Archive for Most Marvelous and Currently Available Ballcaps

To the extent that it’s responsible both for an aphid that nearly destroyed France’s entire wine industry once and also the whole Fast and Furious media franchise, it’s probably fair to say that not every export produced on US soil is full exclusively of virtue.

One entirely unassailable American invention, however, is the baseball cap — consummate examples of which important garment the author has considered in some depth at different points over the past couple months.

What follows is another installment in that series — and, specifically, of five such ballcaps as are currently available for purchase by way of internet auction house eBay.com.

Atlanta Black Crackers Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: 2 days, 3 hours
Cost: US $9.99 (Starting Bid) / US $14.99 (Buy It Now)

Former NBA point guard Jason Williams was known by the sobriquet White Chocolate on account of how, despite his pigmentation, he played a brand of basketball much more commonly found (according to former Sacramento Kings media coordinator Stephanie Shepard) on the playgrounds of Chicago. Black Cracker, one notes, is somehow both the same as and also the opposite of White Chocolate.

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Twice now, in these electronic pages, the author has alerted the public to ballcaps of great merit made available by means of internet auction house eBay.com. What follows represents an unimaginative sequel to those two earlier installments.

Oakland A’s Eckersley Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: N/A
Cost: US $28.39 (Buy It Now)

It’s much less the actual appearance and more the idea of this particular cap that is attractive. Dennis Eckersley was, for years, an above-average starting pitcher. Upon joining Oakland in 1987, he became more or less the majors’ best reliever for nearly a decade. Now, even 15 years after having retired, Eckersley persists in sporting a coiffure typically reserved for those either en route to or on the way home from a sexy key party. Multitudes, he could be said to contain.

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Recently, in these electronic pages, the author drove significantly more traffic than usual by means of a post alerting the public to five ballcaps of great merit available (at that time) on internet auction house eBay.com. What follows represents a nakedly desperate attempt to re-create that rare success.

To wit:

Montreal Expos 20th Anniversary Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: 28 days, 23 hours
Cost: US $25.00 (Buy It Now)

Some will argue that beauty is subjective. Ancient mathematician Euclid, who explored in some depth the idea of the Golden Ratio, would argue that those people are super wrong. What else he’d probably argue is that, among all the ballcaps currently available on eBay, this vintage and white Expos one is manifestly the most appealing. Of note for potential buyers: there’s no indication from the relevant auction page whether Jonah Keri is or isn’t included in the purchase price.

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It’s a truth as old as time, if not somehow older: the most immediate way to apprise the world of one’s virtues as a human person is not by means of wealth or education or spiritual excellence, but rather by the purchase and then subsequent vesting of an excellent ballcap.

In the service of doing that exact thing, the author has recently inspected popular online retailer eBay with a view towards identifying those ballcaps which might most ably cultivate a sense of what Andre Breton referred to as “the marvelous” and what Kanye West referred to more recently, probably, as “a celebration.”

Anderson Lawmen New Era Hat (Link)
Style: Fitted (7 3/8)
Time Left: 19 days, 8 hours
Cost: US $29.99 (Buy It Now)

The Lawmen, according to Baseball Reference, were an Indiana-based independent-league team which belonged, first, to the Mid-America League and then, after that, the Heartland League. I have it on decent, if not good, authority that anyone who wears this hat is automatically deputized in whichever municipality he currently resides.

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