My Ottoneu Mixtape

I participated in my first ottoneu fantasy draft this past Sunday and Tuesday with various other members of the Fangraphs Illuminati, including my inimitable Notgraphs compatriot Robert J. Baumann. You can look at the list of transactions from our draft here, and both our commissioner Chad Young and Steve Slowinski have written intelligently about the draft over at Rotographs. I would like to write about the draft as well, but since I am not really a fantasy baseball expert, no one would or should trust my opinions about the draft. Nor would any of you probably care to read about my feelings regarding how I thought I’d be able to nab my main man Jason Heyward for like fifteen dollars and instead he went for TWENTY SEVEN (they are, in short: F%#^#%^)IREGJKDFG.)

What I AM an expert on — and what, to my great surprise, people seem to still be willing to listen to me talk about — are elaborate metaphors related to baseball that are really about something else entirely. Or, is it the other way around? In any case, I have long been of the mind that building a fantasy roster is about much more than simply getting the best deals and assembling a winning team — a mindset which has probably at least partially contributed to my fantasy efforts being mostly not all that successful, wherein success is measured by “winning.”

I do plenty of draft preparation: assembling spreadsheets and participating in mock drafts, designing tiers and using multiple highlighters (pink, yellow, and orange!). For this particular draft, I spent a ludicrously long time studying the top three placing teams in the other Fangraphs Staff league in order to get an idea of where points were most likely to come from, and then made my own customized lists by position using CAIRO projections and highlighting players I was expecially interested in given that this is also a keeper/dynasty type league. I combed KLaw and others’ prospect lists and made a seperate personal ranking of dudes I thought I might be able to nab for a couple bucks. Then, the draft started. And, while I stuck to my plan in many ways (I only paid more than my projected value twice, and both times were because it was my only real starting option at that position) I also found myself grabbing guys whose names were never touched by my pink “take this guy” highlighter, and reaching for dudes who I had told myself I would stick to an extremely limited budget for (Berkman). I kept staring at the team I was jotting down and found myself wanting to fill holes based on factors that had nothing to do with winning at fantasy. I overpaid for personal connections — my team could be renamed “Astros Who I Have Loved” with Berkman, Bourn, and a four dollar Roy Oswalt (not to mention UT ace Taylor Jungmann and UT woulda-coulda-shoulda-I-was-so-excited Josh Bell). I thought fondly of Mariano Rivera and Ichiro Suzuki towards the end of their careers. I thought excitedly about what a joy it is to watch Dustin Pedroia and found myself paying more for him than for anyone else (which I think is fine, but not exactly what I went into the draft with).

It struck me at one point, towards the beginning of round two, that the joy I get from assembling a fantasy baseball team is essentially the exact same joy I feel when I’m making a mixtape, which is a pursuit I take very seriously. It’s personal curation — something in between creativity and collection. Painting a picture of yourself with the choices you make and the things you like. This whole Rob Gordon / Championship Vinyl thing of “it’s what you like, not what you’re like, that matters.” This feeling is essentially why Pinterest is so popular, and I believe it plays a huge part into my own personal vested interest in fantasy baseball. When it comes to my regular league, I think of the guys I’ve chosen for my team (especially my longterm keepers) as “my guys,” and who they are says something about me. I’ve hung on to Cameron Maybin and Matt Wieters for three years in that league, and I believe in my heart that says something important about me — even if that something is that I overvalue scrappy young outfielders and I really like making wiener jokes.

Making a mixtape for someone, especially when it’s a new crush (the best and most important mixtapes, obviously) is almost always one big ego-driven self-portait project. You pick songs for someone because you want them to think of you whenever they hear that song, and because you want them to applaud your fine taste and your sensitivity in knowing exactly what they’d like. There’s a trace of that pride and self-involvement when you’re selecting prospects in a deep keeper league. If you’ve done a lot of in person drafts, you know the satisfaction of the people around you going “wait, who?” and flipping through their spreadsheet/prospect books/notebooks. My boyfriend brags to this day about picking up Hanley Ramirez as a free agent when he was still a minor leaguer. You want to surprise your friends but you also know you have to go with some of the trusted oldies, the true jamz, the players that are going to assure you 40 saves or 35 home runs — the Beyonces or the Beatles on the mix, depending on how you roll.

