I mean, he really hates everything about the experience.

American is the worst fucking airline in the whole world

— Omar Vizquel (@VizquelOmar13) July 9, 2012

Omar’s on vacation, goddamnit!

By the way, in some excellent and, most notably, quick, work, NotGraphs’ Highly Reputable and Totally Real Think Tank has confirmed that, yes, American Airlines is actually the worst airline in the world.

Next time, Omar Vizquel will make other arrangements.

No shit. Next time I will RT @meganrad: @VizquelOmar13 Take a greyhound bus.

— Omar Vizquel (@VizquelOmar13) July 9, 2012

Here’s Hunter Pence absolutely explode-tackling his third-base coach while running to the plate: atmlb.com/LWIfff

— MLB (@MLB) July 8, 2012

The author has often stated — at cocktail parties, at area bars after those same cocktail parties — that neologism is his favorite sort of gism.

Thus it was with no little pleasure that the author found, in the midst of his Twitter feed this morning, the above-embedded message, courtesy Major League Baseball itself.

A brief inspection of the web — noted for being worldwide in its dimensions — reveals that neither explode-tackle nor any of its variants (explode-tackling, will have explode-tackled, etc.) is in anything like common use.

What it (i.e. the WWW) does reveal is that Juan Samuel has ordered a Code Red to be performed in and around and on the head part of Hunter Pence.

The Internetting Gentleperson will surely not consider his or her day complete having failed to lay eyes — and hot, heaving clandestine breaths — upon this entirely authentic, unedited tweet:

Read the rest of this entry »

In chronological order:

If somebody keep calling and calling to u phone and u don’t want to talk to that person what do u do?

— Ivan Nova (@IvanNova47) July 2, 2012

Read the rest of this entry »

NotGraphs reader and Pittsburgh Pirates fan RamboDiaz brought the following Twitter interaction between Pittsburgh Tribune-Review writer Dejan Kovacevic and Twitterer Robert Sosko to the attention of Hot NotGraphs Hotline:

@Dejan_Kovacevic I only worry about his dating life. twitter.com/PittsburghIdio…

— Robert Sosko (@PittsburghIdiot) June 30, 2012

Read the rest of this entry »

“Maybe the world is blind / Or just a little unkind”: these lines — posited originally by Gary Portnoy, composer of the theme song for TV’s Punky Brewster — seem perhaps like the aimless lamentations of the peculiarly sensitive. Upon further inspection, however, Portnoy’s (ahem) complaint appears to be as relevant today as when Punky Brewster’s mother abandoned her at a Chicago, Illinois, shopping center in 1984.

Indeed, if Brian MacPherson of the Providence Journal is to be believed, recently acquired utility man Brent Lillibridge is trapped in Kevin Youkilis’s old locker and nobody cares.

Read the rest of this entry »

Rangers baseball pitcher Derek Holland seems like a lovely young man. Part of that loveliness — a necessary part, I would submit — is that his Twitter predilections are as nude of airs and fronts as something that is just … nude, with silly, floppy genitals brandished like … something silly and floppy that has been brandished.

Witness:

You know who follows McDonald’s on Twitter? Yes, exactly: a gentleman secure in his tastes and station. Now let us McD.L.T.

After his second Tommy John surgery Tuesday afternoon, Kyle Drabek, still only 24-years-old, has a long road of rehab in front of him. And, let’s be honest, nobody likes rehab. It’s a real drag.

On Tuesday night, Drabek, for one evening at least, was like the rest of us: Watching the game — Blue Jays visiting the Brewers — on TV at home, high on some drugs.

And it was some bloody game. A graph on NotGraphs, if I may:

Read the rest of this entry »

Today’s peculiar tweet comes from the official Twitter feed of the Baltimore Orioles (click to embiggen):

From the official Twitter account of the Chicago Cubs (click to embiggen, if you darest):