Introducing the Dayn Perry Message Notification

In almost every case, cell phone alerts are at best an annoyance and at worst punch-provoking. We civil folk have pretty much come to terms with the fact that a cell phone should stay on vibrate.

But there are rare instances in which an audible alert is necessary — text messages from Ronald Reagan’s ghost, emails concerning which minority you’ve recently offended, weather notifications keeping you abreast when a tornado is about to upend the home of a former employer, and Google alerts for “Cheryl Tiegs Hacksaw Jim Duggan Sex Tape” are some examples.

In situations such as these, I suggest an audible message notification. Sure, you could use a standard boo doop or ding ding like a common dirt-person. But why buy the cow when you can mix your metaphors for free?

In the spirit of FanGraphs: The Ringtone, it is my pleasure to introduce The Dayn Perry Message Notification. I can’t say for sure when you should use it, but if you really need my help finding the proper situation, you probably shouldn’t use it at all.

Download at will.