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In pathetic fulfillment of Patrick Dubuque’s NotGraphs Villanelle Challenge™…

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The Canadian Press, Chris Young / AP

R.A. & A.A. are optimistic
the Jays’ window widely splayed —
they’ve got they’re own heuristic.

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As Villanelle Week continues, one more from me…

Fantasy Choices I Have Made

Fantasy choices I have made
I’ve drafted Travis Snider twice
In every league in which I’ve played

I got Reid Brignac in a trade
In which James Shields was the price*
Fantasy choices I have made

Kila Kaaihue made the grade
Greg Colbrunn sounded awfully nice
In too many years I’ve played

I drafted Manny, I’m afraid
In 2012, and for a price
So many choices I have made

A-Jax or Ellsbury, I have weighed
And dropped them both with bad advice
Before the years so great they played

Oh, Justin Duchscherer! I once prayed
He would come back. I rolled the dice
Fantasy choices I have made
I’ve mostly lost in leagues I’ve played

*Shields for Troy Glaus, Reid Brignac, and Ervin Santana. 2009.

What do these individuals have in common?

Daniel Davidson
Geremi Gonzalez
Brian Boehringer
Matt Maysey
Randy Ready
Ramon Romero
Don Dillard
Joe Just
Bill Bartley
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Again, as part of Villanelle Week here at NotGraphs, I offer:

A Villanelle about Villarreal

Villarreal shut down till spring
He has an elbow that is sore
Will he help the Tigers get a ring?

He throws it fast, the batters swing
In the pen, just Benoit struck out more
Villarreal shut down till spring

The heat mid-90s he can bring
But he was off the postseason roster before
Will he help the Tigers get a ring?

About his elbow he was complaining
It is inflamed, but nothing tore
Villarreal shut down till spring

They’re gonna have him stop throwing
He has had soreness there before
Will he help the Tigers get a ring?

To the bullpen this will sting
They thought perhaps he’d close the door
Villarreal shut down till spring
Will he help the Tigers get a ring?

Back in October, The Colbert Report featured a special report on how a drought in the US heartland was threatening the prestige of the World’s Only Corn Palace, located in Mitchell, South Dakota.

Mitchell, South Dakota’s Corn Palace: More Decadent Than Las Vegas?

Due to reasons stemming from the fact that my significant other grew up in Mitchell, South Dakota, I am presently in Mitchell, less than a mile, even, from said (and World’s Only) Corn Palace. So, I’m going to write about it.

A Brief History of the World’s Only Corn Palace
The first iteration of the Corn Palace was built in 1892 “as a way to prove to the world that South Dakota had a healthy agricultural climate,” an issue which had been hotly debated in the very real agricultural climate salons of the 1880s prior to the erection of this first virile — and quite flammable — Corn Palace, which was then and remains to this day the World’s Only Corn Palace.

Since its inception, it has featured new murals on its outer walls on an almost yearly basis, with exceptions coming during the years of the World Wars (when some of the murals were partially painted to save valuable corn for the war efforts), and times of great laziness, like 1982.

What the World’s Only Corn Palace Has to Do With the World’s Only Worthwhile Sport, AKA Baseball
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As part of Villanelle Week here at NotGraphs, I offer:

Who Should Be In The Hall of Fame?

Who should be in the Hall of Fame?
Who do we think should get the call?
Should Bonds or Clemens hear his name?

Should we just say it’s all a game?
Not make Jeff Bagwell take the fall?
Who should be in the Hall of Fame?

Can’t we admit it’s all a shame?
But still reward who hit the ball?
Should Bonds or Clemens hear his name?

Should Mike Piazza take the blame?
Or does back acne say it all?
Who should be in the Hall of Fame?

Are speed and steroids all the same?
Does Raines’ cocaine use cast a pall?
Should Bonds or Clemens hear his name?

And does McGwire have a claim?
Do voters need more years to stall?
Who should be in the Hall of Fame?
Should Bonds or Clemens hear his name?

The offseason is the video game season — because unless we have the patience to find streaming footage of Australian or Latin American baseball, this is all the diamond action we get. And though we have not reached the apex of the video game season — thereabouts of Spring Training when new versions of The Show and OOTP and whatnot start pouring into our grateful gullets — we do have a game to review in the form of the MLB’s new Facebook game entitled MLB Ballpark Empire.

Vitals:

Game: MLB Ballpark Empire
Platform: Facebook (incompatible with Facebook mobile app)
Developer: MLB
Modes: n/a
Cool Features: …it’s free? This is normally where we list a series of facets unique to the game, but the strongest and most unique component of this here title may be simply its price.

Categories:

Realism: 4/10.
Graphics: 9/10.
Difficulty: 9/10.
Details: 4/10.
Playability: 8/10.
Intangibles: 40/50.

Total Score: 74/100 (C)
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Nice photographer baseball cards. But where are the stats?! DPI maybe, aperture, average pieces per year, maybe a weighted number of museum shows indexed to the number of museums showing that year?

A baseball card or ten to Patrick Newman for the link.

Welcome to 2013, gentle post-apocalyptic readers. 2013 is the future, and in the future, the image shall continue to supplant the written word. To prepare you for this, I have composed a rebus: a rebus pertaining to baseball, and also to a certain upcoming feast day. You shall have no further clues. And for full credit, because I am not the pushover I was last year, you must not only solve the rebus, but provide the names of all individuals represented therein.

As a New Year’s bonus, and courtesy of Wikipedia, here is a charming episode from the history of the rebus:

It is reported that when Voltaire was the guest of Frederick the Great at Sanssouci Palace, they exchanged puzzle notes. Frederick sent over a page with two picture blocks on it: two hands below the letter P, and then the number 100 below a picture of a handsaw, all followed by a question mark. Voltaire replied with: Ga!
Both messages were rebuses in the French language: deux mains sous Pé, cent sous scie? (= demain souper, Sanssouci? “supper tomorrow, Sanssouci?”); reply: “big G, small a!” Gé grand, A petit! (= j’ai grand appétit! “I am very hungry!”).

x Hall of Fame built atop ancient steroid factory (9 posts, 3 new)

x Michael Bourn, Shaun Marcum having secret love affair, scaring away potential suitors (21 posts, 20 new)

x A-Rod Dying of Natural Causes (110 posts, 71 new)

x Electric fence at Safeco stopping balls from leaving????? (3 posts, 1 new)

x New evidence Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell same person, also on steroids (17 posts, 14 new)

x Royals run by communists hell-bent on league-wide parity (2 posts, 2 new)

x Denard SPAN’s last name is NAPS backwards = he is fantasy SLEEPER! (44 posts, 29 new)

x Mike Napoli’s “hip problem” is code for SECRET PREGNANCY!!!!!!! (1 post, 1 new)

x Babe Ruth making comeback 2013? (26 posts, 25 new)