Archive for Audio and/or Visual

With his home run last night, Chicago (AL) third baseman Brent Morel now has seven of those things (i.e. home runs) in the month of September, placing him third in that respect behind only Ian Kinsler (9) and Adrian Beltre (8) — i.e. players who’ve established a track record of doing such a thing.

The present author has already written a brief love letter to Morel’s recent performance at FanGraphs’ main page, but has left some things unsaid that can only really be understood by bearing witness — awe-filled, pants-offed witness.

To that end, I’ve embedded below — and attached the most hilarious commentary you can imagine to — all of Morel’s September home runs, beginning with this one:

9/3: Off Brad Penny. In which Tiger fans are not happy, having just realized — one assumes — that they live in Michigan.

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There is a time for build-up, for laying the foundation for the dramatic arc. There is a time for rhapsodizing, for setting to thunderous poetry the miracles of this life. And there is a time stand in quiet, humble, human reverence as the marvels unfold. This is one of those times …

And now let us weep.

Until last night, a confluence of circumstances known for centuries as “The Gentleman’s Whoops-A-Daisy” was presumed to have been lost to history. Here, for instance, is proof of its diminishing cultural footprint.

Time was when a man of high breeding would often swing for the downs against a tailing pitch and somehow konk it off his own top story for the amusement of all those assembled in the parlor, particularly chaste maidens who seemed likely to birth sons. But, for reasons sufficient unto those scoundrels who oppose things like monarchies and legacy admissions, The Gentleman’s Whoops-A-Daisy has fallen out of fashion. That is, until Mr. Eric Thames of Toronto, Ontario, U.S.A. revived it last night. Bear humble witness:

Thankfully, Mr. Thames was not seriously injured by his curator’s efforts. And solely because of Mr. Thames’s toil, no one in the world will ever die again.

When we last checked in with Red Sox paterfamilias Terry Francona, he was making comedy jokes during an in-game interview with NESN broadcasters Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy.

If the above video — from another mid-game interview, from the very next day — is any indication, it appears as though mixing bidness with pleasure is not so uncommon for Signor Terry.

In this instance, FOX broadcaster So-and-So notes that Francona has decided to utilize the Fashion Hoodie made popular by footballing evil genius Bill Belichick — to which Francona responds that he’s always cold. In a different context, we might mistake his comment for a Natalie Imbruglia lyric, but Francona knows what all good comedians know: comedy is tragedy, plus time.

When the internet’s Aaron Gleeman talks, people listen. And when that same Aaron Gleeman tweets, about 9,000 people read those tweets.

One of those people is the present author, who, seeking the approval of someone both more important and wealthier than himself, has endeavored in this post to begin the meme that Aaron Gleeman believes should exist.

Specifically, Mr. Gleeman is referring to the following quote, which comes to our eyes courtesy of Vernon Wells (and also courtesy of Bill Plunkett of the Orange County Register) with regard to the opt-out clause that Wells will absolutely, in-no-way be exercising:

Why would you waive your no-trade clause [to accept a trade to the Angels] and then opt out one year later? I never really thought about using it. You do a contract and you ask for certain things. That happened to be one I asked for and got. To be honest with you, I think about it as often as I think about the money.

Maybe it’s just society, but people put too much on struggling. All of a sudden, everything is negative — you’re a bad guy; you’re unhappy. It’s a struggle, yeah. But that’s all it is. I’ve struggled before. Baseball is such a different game. You can be an All-Star one year, struggle the next year and become an All-Star again. It is what it is. This is a great place to live, a great place to play. I’ve got a lot of good years left and I look forward to having them there.

The author would be remiss not to announce sans haste that Wells should certainly take the money. Wells and another party — in this instance, the Toronto Blue Jays — entered into the agreement entirely of sound minds and bodies. The Blue Jays and a third party — in this instance, the Los Angeles Angels — entered into a separate agreement, theoretically of sound minds and bodies (although one wonders, certainly).

Having said that, invoking society is a practice better left to college undergraduates in their respective Intro to Composition courses — and to those same undergraduates, later on that evening, in their respective dorm rooms after smoking marijuana cigarettes.

More to the point, Aaron Gleeman has asked for, and is now receiving, the beginnings of the aforementioned meme.

Below, please find five images — all precisely 420 pixels in width — including the words “Maybe it’s just society” and:

1. The saddest possible ice cream cone.

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Even with his team leading the AL Wild Card race by a mere three games — and winning by only a single run in the fifth inning — Terry Francona isn’t the sort of person to pass up an opportunity to make solid-gold comedy, here capitalizing on the double-meaning of the word climate during Boston’s 4-3 win over Tampa Bay on Friday night.

Not captured as part of this footage is Francona saying, just seconds later, “Your move, Carrot Top.”

While, to the untrained eye, these various Cardinal rookies appear to be dressed in a haphazard assortment of humiliating costumes, the discerning reader will note the obvious theme among their respective outfits — namely, that each one represents a different era in David Bowie’s long and important musical career.

The idea, of course, comes courtesy of Lance Berkman, who’s on record as saying, apropos Bowie’s glam-rock alter ego, “Ziggy Stardust really taught me how to just be Lance Berkman.”

Image brought to the attention of NotGraphs via Jesse Wolfersberger.

Despite his conspicuous flaws — like his pitching, famously, and also his hitting, too, probably — Rick Ankiel continues to possess one of the league’s strongest (and, strangely, most accurate) throwing arms.

In fact, three of Ankiel’s most spectacular throws have occurred within the past two months. While none of them is so transcendent as either of the two outfield assists he recorded in a single game back in 2008, they’re certainly — each of them — exemplary examples of the genre.

Voila, readership:

7/29/11: Jason Bay at the plate.

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Normally, I am one to mock without ceasing those who would soliloquize on the Mobile Cellular Telephone during a delightful game of base and ball. However, it is good for the temperament — and helps prevent typhus and pleurisy — if the Businessman occasionally becomes the Leisured Businessman. And that, unfortunately, entails using the portable horn.

Of course, if the Businessman can conduct Business while still keeping his wits about him, then miracles follow …

You’re damn right he made the sale.

In case you missed it — and I sincerely doubt that’s possible — Juan Francisco hit a really long home run last night against the Cubs. Compagno Cistulli already detailed the home run for us, as well as some stuff about emotions or aesthetics or something.

That’s one way to admire Francisco’s moonshot. Joey Votto and Jay Bruce present another:

Here’s how I imagine this scene playing out:

BRUCE: Hey Joey, did you see that home run Juan hit?

VOTTO: Yeah.

BRUCE: That one over there?

VOTTO: Yeah.

BRUCE: That was awesome.

VOTTO: Yeah.

Still, I can’t help but feel like something is missing, in a hastily photoshopped manner…

Yeah. That’s it.