On Sunday, the Mariners pulled the trigger on a deal which sent Brendan Ryan to the great Northwest from the St. Louis Cardinals. Surely, the homepage will have some sort of “analysis” of the baseball implications therein at some point today. More importantly, the Mariners have acquired perhaps the greatest mustache-wielder in the league.
The picture above comes from one of the Cardinals promotional spots from the 2010 season. Not only does Ryan expertly wear his mustache (he does real ‘staches too), he grows his lip jacket with remarkable rapidity, and even manages to do so “while spinning!”
In fact, I’m pretty sure we may have discovered Brendan Ryan’s alternate identity.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.
Jack Moore's work can be seen at VICE Sports and anywhere else you're willing to pay him to write. Buy his e-book.