While there’s nothing explicitly wrong with watching an entire 14-minute YouTube compilation of only air-show crashes — and while such a video might serve to remind one that life is fleeting and ephemeral — it’s also difficult to ignore the unpleasant sensation produced inside of oneself just after having regarded death upon loud and fiery death of otherwise innocent peoples.
I missed a chance at ballpark greatness,
a glorious battle for ball control wasted
as your mother’s face turned faceless
and her stomach strength proved faithless.
So the next time Longo hits a bombo,
and I’ve the fortune to be a bleacher creature,
know full well: I expect that you
will clamber for that ball with me too.
Clickbait headlines usually say something to the effect of “You won’t believe what happens next!” This headline, my headline, commands you to believe what happened on Monday. Chelsea Baker, high school pitcher, knuckled into the Rays batting practice:
Yes. She is a 17-year-old throwing batting practice, making All-Star Hitters look silly. I would say 17-year-old me is jealous, but 27-year-old me — as well as all my other outside-of-time iterations — are even more jealous.
Orahovac [or-a-HO-vawts] is a Croatian liqueur made from walnuts and designed — like other beverages classified as an apéritif — designed to stimulate the appetite.
The GIF embedded here of Matt Shoemaker’s excellent split-change is also designed to stimulate the appetite — not for the evening meal, however, but rather for Matt Shoemaker’s start tonight against the Texas Rangers that begins shortly after (a) 8pm ET and (b) the United States’ probably rousing victory over Portugal.
Živjeli, is what we now say.
It’s not uncommon — with the dinner hour approaching — it’s not uncommon for a gentleman or -lady to partake of such a beverage as might stimulate the appetite and brighten the mood. An apéritif, is how one generally calls this brand of libation.
While the advent of things like MiLB.tv have made it easier to view certain minor league baseball games, many times the fidelity of such footage falls somewhere between 1993 Magnavox TV/VHS combo and wax pencil on onion paper. The recent game between the Frisco RoughRiders and the Corpus Christi Hooks featured both HD footage and a performance by Rangers prospect Joey Gallo. While the resolution is improved, the cameraman’s anticipation-induced trembling gives the following footage a little bit of a Zapruder-film vibe. It can be described, nevertheless, as impressive.
Back, and to the left.
The animated GIF embedded here depicts a changeup thrown by Stephen Strasburg to Mitch Moreland from a whole week ago – so, unlike many other media files which will have appeared on the internet today, it lacks timeliness.
Fortunately, what it lacks in timeliness, it makes up for with timelessness — insofar, that is, as Moreland plays the part here of anyone dumb enough to have been born and Strasburg’s changeup plays the part of that which one might desire and Moreland’s errant swing represents the futility of human endeavor, obviously.
In the current state of baseball, where tiny little NSA cameras are tracking every player’s move and GMs do deals exclusively via business sexts, a player must make sure they are well represented in the online community. Anybody who is anybody has an out-of-date webpage promoting their charity, an Instagram account for posting dark and blurry pictures of steaks, and a Twitter page that shares bullshit phrases falsely attributed to famous people. This is imperative. A player’s to-do list for the day includes calisthenics, a sensible meal, and stepping up their social media game to the fullest. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
This is the case for Jonathan Singleton. His MLB career is one day old, but he already has a major league home run under his belt. That’s one home run wasted without a signature home run hashtag. His teammate George Springer has the almost coital #SpringerDinger moniker to denote his home runs. It is time to create another.
The Astros fans/writers I commiserate with on Twitter have some ideas, but since at least 12% of NotGraphs readers are creative, I figured it would be a good idea to ask the filthy masses. Do your best. Make daddy proud.
[polldaddy poll=8100208]
There are a number of acts one will likely never witness Red Sox prospect Garin Cecchini performing during the course of his (i.e. Garin Cecchini’s) life. Like Garin Cecchini embracing his newborn child, for example. Or Garin Cecchini enjoying hazelnut gelato alongside the Aurelian wall on a perfect Roman evening.
Doubt in one’s own capacities is among the most very human of qualities. It represents zero of the traits, however, exhibited by Cardinals outfielder Oscar Taveras in the footage embedded here of that same player recording his first hit and home run simultaneously against the San Franciscans.
