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I go to Twitter looking for Nick Swisher news… and it appears that the word Swisher is slang for something else. I do not know quite what. I feel like I don’t even know English anymore after reading these tweets.

Hell of loud in my swisher.

— February 2nd.(@Black_Dougiee) December 19, 2012

Twisting up this grand daddy purp into a swisher for you.. About to send some clouds your way @itsdeltron Rest easy fam!

— Michael Smann (@michaelsmann) December 19, 2012

I wanna buy a swisher for tomorrow -.-

— Gho$t. (@FittedCapDee_) December 19, 2012

I got purple in my swisher, purple in my car, purple in my wine clap, purple label up, grapes what’s upppp

— Destiny Hughes (@desstiknee) December 19, 2012

You beggen to hit my swisher, nd Yo girl liking all my pictures

— 2Liter AwwChuu (@_AwwChuuBlessMe) December 19, 2012

I have swisher aftertaste in my mouth. Eww.

— Alma (@ThatPutaAlmita) December 19, 2012

Just as we were all still processing the news of Andruw Jones turning Japanese, there came the just-as-startling announcement of another overseas move: occasional mountaineer and gentleman scholar R.A. Dickey is set to take his talents to the nation of Canada. Both Mr. Jones and Mr. Dickey alike will be facing tremendous alienation, disorientation, and miscommunication. The latter, however, possesses a distinct advantage in being a voracious reader. Here, to give him a head start on his acculturation process, I’ve pulled together a small selection of classic titles from the Canadian canon:

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I’m sure this question has been asked before. By all of us. Maybe on an everyday basis, even.

An e-comic strip, submitted by reader Aaron E., imagines what the application of sabermetric principles would produce if applied to comic books:

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…traded in the Blue Jays-Mets deal for R.A. Dickey, was less than a year old when R.A. Dickey was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 10th round of the 1993 draft.

It got me wondering if there have been any players traded for anyone who wasn’t born yet when they started their careers. I quickly checked some likely suspects…

Rickey Henderson (drafted June 1976) traded in 1997 from the Padres to the Angels for Stevenson Agosto (born September 1976). Rickey Henderson is the answer to everything.

Anyone know any others?

Tis the season to give, receive, and be thankful, I guess.

Many people will be getting or have already gotten something other than what they wanted this year, however — and they’re not afraid to tell you about it!

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Reader Greg W. alerts us to a Twitter trend from the Great North. As the Blue Jays grow closer and closer to acquiring R.A. Dickey, an interesting turn of events on the stream:

Check out full coverage here. Thanks, Greg.

(Coming later this week, the Syndergaardification of Faacebook.)

Through him I sheltered from the pain
on a sagging couch
My seat was nearest to the game
as he let those butterflies loose
And while they talked of free agents and prospects,
he transfigured the team into champions.

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Rumour has it — rumour with an authoritative “u,” no less — that Andruw Rudolf Jones will be taking his talents, and his unwieldy collection of Gold Gloves, to Japan. More specifically, what rumour has is that he’ll be taking his talents to lovely, bustling Sendai, City of Trees, and of beef tongue, where the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles of the Japanese Pacific League make their home. While fans of Todd “Moose” Linden, Darrell “Showstopper” Rasner, and Byung-Hyun “Mr. Not-tober” Kim will no doubt be intimately familiar with the Eagles, others of you may appreciate the opportunity to learn more.

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I have decided to make my next entry in the Saber Video Series concerning my most favoritist hitting statistics, wRC+.

BUT.

This involves doing something a baseball hermit rarely does: Saying things aloud. I want to sound, obviously, not foolish, so I will confirm with how you, public, would best vocalize “wRC+.”

Presently, I say (in my head) “worker-plus,” and my wife said “work-plus,” before she said, “Oh, I’d normally just say double-you-are-see-plus,” before she said, “This is how you spend your time?” with the corners of her mouth and the fluttering of her eyes, blinking back tears she would remind herself she never cried.

So tell me: How do YOU saw wRC+?

Dear NotGraphs,

Regards,
Larson Systulli

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