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According to reports, the Orioles’ front office was not amused by images that surfaced on the Web today — images that appeared to show Baltimore outfielders cavorting on the exact same trampoline that derailed Yankee Joba Chamberlain’s season.

However, Adam Jones brushed off the incident, noting, “Man, I’m just trying to crack the top 3 on the All-Star ballot. I don’t know what it’s going to take, but I figured if I could nail a Misty 540 and throw in a pike grab, the voters might get on board.”

As for his partner-in-fun Ryan Flaherty, he declined to discuss the impromptu jump session, stating only that “I spend my off-days the way I want to spend them. My off-day is my off-day.”

One reporter observed that that the culture of late in the O’s clubhouse seemed oddly reminiscent of their arch-rivals in the AL East — to which manager Buck Showalter retorted, “Check the standings lately? It’s working.”

Dear NotGraphs,

Cheers,
7th Place

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FanGraphs: the Game is real. I have proof.

First, how else can you explain my Giants first baseman? He’s ‘hitting’ .235/.314/.350… and Giants’ first basemen are hitting .207/.312/.336. My dude has a better ISO, the Aubrey Huff / Brett Pill / Brandon Belt monstrosity has a better walk rate. Both are right around replacement. Somehow I have my pick of the entire league, and the Giants have their pick of those three dudes, and we ended up in the same place.

On the other side of the coin, cwhitman is doing a heckuva job. His Nationals starter is performing like… a Nationals starter. His starter has an 8.76 K/9, 2.87 BB/9, and 0.83 HR/9 — the staff in our nation’s capital has an 8.48 K/9, 3.04 BB/9, 0.71 HR/9. Again, they had no choice beyond what was on their roster or in their system, cwhitman had plenty of choice, and they ended up in the same place.

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Actual initial thought upon seeing the headline below:
“Wow, I wonder what Ryan Zimmerman’s wife did.”

Sad commentary on how much attention I pay to non-baseball news. I also hear Brandon Allen won a primary in Virginia?

In this video, Kenyan kids re-enact the end of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. The kid in the long orange tank top is playing Buckner. This just couldn’t be any more heartwarming or baseball-affirming unless you’re Mr. Buckner himself, in which case it might as well be a pitcher of salt poured over an open wound. If you are not Bill Buckner, watch and prepare yourself for a minute and 48 seconds of pure happiness in youtube form:

Personally I recommend bookmarking this video in a special folder to be applied liberally when you’re having one of those “this is not my beautiful life” / “why is the internet so terrible and mean?” / “what if baseball is dying?” / “ahhhhhsfghskfghfghjfg” kind of days.

H/T to Amazin’ Avenue

Is there a more disappointing word than “setback” to see in a sentence about your favorite player, or an article about your favorite team? You think someone is on the road back, ready to rejoin the lineup… and then… “…setback…” and the clock starts all over again. Inspired by news of Brett Gardner’s second (third? fourth? fifth?) setback from his elbow injury (the same Brett Gardner I stashed on my fantasy team’s DL when someone dropped him, hoping he’d be back shortly and with effectiveness), I thought I’d head over to Google News and see if I could come up with a truly frustrating, disappointing post to help you make it through your Tuesday.

This Week… In Setbacks.

1. The aforementioned Brett Gardner, with his second setback, from his injury suffered April 18. Now not expected back before the All-Star Break.

2. White Sox third baseman Brent Morel, on a back injury rehab assignment, pulled himself out of Thursday’s AAA game.

3. Scott Linebrink, whom the Cardinals released after his second setback in his recovery from right shoulder inflammation. Sort of a heartless quote in the article: “…left the Cardinals feeling that their best move would be to cut ties with Linebrink, rather than moving him to the 60-day DL and continuing to aid him in the rehab process.” Yikes.

And… that’s all I could find, at least with my quick search of baseball injury setback. Which surprised me. I feel like there are ten setbacks a day!

UPDATE: LATE BREAKING SETBACK NEWS… Dustin McGowan and Sergio Santos… someone out there heard me writing this post and decided to, uh, inflame a couple more shoulders….

Et voilà! Quelle offence! But if this team is going to contend, we’re going to need more starting pitching. Who am I forgetting?

C Mike the Valley

1B Adam the Rock

2B Nap the Joy

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Humberto is my friend and he was pointing out one of my best attributes, my eyes! #proudtobeofasiandescent

— Bruce Chen (@ChenMusic) June 10, 2012

Courtesy of CBS Sports’ Eye on Baseball, this heartwarming article about Humberto Quintero and Bruce Chen.

It’s good to know that CBS has an entire blog devoted to things like this.

Wait, what? Are you telling me that every post on “Eye on Baseball” isn’t about the shape of baseball players’ eyes??? But… how… huh…??? Could there even be a more perfect name for the blog that would report this story? It’s really just a coincidence? Seriously?

Stay tuned for my soon-to-be-launched Ears On Baseball blog, which will only contain posts about this guy.

Can I brag about this one fantasy team that I’ve got? It’s a keeper, twelve teams, head-to-head. Think I lost in the championships last year. Traded David Wright and Cole Hamels for Dustin Pedroia before keepers were due, which was kind of a loss maybe, but this team was too good to care and it made my six keepers going into the season Carlos Santana, Joey Votto, Dustin Pedroia, Brett Lawrie, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Gonzalez. Felt pretty good going into the draft.

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Can someone explain to me what was going on in 1955? Was everyone contorted by fear of Communist infiltration? Were chemical mutagens being released experimentally into major league clubhouses? Did Topps photographers surprise players on their way out of the bathroom? And then run their portraits through Photo Booth for Mac?

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