Found: Player Who Did Not Play in the 19th Century

Internet Hot Link Baseball-Reference.com confirms the existence of this player of baseball …

Thaddeus Philyaw played baseball, but he did not do so in the 19th century. Despite a name that, in Ohio Valley Protestantese, translates as “He Who Vacantly Surveys That Which the Colonel Has Raped,” Thaddeus Philyaw was not born in the 19th century. In point of fact, he played baseball in the 1970s, when we danced until the herpes overtook us …

Lo, Thaddeus Philyaw played baseball! That much is not surprising. What is surprising is that he did not play baseball in the moments before and after beating back an Indian raid in Lincoln County, Kansas.

What is surprising is that he did not play baseball in the moments before and after conceiving an heir on the hide of a coyote (read: “KAI-yoat”).

What is surprising is that he did not die of consumption while rounding third.