Beltre’s Head Will Not Enjoy Texas

Remember the taut .gif tale of Adrian Beltre’s visceral hatred of having his head rubbed? If Beltre thought that getting the hell out of Boston would spare his dome from such vicious assaults, then he is gravely mistaken:

Third baseman Adrian Beltre’s torment has already begun and his smooth head is already under siege.

Not surprisingly, shortstop Elvis Andrus is spearheading the attack, but there are plenty of teammates who have caught the contagious compulsion to rub Beltre’s head.

“Oh yeah … a bunch of times,” Andrus said. “He better get used to it. He might kick my tail, but I’m going to do it.”

There’s a lesson in here for Andrus and other would-be assailants: Adrian Beltre does not forget. For instance, you’ll recall that Victor Martinez was the main offender in Boston. Beltre certainly recalls:

“Sometimes I thought about killing him,” Beltre said. “But I thought about it. … I have a family so I didn’t.”

You know how you make jokes and you’re half-kidding? One gets the chilling sense that Beltre is maybe 5% kidding when he says he’d like to murder Victor Martinez and leave his tortured corpse in a shallow grave. Or perhaps put his head on a pike outside the Rangers clubhouse to serve as a warning for all who would emulate his dark ways.

We hoped you liked reading Beltre’s Head Will Not Enjoy Texas by Dayn Perry!

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

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Even if he kills Elvis, he’ll probably get off since enough people will still believe that Elvis is alive.