Sources close to the situation — and also just the box score itself — suggest that right-hander Jose Fernandez has homered tonight off Mike Minor in the sixth inning of Miami’s game against Atlanta. Internet hysteria suggests further that Fernandez has tossed his bat aside, spit on Atlanta third baseman Chris Johnson, and stabbed Atlanta manager Fredi Gonzalez in the subclavian artery with a crudely made shiv-weapon.

Mostly by way of Jeff Sullivan’s industry, NotGraphs presents here part of what appears to have been a night full of goddamn American fists in Miami, Florida.

If there’s one thing for which NotGraphs is known, it’s producing content designed specifically to court hot internet clicks. If there’s a second thing for which it’s known, however — besides that first thing involving hot internet clicks — it’s appealing to readers with the big, broad outlook. “There’s an entire world out there,” the editor of this site has often pronounced at company meetings, gesturing with his arms to the nearest window, so as to emphasize the point. “What our readers demand is that we cover it.”

It’s in fulfillment of that editorial mandate, then, that the author presents the animated GIF embedded here (from a longer video) of Doosan outfielder Byung-Hun Min both homering and then, with what the French may or may not call le grand geste, releasing his bat.

Credit to Dan of My KBO for bringing this footage to the public’s attention.

Among the (certainly) many traits which the animated GIF embedded here — of NC Dinos’ designated hitter Ho-Joon Lee first releasing his bat with a great flourish and then, as extended coverage reveals, flying out to right field — among the many traits it shares with a West Coast party, certainly one of those is that neither appears likely to stop at any point in the near future.

For further similarities, please consult the author’s scholarly paper on the matter in the forthcoming edition of Archiv für Begriffsgeschichte.

Credit to concerned internet citizen Josh Augustine for bringing this to the editoriat’s attention.

While examining the animated GIF embedded here of Elvis Andrus first homering and then, second, lazily tossing aside his bat, one is confronted by three facts, as follow:

1. Firstly, that it is not uncommon for base-and-ball traditionalists to suggest that it is incumbent upon each player, when he has homered, to “act like he’s been there before”; but also that

2. Noted pre-Socratic philosopher and pretty sad mec Heraclitus famously announced that “one can never step into the same river twice”; and finally that

3. Prior to his home run this evening, Elvis Andrus had recorded precisely zero of those (i.e. home runs) this season.

Confronted by these facts, is what one is.
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Credit to concerned citizen of the internet Ben Hudson for bringing this to the author’s attention.

No less an authority than Wikipedia, a free and electronic encyclopedia of some renown, informs us that an existential crisis might result from any of the following conditions:

• The sense of being alone and isolated in the world;
• A new-found grasp or appreciation of one’s mortality;
• Believing that one’s life has no purpose or external meaning;
• Searching for the meaning of life;
• Awareness of one’s freedom and the consequences of accepting or rejecting that freedom; and
• An extremely pleasurable or hurtful experience that leaves one seeking meaning.

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Yesterday, Carson Cistulli’s proprietary equations determined that Wil Myers bat flips were alone in this galaxy. Simultaneously, DRaysBay user Edged was presenting this above GIF, in which Myers throws the bat right through your computer monitor.

Don’t put on your 3D goggles, kids! It will only make your eyes bleed.

In 1961, astronomer Frank Drake authored an equation (known colloquially as the Drake Equation) designed to estimate the number of detectable civilizations in the Milky Way galaxy, which equation accounted for the average number of star formations per year in the galaxy and the fraction of those stars that have planets and the average number of those planets that could potentially support life, etc.

Just tonight, the present author has devised a similar equation — except, in this case, one intended to estimate the number of other weblogs that might have already posted the bat flip by Wil Myers embedded above from the third inning of Sunday’s Tampa Bay-New York game (box). “Zero others,” is the likely answer via that equation’s impregnable logic.

Credit to concerned citizens of the internet, both je and Dan Rozenson, for bringing these important events to the author’s attention.

The SEO Wizard strikes again.

It is manifestly the case that people who are shackled by responsibilities and whose lives are little more than a series of burdensome obligations, one upon the other — it’s manifestly the case that these sorts of people take pains, whenever possible, to inform other, different people whose lives aren’t conspicuously awful that “sometimes it’s necessary to do things in life that you don’t want to.”

Besides ending their sentences with prepositions all the time — itself an unattractive quality — these people commit another grievous error, as well, in supposing that their actions are somehow of any consequence in the world.

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There are certain things a man must do in this life. Like fight a mountain lion with only his hands, for example. And look up the precise definition of fiduciary at some point, for other example.

A third thing a man must do in this life is both capture via a screencasting application and then render into animated GIF form footage of very Cuban émigré Yoenis Cespedes performing what is known in that island nation as a Bat Flip 140% Especial, Good Job.

Fortunately for the present author, Yoenis Cespedes executed that precise manuever on Monday night at the conclusion of this year’s home-run derby. This post is designed to serve as evidence of same.

Credit to concerned internet citizen Eli Nellis for bringing the author’s attention to this especial event.