Your Demoted Prospects AAA Stat Quiz
Match the player to his AAA stat line.
(a) .408/.508/.592, with a 10:7 BB:K ratio.
(b) .393/.475/.714, with 13 extra-base hits, including 6 homers, in 84 at-bats.
(c) .302/.381/.523.
Archive for Uncategorized
A Team Full Of Beers: Eno’s BeerGraphy NotGraphantasy Club
by Eno Sarris
June 7, 2013
Today, we launched a beer website, a family member for FanGraphs: BeerGraphs. On that site, we hope to ruin beer with spreadsheets much like FanGraphs ruined baseball. But we hope to celebrate beer, like NotGraphs celebrates baseball.
And so my NotGraphantasy club is full of players that made me think of beers. Delightfully delicious beers. Some all hops, and smack you in the face, and some all about balance and poise.
C: Sal Fasano
What beer tastes like mustache and smells like the funk Sal Fasano put out there on a semi-regular basis? Maybe Jolly Pumpkin’s Bam Noire. That beer is made with Brett yeast — some says it smells like goat — and has a sour aspect that could make you screw up your face like you just got a face full of Fasano crotch on a play at the plate on a 90-degree August afternoon. The Bam Noire is worth a full negative four beer wins, but then again, Fasano’s not for everyone either.
The Ballad of Malachi Kittridge, NotGraphsy Manager
On Wednesday, I promised to explain to you little muffins my love of Malachi Kittridge, the turn-of-the-20th-century catcher, refugee from Children of the Corn, and briefly turned manager of the Washington Senators. He was a terrible player, and I love him for that too, but we’ll focus on the managing here.
Tom Loftus had been the Senators’ second skipper, guiding the club to sixth and eighth place finishes in 1902 and 1903 respectively. Nevertheless, he was expected to manage the club in 1904 up until April 12, when he abruptly quit. I haven’t been able to find any documentation about why he quit, but it’s a good bet it had something to do with his boss, “Business Manager” Dwyer (I can’t find his first name anywhere), who the Senators’ minority owners were trying to have removed. Kittridge was appointed the interim manager with the team “in a chaotic state.”
The season started two days later, and Kittridge’s Senators were blown out by Connie Mack’s Philadelphia Athletics. By the end of April, Washington still hadn’t won a game (they had tied in their second game of the year). It would have been payday on May 1, as the Senators left for New York City to start their series against the Highlanders. Dwyer paid third baseman Bill Coughlin his entire salary, around $200, entirely in one dollar bills
“that had swelled like a damp sponge. The bundle was so large and thick Bill couldn’t bend it. He carried his slary under one arm like a loaf of Dutch bread. While transferring from the ferryboat to an L train in New York Coughlin hid the musty wealth beneath his coat. Even then he expected the thugs to bounce a piece of cheese or similar blunt instrument on his head.”
Future Site of Mets AAA Franchise
The Wall Street Journal has a fun piece about the disaster that is the New York Mets. Every AAA affiliate hates them, so they’re stuck with the worst, a Las Vegas team a million miles away from New York, with a lousy stadium, dry air, and no grounds crew.
“They’re undesirable,” said Dave Rosenfield, a longtime Norfolk (Va.) Tides executive. “Nobody wants them.”
The Las Vegas agreement ends after 2014. After moving from Norfolk to New Orleans to Buffalo and now to Las Vegas, there seems to be nowhere worse to go.
Which means the 2015 Mets AAA affiliate is likely going to end up somewhere even more inconvenient…
Like Kandahar. Or Mars. Or nowhere. Go Mets.
Babe Ruth Was the Worst Base Stealer of All Time
Here at Notgraphs Headquarters — at intimate moments before our shared mirror — we like to regard ourselves as Tricksters: rocking the boat, keeping society on its toes, therapeutically inverting the natural order of things. Hence our dedication to exposing the greatnesses of the weak and the weaknesses of the mighty. Given that dedication, I find it incomprehensible that we have not yet paid proper tribute to one such phenomenon: namely, the single most flagrant weakness of the single mightiest baseball player of all time.
This weakness is often described euphemistically, as in, “Babe Ruth was an aggressive, if not particularly efficient, base stealer,” or, “Ruth had deceptive speed on the basepaths, as evidenced by the 123 steals he racked up during his career.” No. Babe Ruth was the worst base stealer of all time. I want this point to be absolutely clear. Because there seems to be some ambivalence about ascribing such a glaring flaw to such a heroic figure, I will proceed to support my assertion with Evidence.
Hopeless Joe’s Hopeless Royals Chat
Hopeless Joe is, of course, a longtime Royals fan. How could he not be? Recently, he answered a series of questions about the Royals from other fans who are so hopeless that they don’t even exist. Here is a transcript of that chat.
Q. So, George Brett. Will he save this team from oblivion?
A. Well, despite the wise words of John Wathan (“There’s no doubt in my mind he’ll have an impact“), I am, as usual, skeptical. The last time a new hitting coach really changed anything was back in Little League, when my first hitting coach–our star second baseman’s father, who was trying to make up for a lack of steady employment by spending thirty hours a week working on “Little League-related matters”–was caught under the bleachers with our left fielder’s mother, “examining the grass down there.” His replacement, an accountant far ahead of his time statistically, advised us all to steer clear of the ball and wait for a walk, because the ball is dangerous, and we might get hurt. Our already-pitiful record got even worse. And that’s why I don’t think George Brett has much of chance to turn things around. I do expect an increase, however, in the number of Royals players who crap in their pants, even excluding any age-related incontinence that might be plaguing elderly third base placeholder Miguel Tejada.
