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• New York State, under the governance of Martin Van Buren, passed the Bank Safety Fund Law. This would later be recognized as a precursor to what we now know as deposit insurance.
• The Engrian region ruled by the Germanic Saxons endured their second defeat under Charlemagne.
• Benjamin Franklin, then deputy postmaster in the colonies, published The Gulf Stream Chart after becoming interested in the disparities in travel time between mail ships traveling to different destinations.
• The Saginaw Bay was populated by the Sauk tribe, having been forced from their territory along the St. Lawrence River by the Iroquois.
• Dante Alighieri, having already completed his Divine Comedy, wrote Monarchia, a call to establish a global monarchy underpinned by the Roman Catholic Church, which he saw as a path to everlasting peace.
• Rudolph I of Germany moved his family to Austria, greatly diminishing the importance of Hapsburg Castle as a dynastical focal point.
• The Zuniceratops, after nearly 10 million years of existence, evolved into what we commonly know now as the Triceratops.
• Jazz pianist Jelly Roll Morton returned to Chicago to perform his recently-published rag The Wolverines around various bars and night clubs.
• The Zhengtong Emperor, after being held prisoner for four years by the Oriat Mongols, was released, as the Ming never paid a ransom since the Emperor’s brother took over the throne under the name Jingtai.
• After rapid expansion and cooling ended, a large concentration of quark-gluon plasma was subject to baryogenesis, causing a small excess of quarks and leptons. This lead to a higher concentration of matter over antimatter that is still seen at present.

Not everyone is amused by all these boners.

Monday represented the 105th anniversary of Merkle’s Boner, the baserunning error committed by then-New York Giants rookie Fred Merkle that ultimately allowed the Chicago Cubs to win the National League pennant en route to their last World Series victory.

Below is a list of seven other notable gaffes from baseball’s rich and storied history.

1846 – In early edition of official base-and-ball rulebook, a very hungover Alexander Cartwright omits any mention of second base.

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Unlike precisely every other image which appears in these stupid pages, the image that appears on this stupid page was not stolen from the internet but rather captured by the author himself on the streets of Paris by means of an internet-phone-camera.

One finds, while wandering those same streets — in the 18th arrondissement, specifically — one finds Cafe Francoeur, a charming establishment that both (a) features a self-described epicurean menu and also (b) probably serves as free agent Jeff Francoeur’s raison goddamn d’être that no one knew about before.

But now people know about it, is the point of this weblog post. Like probably every person knows about it now, is the point.

Whoever was responsible for the caption under Young Vin Scully’s photograph for Fordham University’s The Maroon seems to have forgotten a few words. The caption should read, Vincent Scully / The Bachelor of All Arts / The Radio Gentleman’s Gentleman.

Some people have said that Young Vin Scully is “in touch with Nature.” Instead, it should be said that Nature is in touch with him. For the Oceans of the World all model their waves after the form of Young Vin Scully’s coiffure; the Bees, their comb after the pattern on his self-woven necktie.

Having forgotten his overcoat at the hotel, Young Vin Scully ripped the awning off a bodega to lay across a large and oily puddle for a group of Fordham Prep students and their dates. To the young ladies, he doffed his cap; at the Fordham boys he cast a glance, which, for the rest of their lives, the boys would imagine whenever they failed to consider the well-being of others. As for the owner of the bodega, who had rushed outside in a huff, Young Vin Scully gently placed a hand on his shoulder and handed him a blank check. “For the repairs, and for your inconvenience,” was all that Young Vin Scully said.

Young Vin Scully doesn’t so much shave his face as he coaxes his whiskers to rest.

Young Vin Scully is capable of wonder and appreciation for many things on earth, even many things that are of lesser measure than himself — because almost all things will be of lesser measure than the man that Young Vin Scully knows he will become. Yet Young Vin Scully sees something in the future of which he is deeply skeptical: One day, they will try to name a street after Agéd Vin Scully. When that happens, when they try to name a street after Agéd Vin Scully, he will cock his unsmiling head in a way that evokes the determination of Young Vin Scully, and he will say, with both the force of the Oceans and the sweetness of the Bees’ Comb, “No, thank you, Mr. Mayor. In lieu of this action, please feed the hungry.”

The Yankees will finish up their season-long tribute to Mariano Rivera by requiring all fans attending Thursday’s final regular season home game to submit to receiving Mariano Rivera tattoos on their forearms. The tattoos will feature the image of Mariano Rivera jogging out of the Yankees’ bullpen, number 42 on his back, and five world series trophies coming out of his mouth. The tattoo will also feature the names of all 1,172 players Rivera has struck out in his career (with additional space for any new strikeouts between now and the end of the season). In case the tattoo is too big for your arm, the Yankees will provide an extra arm for the rest of the image. These extra arms will be harvested from Mariano Rivera’s arm, since now that he’s retiring, he won’t need his arms anymore.

The tattoos will be inked using an Andy Pettitte commemorative human growth hormone injection needle, which each fan will be invited to take home as a souvenir.

CLEVELAND – Scoreboards all over the American League this season have been unkind to Houston manager Bo Porter, having now indicated at the conclusion part of more than two-thirds of his Astros’ games that his club has produced fewer runs than that respective day’s opponent.

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Wladimir Balentien has obliterated a league-record 57 pitches in Japan. That looks like this:

And ultimately this:

But the task isn’t so hard! Our team of NotGraphs scientists have determined a two-step process in repeating his success!
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Late September and
the Royals are playing games
that matter. Fucked up.

This has been a Justin Maxwell-inspired NotGraphs Haiku.

I know this is late, but it’s only going to get later, and I thought the Arizona pool party thing was really interesting. So many questions were spawned the minute the Dodgers celebrated in the Diamondbacks’ pool! We probably have some different answers, so I’ll just list the questions:

Does calling someone classless imply that you are of a higher class then them? Or just that you understand class better? Aren’t both of these things born of aristocratic sensibilities? Even considering class, is getting mad at someone for partying in your above-ground pool a little like getting mad at someone for drinking all your wine coolers and passing out in your inflatable couch?

Was it disrespectful? Did the celebrating players consider the feelings of the D-backs or where they being spontaneous? Did they cause more work for the stadium crew when compared to other road celebrations? How about compared to a home celebration? Do the workers get overtime? Was it disrespectful of the D-backs’ request to not party on the field? Was that request par for the course or out of the norm? Was that request even passed on to the players? How much is on the Dodgers’ administration more than the players?

Some say the pool itself doesn’t matter, but is that true? Would players celebrate in other features, like the big glove in San Francisco? And if that sounds stupid, what about the slide in Milwaukee? Would we really get mad at seeing a bunch of jubilant players sliding down a slide?

Is there a section of the unwritten rules pertaining to clinching celebrations? We know there is a section for home run celebrations, but did the ghost-writers of the invisible constitution consider end-of-season celebrations? And what does that section allow and not allow? What if the Dodgers were celebrating in Anaheim and had a lot of fans at the field? Still a no-no to come back out on the field? The fake rocks? Is the no-no the use of a stadium prop or facilities?