Hopeless Joe’s Mailbag, Part 1

Dear Hopeless Joe,

I watch baseball to escape from the problems of my everyday life. Unfortunately, the current problem I am facing in my everyday life is a drug-related suspension. What do I do?

B. Todriguez

Mr. Todriguez,

Thanks for writing. It’s a lost art. Writing, I mean. Kind of amazing anyone does it anymore, with video games and the Internet and all of that. Also paper cuts. That’s a real disincentive. I hate paper cuts. But I should get to your question. Yes, watching baseball is an escape from everyday life, but even escapes from everyday life are sometimes similarly bleak. After all, they have to be believable. Maybe you need an escape from the escapes from your life. Have you tried the fire escape? I think it’s high enough off the ground that you have no chance of survival if you jump. Not that I’m telling you to jump. I watch baseball as an escape from my everyday life, too. Did I ever tell you where I escaped from? They’re still looking for me.

Hopeless Joe

If you have a question for Hopeless Joe, he already knows it.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Sounds like things are finally turning around for Hopeless Joe.


Their making a complete 360. So back where they started ;_;