So, with all of that in mind, I did it — I made y’all a mix tape based on my Fangraphs Points Ottoneu (2!) team, The Houston Babies (circa 2012). Order is determined by highest price paid -> lowest. My honest criteria for choosing songs was, quite simply, “this is the song equivalant of [player],” and that meant a variety of things. It’s totally subjective, of course, but, I promise you, never random.

Disclaimer: my taste in music has been called a lot of things by a lot of people.

Listen to “Your 2012 Houston Babies” on Spotify.

Dustin Pedroia, 2B, $40: A Real Hero – College

Well, it’s true.

Alex Gordon, OF, $26: The Train From Kansas City – The Shangri-Las
Michael Young, 1B/2B/3B, $21: Tougher Than The Rest – Mendoza Line

Hopefully not jinxing anything with my favorite-band-name-ever, covering The Boss here. I’m obviously not a Rangers fan but I do have a soft spot for The Talented Mr. Young and his adaptability and, hey, “you get what you can get.”

Lance Berkman, 1B/OF, $20: Countdown – Beyonce

Everytime I listen to this song it makes me smile so wide and I feel (for the 3 minutes and 32 seconds that it lasts) like it’s probably my favorite song of all time. Ditto Berkman and baseball, despite my best efforts to distance myself since he became a Cardinal.

Josh Johnson, SP, $18: Summer Love – Justin Timberlake
Adam Wainwright, SP, $17: Super-Connected – Belly

See what I did there? Anyone? Anyone?

Chris Carpenter, SP, $17: Lovely Day – Bill Withers

Ugh, how did I draft so many Cardinals and Royals players? Damn. But anyway, I imagine this is how Cardinals fans feel on Carpenter days.

Daniel Hudson, SP, $16: It’s Hard To Be Humble – Phosphorescent

David Golebiewski wrote a nice article about Daniel Hudson last year and all the comments are about the Kardashians. I’m telling y’all right now that if all the comments on this post are now about the Kardashians because I just mentioned them, I’m going to murder someone and it might be you.

Mariano Rivera, RP, $16: Double Eagle Rock – The Champs
Michael Bourn, OF, $15: I’ll Come Running – Brian Eno
Rafael Betancourt, RP, $15: Feel It (Don’t Fight It) – Sam Cooke
Adam Jones, OF, $15: Up Up & Away – Kid Cudi
Alexei Ramirez, SS, $12: Love Love Love – The Mountain Goats

The Cuban Missile is one of those players that I have arbitrarily decided is a more “authentic” lover of baseball than others. Something in the way he plays makes me believe that he “means it” — whatever that means. Perceived authenticity is a big deal in both music and baseball, as unfair as that may be for musicians and baseball players. I am glad no one that doesn’t know me is around to try to gauge how earnest I really am about the things I do with my life. Meanwhile, The Mountain Goats seem to me to be pretty much the touchstone of authenticity in modern music, even though I think I read somewhere that John Darnielle actually says almost non of his songs are autobiographical. I guess what I’m coming to is that maybe Alexei Ramirez doesn’t really love baseball that much — like Serena Williams and tennis, maybe it’s just his job because he’s good at it. If that is the case, I’ll just be over here in the corner with my fingers in my ears singing “love, love, love.”

Ichiro Suzuki, OF, $12: My Body’s A Zombie For You – Dead Man’s Bones

The news of Ichiro’s new batting stance and spot in the lineup has made me all Droopy Dog all week long. I probably wouldn’t have drafted him if I’d heard that before, not because I’m so positive it won’t really work (although I am) but because there’s something really heartbreaking about taking something as strange and beautiful as Ichiro’s swing and effing with it, and now I’m going to be reminded of it all the time. All of that said, if he turns into Ichiro+++, I’ll come back and edit this post and tell y’all that I knew it all along.

