Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

“Hi, I’m Kyle Farnsworth. You probably know me as a longtime major-league reliever with the Cubs, Rays, Yankees, and other teams. Baseball is great, but my real passion is helping people plan for their future — financially, yes, but also spiritually, how to deal with aging, all of it. Regardless of what it is, having a plan is important.

“Let me give you an example from my own life. In 2003, when I was with the Cubs, I threw an inside fastball to Reds pitcher Paul Wilson, who was attempting to bunt. Wilson came out of the box and was barking at me, so I said something back. Then, Wilson dropped his bat and ran at me. Then I beat his goddamn ass.

“Paul Wilson’s problem was, he didn’t have a plan. He decided to throw down, but hadn’t considered anything further than that. And what happened? He got blown up by a weapon known as Kyle Farnsworth’s Impressive Biceps Especial.

“Now let’s look at it from the other side. Soon as Wilson starts running his mouth, I’m surveying the situation. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character in Terminator, is how I think of it. I analyze all the weak points in my possible opponent, try and assess his willingness to fight, and then beat his goddamn ass.

“I want to help you do in your life like what I did to Paul Wilson on a baseball field. I’m Kyle Farnwsorth, and this is Planning for Your Future, with Kyle Farnsworth.”

Read more Kyle Farnwsorth coverage from yesterday by Bradley Woodrum.

Because the present author’s brother-in-law is both a medical doctor of some local repute and also does things like “own a house” and “shower daily,” there are few occasions upon which he (i.e. that same author) is able to demonstrate competency in areas where that brother-in-law does not.

The capacity both to manufacture animated GIFs and also embed them, then, is perhaps one of the few skills the author has acquired which remain outside of his brother-in-law’s purview. Accordingly, when the brother-in-law in question — a Tigers fans, it should be noted — made a passing remark about Prince Fielder’s towering home run from Friday’s game at Tampa Bay, the author regarded it as an invitation to engage in the lamest brand of display behavior currently known to science.

So, for the benefit of Jason, here’s a GIF of Fielder’s home run from Friday that required almost no effort for your sister’s husband to make and embed:

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Twins minor leaguer Jordan Parraz hasn’t been a Twins minor leaguer for very long. Until the beginning of May he was a Braves minor leaguer. In 2011, he was a Yankees minor leaguer. Before that he was also, at different points, both a Royals and also an Astros minor leaguer. In sum, Jordan Parraz — originally a third-round pick out of high school by Houston in 2004 — has amassed over 3,500 minor-league plate appearances and precisely zero major-league ones. In addition to some things, Jordan Parraz has likely seen some persons and places, as well. Jordan Parraz is well acquainted with nouns, is the point.

Perhaps related or not, is the footage below of Jordan Parraz from Wednesday’s Double-A Eastern League game between Twins affiliate New Britain and Pirates affiliate Altoona. Ought what Parraz is doing here be referred to as a bat flip proper? Perhaps not. To suggest, however, that bat antics are afoot is an exercise in obvious suggestions.

Like this first one, from the fifth inning, after earning a walk from Altoona pitcher Nathan Baker:

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Scooter Gennett, a young man of 23, found himself in a bad situation. When one finds himself between a proverbial rock and hard place, one tends to rely in his instincts. In the above case, Gennett’s instincts told him to throw down a sick skateboarding move. Had he an actual deck under his feet, there is no doubt in the current author’s mind that Gennett would have kick-flipped the shit out of Carlos Corporan’s face.

Alas, Gennett was boardless, causing him to not only get tagged out, but to cost his team a possible run in a the tightest of games.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton. Alright Giancarlo, ready to play?

Here’s the question. It’s the top of the 6th inning. You’re down two runs. There’s a man on and you’re in a 2-0 count. Patrick Corbin throws you a 93 MPH fastball down the middle. What do you do?

GS: “I think the answer is Barrel It.”

That is correct. Join us next time for another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton.

It may not necessarily be the case that major-league debutant Brandon Cumpton’s slider is an excellent pitch. It’s probably the case that it features too much lateral movement to ultimately prove very effective against left-handed major-league hitters.

What is certainly the case, however, is that a combination of Cumpton’s excellent placement of the pitch to Dodgers leadoff hitter Skip Schumaker and Pittsburgh’s excellent camera angle have conspired here to create either Art Eternal or Art Mostly Eternal.

(As Matt Hoeppner correctly points out, this was only strike two.)

The author would like to announce sans delay that — contrary to all of the rumors which have been totally swirling everywhere — that he acquired the animated GIF here of Cardinals prospect Mike O’Neill hitting his second home run of the season by entirely legal means and absolutely not in exchange for a tidy sum of cash on a street corner in Providence, Rhode Island, regardless of what supposed “photographic evidence” suggests.

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I am known in certain circles, though not all circles, as an SEO wizard.