Buy This For Me: A Creepy Figurine
Over the many months that I have worked here at NotGraphs, I have never asked for anything from you, the reader. I have provided you with at least a couple minutes of amusement, if not always intentionally and often at my own expense. I have provided this amusement free of charge. My work has cost you nothing, except perhaps your eternal soul. And I have come to believe that we are connected now in that great cosmic sense where people are connected to one another. We are bound together. I have given, and you have taken.
But the scales demand balancing, my friends. They do. This cannot be a relationship where we are unequal to one another. I cannot be your teacher; we must teach each other. Otherwise, certainly, there will be a growing resentment between us, and that would break my heart. My heart that I keep pouring out to you, in the hopes that you would have something to return to me. And yet, you have given me nothing.
Thus, in the name of all that is fair and just, I command you to go out and buy this for me:
Here are some “better” images of it:
Yes, it is an exceptionally creepy figurine of indeterminate material that may or may not be very old and rare that the seller is asking $1,500 for. Between the literally tens of you who will read this post, it hardly seems like too much to ask for you to band together, pool your resources and make us even-steven.
You ask why do I want this? What will I do with it? “Shut up,” I say. That’s not really any of your business right now. Your business is to buy me this thing that I want.
I get that after you buy it, you’re going to want to know that I appreciate your purchase, and that I’m giving it its proper respect in my home. You want to see it on display. I understand this, and I will be happy to show you how it is reverently displayed. But until then, my business is my own. My desires are my own. My plans are my own, and I will not have them called into question. That would be rude, that question calling.
So go. Talk in the comments. Figure out who is going to buy this for me and how best to get them the money. And bring me this small baseball figurine cast from indeterminate material. Do my bidding. Show your gratitude. Make us equals.
Three Harts (Beat as One)
Milwaukee’s Corey Hart, recuperating from a January knee surgery, has yet to play a game this year. With fewer opportunities to appreciate Hart’s craggy visage, renewed potential exists for confusion with other individuals of the same name. Since a search of the Internet failed to produce a satisfactory guide, I have produced one myself.
| Corey Hart | Corey Hart | “Cory Heart” | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Full Name | Johnny Corey Hart | Corey Mitchell Hart | Courtney Simpson |
| Occupation | Baseball player | Musician | Actor |
| Appearance |  |
 |
 |
| Height & Weight | 6’6″/234 | 5’10″/? | 5’2″/99 |
| Birthdate | March 24, 1982 | May 31, 1962 | May 9, 1985 |
| Birthplace | Bowling Green, Kentucky | Montreal, Quebec | Mesa, Arizona |
| Position | Right field, first base | Vocals, keyboards, piano, guitar, drums | Various |
| Teams | Brewers | Aquarius, Capitol | Max Hardcore, Wicked Pictures |
| Debuted | 2004 | 1983 | 2005 |
| Retired | – | “Semi-retired” | 2006 |
| Appearances | 3802 | 9 (albums) | 199 |
| Hits | 950 | “Sunglasses at Night,” “Never Surrender” | Trophy Whores, Legal & Hot, Double Gulp |
| Awards & Nominations | 2x All-Star; 25th in MVP voting, National League, 2010 | 2x Juno winner; nominated for Grammy, Best New Artist, 1984 | Nominated for AVN Award, Best All-Girl Sex Scene, 2006 |
| Religion | Converted to Christianity in 2011 | “Is the opiate of masses” (“Political Cry”) | Raised a devout Mormon |
| Eyewear | Began wearing prescription goggles in 2010 | Noted for nocturnal use of tinted lenses | Donned temporarily for Bookworm B*tches |
| Strengths | Home run power; deceptive speed | Passionate vocals; “cool, athletic” looks | Flexibility, congeniality |
| Weaknesses | Penchant for strikeouts; below-average defense | Lack of lyrical depth | Aversion to “watersports” |
| Controversy | Allowed infant daughter to be sprayed with beer | Publicly supported gay rights with single “Truth Will Set U Free” | Appeared on film wearing Arizona State cheerleader uniform; university threatened legal action |
| Trivia | Walkup song is ‘Until the Whole World Hears’ by Casting Crowns | Briefly considered for the role of Marty McFly in Back to the Future | Left home after a stack of pornographic pictures of her was left on her parents’ doorstep |
#Shame
A shame the a’s and giants have to play these games at the coliseum while ATandT sits empty. #shame
— Jon Heyman (@JonHeymanCBS) May 29, 2013
Sean Doolittle, Jarrod Parker, Josh Reddick, and Brett Anderson tweeted responses that indicated they weren’t thrilled with Heyman’s comment. Meanwhile, here at NotGraphs, we’ve gained access to Jon Heyman’s Unpublished Draft Tweetbank (TM) to find some other #shame tweets he ultimately decided not to post:
