations

He is a tortured sort. He wants badly to please the Judeo-Christian godhead, but doing so is at cross purposes with his blackened nature. Normally, he would yield to his wicked appetites, but the Good Book — and the Jeff Huson-led tent revivals he attends — wrench his guts. So sometimes he gives in and then weeps in the pews. Other times, he resists and then weeps at the scent of corn liquor or the promise of gonorrhea.

He is Man vs. Bible. And don’t you know that he is losing the fight?

Who, citizens of sufficient origins, should be nicknamed “Man vs. Bible”?

It came to this author’s attention recently that basketballer Metta World Peace is to appear in an upcoming episode of Yo Gabba Gabba.

If you are not familiar with Mr. World Peace’s work, note that he is a forward/crazy person for the Los Angeles Lakers. He is one of my favorite basketball players, not because of his play (which has diminished over the years), but because of his general disregard for social normalcy and civilized behavior.

If you are not familiar with the television show Yo Gabba Gabba, note that it is a show on the Nickelodeon network enjoyed by children, hipsters, and of course hipster children. Its style beckons back to that of Sid and Marty Krofft , with its colorful fantasy characters and overt drug overtones.

But why, fair readers, should only NBA players be allowed to appear on this delightful program? Surely an MLB player would provide a passable performance whilst also giving baseball more exposure to the doomed youth of today.

So which baseballer would you like to see in Yo Gabba Gabba? The winner of the below poll will have an abbreviated episode written for them by yours truly. If you feel that I’ve unfairly excluded someone (and I’m sure you do), please provide your write-in choice in the comments.

Vote early. Vote often. And, for God’s sake, think of the children.

[polldaddy poll=6471277]

I have recently discovered Roar of the Tigers, and my life has improved immeasurably. Mostly due to the incredible illustrations of Quintin Berry, by Samara Pearlstein, below.

NotGraphs, meet Quintin Berry. Quintin Berry, NotGraphs.

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The best of yesterday’s reader-submitted Rejected Melky Cabrera Headlines:

Muscle Melk

The Melk’s Gone Bad

Melktoast!

Don’t Cry Over Pilled Melk

Land Of Melk and Money

The Melky Way Is Expanding

Award-worthy genius from Ted Berg that, for some reason, I didn’t share here earlier:

As Dave Cameron noted during his most recent appearance on FanGraphs Audio this week, Kelvin Herrera’s changeup is likely the best pitch right now that no one is going completely bananas about. Among its (i.e. that changeup’s) credentials are how it has a 25.0% swinging-strike rate (while league average is ca 15% for a change, according to Harry Pavlidis) and a 77.8% ground-ball rate (whereas ca 50% is average for a change). It’s not surprising, then, that Herrera’s changeup has been better in terms of runs above average than almost every other reliever’s.

Here’s Herrera throwing the changeup to Nate McLouth during his most recent appearance (box). The Baltimore center-field camera allows for a particularly clear view of the pitch’s movement.