It’s possible that the screwball Hector Santiago throws is actually not that great of a pitch. It doesn’t get a ton of whiffs or grounders, he seems to have lost control of it a bit, there’s a chance that using it less this year has led to more success, and mostly batters just don’t swing at it.

And yet, with famous screwgie throwers like Tug McGraw and Fernando Valenzuela backing him up, it’s worth trying to perfect.

Here’s a decent one, from his start against the Mets on May 22nd:

The Columbia Guide to Standard American English continues to regard — or regarded in 1993, at least — the word alot as a “substandard” form of the adverbial construction a lot. The author has utilized it in the title of this post, however, as an important reminder that nearly everything in life is substandard. Like the chair, for example, in which the author is presently sitting. And like this body, for example, in which the author is trapped for life.

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Of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s widely celebrated 1967 novel One Hundred Years of Solitude, critic William Kennedy wrote in the New York Times Book Review that it’s “the first piece of literature since the Book of Genesis that should be required reading for the entire human race.” Approximately 460 years before Marquez’s novel, noted Flemish painter Hieronymus Bosch finished his stirring triptych The Garden of Earthly Delights.

Regarding both Marquez and Bosch, it’s probably fair to say that their respective legacies and influence will outlast Dodgers rookie Yasiel Puig’s. That said, it’s also fair to say that neither has hit four home runs in his last five games — especially not Bosch, who was inconveniently dead for over 300 years even before our sport was even invented.

In any case, Puig has clearly been influenced both by Marquez and by Bosch, as the following three animated GIF files illustrate.

Like this one, for example, of Paul Maholm’s first pitch to Puig in the latter’s third plate appearance tonight — on which Puig gestured as though to bunt:

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There’s little from history to recommend naked appeals to the sordid, teeming masses. Former Louisiana governor Huey Long, for example, was decidedly populist in nature and ended up all assassinated in his own state capitol building. More recently, Italian media tycoon Silvio Berlusconi — no stranger to the absolutely lowest common denominator — has been forced to serve as that ridiculous country’s prime minister on no fewer than three occasions. “Very unappealing,” one says with regard to that.

And yet, even with those cautionary tales having been well established, what the author has done here is to capture video of Dodgers outfielder Yasiel Puig’s hitting his third home run in four games — a grand slam in the eighth inning, no less, to secure victory for the home team — and render it into GIF form.

“Cynical!” says one sort of reader. “Exciting and easy to consume!” says another. And what does the author say? “Nothing,” is the answer — because it’s after midnight locally, and he’s all alone in the house, typing these vain, needless words.

Very exciting Dodger prospect Yasiel Puig ended his first ever major-league game with the good kind of double play, catching a fly ball off the bat of Kyle Blanks with one out in the top of the ninth, and then doubling up otherwise totally blameless Italian-American Chris Denorfia at first base — and creating SEO Magic in the process.

Who has a career OBP above .400 and the greatest batting stance in the NCAA?

My boy, Alex Buccilli of Coastal Carolina:

According to The Baseball Cube, Buccilli’s stance — a product of a sport’s psychologists suggestion to build a routine — has resulted in a career .358/.473/.477 slash (860 PA). His Coastal Carolina team has a combined .271/.370/.354 slash. His league, the Big South Conference, has a .274/.350/.366 slash.

Well done, Buccilli.

More GIFs below.
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I saw Tyler Skaggs. He was 89-90 on the fastball, the curve was good, but the changeup sucked. I saw Tyler Skaggs.

What? That’s his changeup now? And he was 92-93? Who’s this?

Tyler Skaggs?

Johnny Four Eyes, you are the NotGraphs Fan of the Night!

In the matter of four seconds, you manage to display looks of fear for your well-being, concern for the well-being of Nate McClouth, general confusion, and a firm belief that this was not a catch.

Looks like ducking out early from your world history lecture paid off, Johnny! Congratulations! You win a … I dunno, a Labatt? It’s probably a Labatt.

It’s no use concealing the fact, reader, that your life is a series of failures, each more disappointing than the last.

Rather than trying in vain to improve your own station in life, however — which course of action is likely to end only in even greater embarrassment — consider regarding the brief victories of other, more able-bodied and -minded humans. Like this changeup by Ross Wolf, for example, from earlier today — with which pitch Wolf struck out contact-oriented Oakland catcher John Jaso.

Regard the footage until its enchantment wears off. Then proceed to another area of the internet and repeat.

Some things are worth being certain about. When your cat is begging for food, it is worth being certain he has not already eaten and thereby just being a fatso. Because if you feed your cat too much, he will eat himself into your wallet, pilfer your hard-earned cash for cat-related medical bills. So take the extra moment to consider, “Did I already feed this fatso this morning?”

Likewise, when Munenori Kawasaki commissions a new series of GIFs, the artistic baseball community needs to see them. It is a thing worth being certain about. I want to be certain the NotGraphs readers have seen Ben Halpern’s GIFs of Munenori Kawasaki warming up: