Extry, Extry: R.A. Dickey Is a Swordsman

With a carnival barker’s enthusiasm, I should like to announce: R.A. Dickey names his bats after famous swords! Regard:

One bat is called Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver and the other is Hrunting. Dickey, an avid reader, said that Orcrist came from “The Hobbit.” Hrunting — the H is silent, Dickey said — came from the epic poem “Beowulf”; it is the sword Beowulf uses to slay Grendel’s mother.

First and foremost, R.A. Dickey is a Great Man of History because he’s a bearded knuckleballer. But the 11-year-old boy in me — the one who would drift into sleep with the Monster Manual splayed across his breast and dream dreams of a gelatinous cube’s hit points — now holds him in a newer, loftier esteem.

Baseball and swords! What could possibly be next? Hot, delicious pizza, mayhaps?

America loves R.A. Dickey. I declare it to be so, and the rest of America is not free to disavow this love we have for R.A. Dickey.