MLB’s Black Friday Deals

by
November 24, 2011

One backup catcher, 30+, on-base skills sold separately. Similar products have been flying off the shelves. (So if you missed out on Barajas, Blanco, Doumit, Laird, Schneider, Treanor, act fast, or Jason/Ramon Kendall/Castro will soon be yours!)

One outfielder, highly used, for the price of ten. $4,500,000 [SOLD OUT]

One 37-year-old shortstop who has 32 career triples, none since 2009. With Barmes, Bloomquist, and Jason McDonald already off the market… oh, whatever, there’s nothing funny about the idea of Orlando Cabrera ending up on your favorite team in 2012.

One relief pitcher, well-rested, hardly touched, astonishingly still just 27 years old. Wow, Joel Zumaya is really still just 27 years old. Health insurance sold separately. Very much separately. Gosh. 27 years old.

Broken pitcher, final sale. $4,000,000 [SOLD OUT]





 

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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nubillybaroo
12 years ago

Why no washed up, overrated, pissy catchers for sale too? I guess Jorge Posada must have officially retired.

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William
12 years ago
Reply to  nubillybaroo

Jorge Posada OVERRATED? I am laughing hysterically. The guy who had a borderline hof career but was constantly overshadowed. Unless you mean he’s overrated right now? But I’m pretty sure no one think’s he’s good anymore.

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Internet20
12 years ago
Reply to  William

It’s called the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Above Average and Played for the Yankees.

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