J.P. Arencibia, C, $11: Sabotage – Beastie Boys
Aroldis Chapman, RP, $10: Strange Powers – The Magnetic Fields
Brett Gardner, OF, $10: Doing It Right – The Go! Team
Jonny Venters, RP, $9: To Live Is To Fly – Townes Van Zandt
Mike Moustakas, 3B, $9: Whatever Way The Wind Blows – Kelly Willis

“A sense of doubt is the only thing that’s true,” indeed.

Tim Hudson, SP, $9: As We Go Up, We Go Down – Guided By Voices
Carlos Marmol, RP, $7: Stay On Course – Talib Kweli, Posdnuos, DJ Shadow

Wishful thinking.

Nolan Arenado, 3B, $7: Nobody But Me – The Human Beinz

One of my friends and softball teammates is named Nolan and this is his batting song. I continue to believe it’s the best batting music for anyone named Nolan, and I hope that one of you that has connections will pass this information on to my highest paid prospect.

Salvador Perez, C, $7: Red And Purple – The Dodos
Brandon League, RP, $7: Kick Drum Heart – Avett Brothers
Stephen Drew, SS, $6: The New Year – The Walkmen

Researchers have recently found hard scientific evidence that it’s not a good idea to date your exes again. I’d like to say I take that advice to heart, but unfortunately I’m not so good at it. In 2009, I took Drew in a trade for Mark Reynolds in my 6×6 roto league and Reynolds helped the guy I made the trade with dominate the league and almost win, while Drew poked hundreds of tiny stabbing needles into my palms as my starting shortstop. I was also never able to leave old relationships alone when I was single. So, like I do, I decided late in the draft to give Drew a shot for my MI spot (once he’s well) and one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands will help me deal with it. Stephen, “you took your sweet time, and finally I opened my eyes.”

Angel Pagan, OF, $6: From The Hips – Cursive

“We’re at our best when it’s from our hips
from our hips we don’t give a shit”

Frank Francisco, RP, $5: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes – Thelonious Monk
Leonys Martin, OF, $5: Kids On The Run – The Tallest Man On Earth
Bubba Starling, OF, $4: We Need A Myth – Okkervil River

Here’s a picture of Bubba Starling that makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Roy Oswalt, SP, $4: We’re Not The Jet Set – John Prine & Iris DeMent
Jameson Taillon, SP, $3: Whiskey River – Willie Nelson
Dee Gordon, SS, $3: Bad Education – Tilly And The Wall
Josh Bell, OF, $3: Jackeyed – Micah P. Hinson

I was really very bummed when Bell didn’t come to play at UT and signed with the Pirates instead. I was looking forward to watching a batter this exciting play in my hometown and I did the whole watching youtube videos of him hitting thing in my fervent anticipation. I may or may not have kicked or broken something when he broke his solemn vow to entertain me at Disch-Falk. But I’ve been thinking about how baseball always provides us with good stories and how this could be one, but we don’t know which kind yet. That’s what this song is about, and it’s also a really good song for a crush tape because of that excited-to-find-out-what-happens feeling, except I think it’s actually about God.

Brett Anderson, SP, $3: Through The Wire – Kanye West
Taylor Jungmann, P, $1: Cottonmouth – Grand Champeen

It’s an Austin, Texas thing.

Wily Peralta, P, $1: The Day Will Come – Mary Wells
Gary Sanchez, C, $1: Happy Teenager – Linda Carr & The Impossibles
C.J. Cron, DH, $1: Wolf Like Me – TV On The Radio
Adam Lind, 1B, $1: Plea From A Cat Named Virtute – The Weakerthans
Alfonso Soriano, OF, $1: Here – Pavement

“I was dressed for success
but success it never comes.”
🙁

Enjoy! I hope you find my tape in a closet a few years down the road and think of me warmly. And make sure to heckle my competition so they can feel really dumb when I win the league after I publicly compared my team to a mixtape!