Some two years ago, a split-finger fastball thrown by pitcher Freddy Garcia stumped experts by seeming to defy the Magnus effect — the force that makes a curveball curve. Physicists eventually arrived at an acceptable explanation, and published their theory in a leading journal. The case, it seemed, was closed. But for Mr. Garcia, as it turns out, it was merely the beginning.

Reached at home on Tuesday, the 37-year-old free agent said that “things got really weird” during the spring of 2012. According to Mr. Garcia, it was around then that he noticed something odd while brushing his teeth one morning.

“The sink drained clockwise,” he said. “Everyone knows it’s supposed to go the other way around.”

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Sadly, some will have disappeared by the time this is published.

We here at NotGraphs concern ourselves with everything baseball, as long as it’s not actually relevant to the game. Now that the game is over, and the offseason is upon us, and jubilation reigns in Greater New England, the thankless job of sober analytical reflection falls to us. Last night, we all witnessed a display of skill and fortitude worthy of a champion. And yet there are things that could have been done better. I speak not of the game, of course. The Sox won and that is that. I speak of something that will haunt us far longer: the postgame celebration. Best that we examine it now, with it fresh in our minds, so that we may fully appreciate its strengths and learn from its missteps.

Students of the postgame celebration will agree that there are certain critical components that must be correctly implemented in order to make any such work successful. Let’s step through them systematically, and look at how the Red Sox performed on each count.

1. The Comic Relief

Veteran celebrant David Ortiz made sure this was covered right out of the gate, comically donning a protective helmet in preparation for his Field Rush. A savvy touch by the old slugger. However, a purist like myself could (and would) argue that the preemptive move showed a certain lack of respect, as well as detracting from the emotional climax of the victory. To maximize cathartic effect, we must remember, the possibility of failure, and the tension it engenders, should be maintained until the last possible moment. Grade: B-

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Last night’s game was a doozy. For those of you who missed the action, here’s a handy graphical summary.

Whereas those assembled here unanimously agree that the unibrow is the noblest and best of facial accouterments, capable of enlivening and exalting even the most unfortunate visage, and

Whereas one Wallace Wade Moon is universally acknowledged to have been an unrivaled paragon of continuous brow hair, and

Whereas the undersigned have not yet met their annual quota regarding the aforementioned Mr. Moon, and

Whereas the undersigned regard the canon of Western art as their personal intellectual playground, to be debased and disfigured at will; therefore, be it

Resolved that the aforementioned Mr. Moon be aided in sharing his defining physical feature with those who have for so long done without.

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While the famous prognosticator Nostradamus is traditionally read as predicting such events as 9/11 and the death of Princess Diana, advanced textual analysis suggests that he had a higher purpose: that of forecasting the 2013 World Series. Join history’s greatest seer below as he reveals a game-by-game summary of the upcoming Fall Classic. SPOILER ALERTS! Ha ha!

Game One

Volcanic fire from the center of the earth
will cause trembling around the new city:
Two great rocks will make war for a long time.
Then Arethusa will redden a new river.

“Volcanic fire” is a clear reference to Shane Victorino, who hails from Hawai’i, “Land of Volcanoes,” and is known for his passion on the field. Victorino’s first-inning home run will strike fear into the hearts of Cardinals fans, who live in the “new city” of St. Louis (founded in 1764, it is “new” compared to Boston). But a pitcher’s duel will then take over, with the “two rocks” of Wainwright and Lester battling into the late innings. “Arethusa” rearranged spells “St. Uehara,” referring to the near-divine presence of the Red Sox closer. Koji will strike out the side in the ninth, “reddening the river” with Cardinal-red blood, to seal the 1-0 win for Boston.

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With only four teams still playing baseball, interest in the 2013 season has no doubt mostly dissipated. Hence, the time seems right to begin transitioning to our cricket coverage here at NotGraphs. Because this is a new feature this year, and because most Americans are too boorish to have taken any interest in the sport before now, I’ll begin by familiarizing you with a few key cricketing concepts. For reference, we’ll use a contemporary account of an actual cricket “match”: namely, an account from just yesterday, entitled “Kohli stars, India pull off record chase.” Feel free to pull up the article and follow along to the best of your abilities, though your abilities as Americans are likely minimal.

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The St. Louis coaching staff has a reputation for being well-prepared. Manager Mike Matheny and his coaches spend plenty of time doing their homework before each series — and it’s paid off, as their team finds itself two wins away from a pennant.

But when it came to the most important series of their year so far, they took preparedness to a whole new level.

It all started, according to the skipper, when assistant hitting coach Bengie Molina revealed that he had an extensive collection of nineteenth-century British novels.

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Look at the box from yesterday’s series-clinching Cardinals win, and you might think that it was Adam Wainwright’s night.

Watch the highlights, and you might point to sluggers David Freese or Matt Adams.

But ask anyone who was there. Ask anyone in the champagne-soaked St. Louis clubhouse. Ask anyone, in fact, who bleeds Cardinal red. They’ll tell you who the real hero was. And in the end, who else could it have been? What Hollywood screenwriter could have penned a more fitting climax to this run of October dreams than the one written for us — the script starring one Daniel William Descalso?

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In the wake of last night’s events, some of you may be looking for more quantitative ways of celebrating the Unlikely Hero; or, alternatively, looking for the quantitatively correct imprecations with which to curse the Baseball Gods. Here at NotGraphsGraphs© (Putting the Graphs back in NotGraphs since 2012^TM), we’ve got you covered: we’ve invented a metric called Unweighted Runs Beyond Expectancy (uRBE). It’s a name that doesn’t make sense for a number that doesn’t make sense, and if you knew how much they paid us here, you’d have a little more sympathy.

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