One would be hard-pressed to find two people more different in stature than the author’s mother and Arizona Diamondbacks’ ace-in-the-making Archie Bradley. When one compares their use of social media, however, one finds two beings whose concerns, pleasures, and use of language are not that different at all.

Love pitching when family is in town! Great win for the #baybears had great hitting and solid defense! Time for dinner with mom!

— Archie Bradley (@ArchieBradley7) May 19, 2013

Celebrities: They’re just like us and/or our moms!

And you know if I strikeout, okay, you know whatever, but if there are guys, runners in scoring position, things like that and you strikeout too, that to me, that’s bad. – Adam Dunn

In all of baseball, there is no man more distinctively and consistently himself than Adam Dunn. In an uncertain world, he is a treasure. Adam Dunn does three things well; no more, no less. Because none of them requires any effort from the opposing defense, Adam Dunn is a gentleman, as well as a treasure. But although he does three things well, he only does one of these things with true greatness, and that is striking out. If nothing else, history will remember this about this man: Adam Dunn struck out.

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The Wall Street Journal writes about “historically skinny” Chris Sale and his amazing feats of culinary indulgence:

In a four-hour masterpiece, Sale packed two ice cream sundaes and, by one teammate’s estimate, around 30 bags of potato chips into one of the skinniest bodies the sport has ever seen…. Before a game in Anaheim, Calif., last week, Sale polished off a chili cheese dog. Then he returned to the kitchen for two more…. Over the weekend, Sale was planning a trip to In-and-Out Burger, which he calls “my kryptonite.” He is also a loyal customer of McDonald’s, Taco Bell and Five Guys…. He also aspires to break the record for most cheesesteaks consumed by a visiting player in Philadelphia when the White Sox play there in July.

The idea of a world without Garfield has already been fully realized. But what of a world without Andrew McCutchen?

I’ve often wondered — fantasized, even — about what it would be like if I just disappeared from my life. Like, just totally evaporated. Usually, it’s difficult not to imagine a net positive. One less “first world” carbon footprint couldn’t hurt. The world — especially Carson Cistulli’s world — might be better off with far fewer very predictable jokes about genitals. Someone with more talent and ambition would inevitably fill my position at a very worthwhile nonprofit. The overall quality of NotGraphs would improve. My mother would not have to waste her time tediously preparing lectures to give me about my debt; she could actually enjoy her retirement. The list goes on.

When Andrew McCutchen disappears — just totally goes invisible — the world (well, the Pittsburgh Pirates, at least) still experience a net positive for an entirely different set of reasons. Really, it’s the same set of positives that McCutchen provides while not being disappeared. In his absence, he still catches balls while leaping into the wall, he still hits home runs, he still keeps the outfield at PNC Park clean of debris while maintaining an amiable demeanor.

Indeed, some people are such a positive force in the world that even in the absence of their corporeal self, their force continues to make a difference. I am not one of those people, but I am happy to know they exist.

Thanks, ‘Cutch.

The 1927 Yankees were one of the best teams in history. But none of their players have made an impact on the field in years. Was it just that special mix of intangibles that made the 1927 team able to succeed in a way that none of its individual members have been able to for the past 80+ years? Or was it something else? NotGraphs has deployed its crack investigative team to take a look at where the 1927 Yankees are now, and whether they might ever be able to reunite and once again take the baseball world by storm.

Catcher Pat Collins is deceased. First baseman Lou Gehrig, sadly, is also deceased. Second baseman Tony Lazzeri was originally thought to be working in real estate in Jupiter, Florida, but is in fact deceased. Third baseman Joe Dugan, according to his Facebook page, is deceased. Shortstop Mark Koenig is deceased. Outfielder Earle Combs is deceased. Outfielder Bob Meusel, according to several highly-placed government sources, is deceased. There is no information available about the whereabouts of outfielder Babe Ruth. The entire starting rotation — Waite Hoyt, Urban Shocker, Herb Pennock, Dutch Ruether, and George Pipgras — is deceased. Police are still looking into whether any foul play (or balls) might be involved. Relief pitcher Bob Shawkey is deceased.

Despite quite possibly in some cases being scattered across the globe, we still believe there is hope for the team to reunite and perform competitively against the 2013 Marlins or Astros.

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel is known in proper quarters as “Uncle History,” and there’s a reason for this. The reason is that Charlie Manuel is history made noble savage. Charlie Manuel, you see, will use the tools of rational inquiry to rebuild your transmission …

As you can see, in the morning mists of July 11, 1804 at Weehawken, New Jersey, Charlie Manuel was felled by Charlie Manuel. The fatal hostilities traced back the Senatorial election of 1891, in which Charlie Manuel defeated the father-in-law of Charlie Manuel. From that point forward, Charlie Manuel relentlessly feuded with Charlie Manuel, often over the direction of the Charlie Manuel’s (and, by extension, Charlie Manuels’) Federalist Party. It all grimly culminated in Charlie Manuel’s sanctioned murder of Charlie Manual, all as a number of Charlie Manuels and at least one wet nurse looked on in mute disbelief. “Got damn,” the lot of them muttered in unison, most especially the assailant and victim, who have each been identified as Charlie Manuel.

Charlie Manuel is Uncle History.

Some things are worth being certain about. When your cat is begging for food, it is worth being certain he has not already eaten and thereby just being a fatso. Because if you feed your cat too much, he will eat himself into your wallet, pilfer your hard-earned cash for cat-related medical bills. So take the extra moment to consider, “Did I already feed this fatso this morning?”

Likewise, when Munenori Kawasaki commissions a new series of GIFs, the artistic baseball community needs to see them. It is a thing worth being certain about. I want to be certain the NotGraphs readers have seen Ben Halpern’s GIFs of Munenori Kawasaki warming up:

Because it has pleasantly surprised gentleman statistician Bill Petti, it might very well surprise pleasantly at least one other reader, too, to learn that, in the first inning of today’s Cubs-Mets game, the WGN broadcast presented run expectancy charts for the edification of the Viewing Public.

Like in this instance, for example, with a runner on third, one out, and Anthony Rizzo batting:

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