Throughout history there are countless examples of men becoming victims of their own, respective creations. There’s Dr. Frankenstein and his monster; there’s the Rick Moranis character from Little Shop of Horrors and that giant, soulful carnivorous plant; there’s… well, allow me rephrase: “Throughout history, there are at least two examples of men becoming victims of their own, respective creations.”

To which list, we can now add a third: NotGraphs and its celebration of the Peter Gammons mis-tweet. As the reader will know, NotGraphs has endeavored to become the leading voice in Gammons’ mis-tweet coverage, and I believe — if you’ll pardon the cursing — I believe we’ve covered the hell out of it.

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It has been said by no one, so far as I know, that a man who knows his strengths will do great things, but a man who knows his limitations is probably way less of a douche.

In any case, having read zero of the other words he’s ever written in his life, I can say with some authority that, despite the other (likely many) flaws he possesses, the Daily News’s David Murphy — author of the tweet you see above — knows his place in this world.

And, when you think about it, it’s not the worst place to have. Imagine asking merely affluent or (gasp) middle-class people about their groins! “The horror! The horror!” indeed, Mr. Kurtz.

You can’t make that stuff up. Hence the “#TrueStory” hashtag.

What a disaster. On the bright side: The Twin Cities’ nightmare is almost over.

H/T: @PatrickSull. He’s my favorite Masshole.

As part of his ongoing efforts to bring world peace to the world, Peter Gammons submitted some important thoughts via Twitter late Wednesday night that have given the neterati much in the way of food for thought.

In an effort to fully digest said food, NotGraphs’ own Eric Augenbraun rendered Gammons’ cryptic message into the LOLGammo form that he’s made famouser than famous, as follows:

And because the internet only contains so many images of Peter Gammons, the present author has also attached Gammons’ message to the first three random images proffered by that most indispensable of websites, ROFL Bot.

To wit:

George Washington crossing the Delaware:

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Were one to construct a sort of pantheon of modern religious thinkers, it would, of course, be difficult to neglect such personages as Hans Urs von Balthasar, Karl Rahner, and — if you’re the sort of person who considers “Protestantism” a thing — Paul Tillich.

Another name you’d be loathe to forget is the one belonging to White Sox field manager and mouthy Latin gentleman Ozzie Guillen, who yesterday blew the entire world’s mind via his comments (rendered lovingly into tweet form by the Sun-Times‘ Chris De Luca) regarding a sort of cryptic hybrid polytheism as yet unconceived in extant scholarship.

Specifically, Guillen speaks of (a) a personal god belonging to White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf and (b) what Guillen calls the “real” god. Though Guillen clearly differentiates between the two, he fails — or, perhaps, coyly neglects — to note whether any other gods exist in this compelling and rich half-mythology.

It’s for his simultaneous brilliance and stubborn opacity that Guillen has frequently been referred to as “Derrida in a ballcap” and, other times, as “an effing a-hole.”

I was all prepared to launch into a tenuously humorous explanation of the genesis of Peter Gammons’s latest mistweet. I was going to speculate that this tweet was actually intended to be received by Theo Epstein. Then, I was going to fabricate the text conversation between Epstein and Gammo. It would have looked something like this:

Theo (617-XXX-XXXX): Hey Pete

Peter (857-XXX-XXXX): Theo. What’s up buddy?

Theo (617-XXX-XXXX): Nothin much. I just need ur help wit sumthing.

Peter (857-XXX-XXXX): No problem.

Theo (617-XXX-XXXX): So Marie is sayin she wants 2 go on a cruise after the season is ovr. I was wonderin which company u think is the best cuz I kno u n Gloria have been on a few.

Peter (857-XXX-XXXX): Do you want to know what I really think?

Theo (617-XXX-XXXX): Hell yea!!!

Peter (857-XXX-XXXX): Come November there will be lots of rich people willing to take you on their yachts

But then it dawned on me that Gammons’s tweet looked very familiar. I had definitely seen it somewhere before. But where?

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Dallas Braden is excited.

See? I told you.

You, the reader, may not fully understand just how excited Dallas Braden is. I, the author, somewhat fortunately, do not understand just how excited Dallas Braden is. But you know who does? People on the Maury Povich show. Like this guy:

And this guy:

In fact, I think Braden actually might have been on Maury one of those times… I think we have the footage (which will be embiggened upon clickage):

Well, just allow me to say congratulations to Dallas on both fronts (the being able to throw and the not being the father).

Many thanks to Holy Maury Mother Of God for existing and having these great images.

It’s becoming increasingly evident that Peter Gammons’s “pocket tweets” are not actually pocket tweets at all. Unless Gammons’s pocket lint is able to form sentences like “You’re really helping me” and “I was worried it was the pancakes,” the more likely explanation is that he is unable to distinguish his phone’s texting interface from its Twitter client. Thus, rather than being sent discreetly to his intended interlocutor, these messages are broadcast to his nearly 100,000 followers.

Indeed, one of the great joys of Twitter is being there when one of these gems is set free into the internets. Gammons’s latest mistweet (presented for your consumption in LOLGammo form above) is like a puzzle and a joke all tied into one. The statement “Buy her a washing machine” raises a few questions:

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For those of you (like me) into the aesthetics of athletics, the uniforms worn by the University of Maryland Monday night where a largely discussed topic. Many — like the afore-noted Jay Bilas — were all verklempt, in awe at how the Terrapins ‘ football team could wear such an ugly outfit. Others, like me, were confused at first, but have turned over to the dark side of the weird jerseys.

Enough talking. Observe:

Take it in. Form an opinion. Ready? Okay.

Now, back to Bilas’s tweet. “The 1970’s Astros wouldn’t be caught dead in those uniforms.” Rather than make some sort of judgment of what the 1970’s Astros would or wouldn’t be caught dead in, let’s just take a look at what they were definitely caught alive in, via Dressed to the Nines:

So, what do you think? Which were worse? Or, if you’re crazy, which was better (better as in “more good,” not “less bad”). Personally, I think I can appreciate both. Even though I probably won’t be caught dead in either.

Other things that are likely fun with Joe Maddon:

• Turkish Bath
• Cricket Analysis
• Double Dare