Although I have no say whatsoever in who takes up ol’ Jim-Tim McCarver’s seat at the Roundtable of Sports Insights & Sports Analysis (it will probably be Matt Vasgersian), I will nonetheless sincerely engage in the process of considering candidates to replace him.
Today’s Candidate: Dayn Perry
Candidate Profile: best-selling* baseball author, wordsmith, reviler of podcasts and beaches, vegetarian, Cardinals fan, former student of two of the three Barthelme brothers.
If we are looking for a truly patriotic candidate who is not afraid to show America’s soupbones to the Communists and other layabouts, Dayn Perry is our man. The following, while the only video argument to be made in Mr. Perry’s favor, does make a powerful argument. (Video courtesy the author’s private collection.)
Dayn brushes his teeth at least twice a day, carries a pull-up bar with him everywhere — to show hippies how muscles work — and pulls up his own bootstraps every single American day.
Also, some connection to the St. Louis Cardinals seems like a prerequisite for becoming a broadcaster at the highest levels.
In all, I consider Mr. Perry to be a very strong candidate to replace ol’ Jim-Tim.
*Dayn authored the best selling Mitzvah Chap of all time.
Hire Robert J. Baumann to live-blog your next birthday party, family reunion, or corporate event. You will not want to forget it soon.