Fans often are confused about which players are eligible for the postseason roster. Baseball actually changed the rule slightly this year, and it’s worth noting.

In the past, players on the 25-man roster as of Aug. 31 were eligible, along with players on the disabled list. The overall restriction was not that severe, however; any player in the organization could replace an injured player.

— Ken Rosenthal, 9/1/14

The new rule, as the article goes on to explain*, is that teams may choose anyone for the postseason roster, past or present, living or dead, who ever spent any time in their organization at all. That means that should the Royals avoid a September collapse and make the postseason, they will be adding 1980 George Brett and a whole bunch of Bret Saberhagens to their roster, in the hope of beating out 1932 Jimmie Foxx, 1901 Nap Lajoie, 1931 Lefty Grove, and the rest of the A’s powerhouse squad.

“We think it’s more fair this way,” said no one.

“Definitely,” said Brian Cashman.

“But– but– wait–” said Andrew Friedman.

The motivation behind the rule change is so that Derek Jeter isn’t robbed of a final postseason and gets to continue to log World Series at-bats for all of eternity.

“Oh, you didn’t explain it like that,” said Friedman. “Now it makes sense. Anything for Jeter.”

Ernie Banks is really hoping the Cubs can make it to the postseason someday soon. George Sisler also reportedly taking batting practice in his grave. (Not sure who is reporting that, but we’ll promote them to chief investigative correspondent.) Unclear how this new rule will affect Ted Williams, given his cryogenic condition.

*it does not

Forget about whether he’s now learning how to selectively pull for power and hitting fewer weak ground balls, the real question that I hoped Tony Blengino’s (excellent) piece on the main site would answer is whether Dustin Ackley is “fixed” — whether his reproductive organs have been removed.

Initial evidence seems to indicate they haven’t been. He married his longtime girlfriend before the 2012 season. (A girlfriend whose cousin seemed to enjoy posting about their engagement on shady-looking Internet message boards).

But — check this out — he and his wife reportedly have two Yorkies:

As for Ackley, marriage has altered his life. He loved Justine for years, but now there are two young mouths to feed — Yorkies Dudley and Elli.

Ackley is smitten.

“I’ve always had dogs, usually bigger dogs like golden retrievers. When Justine wanted a dog, she wanted a Yorkie,” he said. “I can’t go more than a couple days without seeing them now, or I start missing them.

“Dudley might be the smartest dog I’ve ever known. I get dressed in the morning, he goes to the front door and waits. He knows I’m leaving. “He’s like a human in a dog’s body.”

The real question is: are his Yorkies fixed? And — conspiracy theory — if Dudley is so smart, a “human in a dog’s body” — perhaps Ackley is in fact a “dog in a human’s body,” the two have switched souls, and when Dudley was supposedly at the vet’s office for his procedure… Ackley was in fact the one being fixed.

Just something to think about if you really, truly, have nothing to think about on this fine Tuesday afternoon.

IMAGE: is that a baseball… or a baseball… if you know what I mean.

It’s just about that time of year, when teams start calling it quits, Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder starts to rear its droopy head, and glum Internet baseball columnists are forced to turn to Kickstarter in a Hail Mary effort to keep on going, because the section of website they write for is soon to disappear.

In the meantime, I thought I’d predict this year’s pennant races, not that anyone really wins anything as long as 9-year-olds are still shooting people to death while their parents film it on their cell phones.

AL EAST

Well, the Orioles can’t actually still be in first place, so something has clearly gone wrong. Which it has, for every other team in the division. If someone had told me before the season that Chris Davis would be hitting .190 on August 27th and the Orioles would still be in first place, I would have wondered who’s talking to me, and did it mean I have a friend, a real, honest-to-goodness friend? I would have listened to all of his predictions about the Orioles– and wouldn’t have even interrupted him to tell him that Mike Boddicker is not in fact still on the team, and definitely isn’t the ace of the pitching staff. Oh, the Yankees are still clinging to hope too, despite the team’s average age of 62 and Martin Prado leading the team in OPS, despite a .308 on base percentage (not a misprint). I think I could probably play for the Yankees, and I’m blind in one leg.

AL CENTRAL

Another topsy-turvy division, where the Kansas City Devil-Dealers are trying to hold off the Detroit Oopsie-Daisies. Would anyone on the Royals even crack the Tigers’ starting lineup? You’d think Alex Gordon might, but Victor Martinez’s son J.D. is having an incredible season at the plate, so do you really take him out of left field? I remember when I was removed from left field during a Little League game, when I was 14 years old playing on the 9-11 team (I was small as a child — even smaller than I am now, as an adult). I had gotten confused when a ball was hit my way. I thought I was supposed to cover my face and run away from it, screaming. That’s how I learned to play baseball. Be afraid of the ball. Keep your eyes on your feet. Swing like you’re hitting a pinata. And never let the other players urinate in your pants– do it yourself, like a big boy. The Indians are still hanging in there too, kind of like the Native Americans. Sure, they can have a few wins. Not too many though.

AL WEST

A classic pennant race, between the Angels and A’s. As first place swings back and forth, the teams battling it out, who will get that playoff spot and who will go home to their million-dollar mansions where all the toilets probably flush and you almost certainly can’t hear the neighbors practicing the bassoon in the middle of the night (oh, but they’re lovely people aside from the bassoons — they only steal some of my mail, not all of it!). Oh, wait, they’re both going to make the playoffs. Because that’s how it works in the socialist world of Major League Baseball in 2014. In the real world, it’s winner-takes-all, fight-to-the-death, we-only-need-one-person-to-clean-the-toilets-so-you’re-fired-Joe. But in baseball, pretty much everyone makes the playoffs, and pretty much everyone is rich beyond their wildest dreams. So who the heck cares whether the A’s win more games than the Angels or the Angels win more games than the A’s? It doesn’t matter, any more than it matters what the gunk coming out of my ears actually is. It’s gunk. As long as I don’t touch it, or eat it, or show it to a doctor I’ll be fine. And that’s the American League and where it stands.

This should not be left to die in the comment thread on this morning’s post about Colby Rasmus, Enigma:

Big Jgke says:
August 27, 2014 at 9:40 am
As a Jays fan, what I’ll miss most when Colby gets his inevitable overpay from some other organization, is hearing his unintelligible southern drawl on local radio ads for shady car dealerships.

I can’t be the only person who went to look for this. (Indeed, when I reloaded the comments, I saw that I was not.)

Were they not allowed to say “Blue Jays” in the ad? “Toronto’s ballclub?” Really?

Major League Baseball Advanced Media CEO Bob Bowman told the Associated Press this week that some baseball fans may be able to stream local broadcasts to their desktops and mobile devices by as early as next season. LINK.

Q: Who?

A: Not you.

Q: Why not?

A: We don’t like you.

Q: But I’m a fan!

A: Not enough of a fan.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Real fans subscribe to cable.

Read the rest of this entry »

Alex Gordon says he will pick up his $13.25 million player option for 2016, delaying free agency for a year and, assuming he plays well next year, taking a risk that he’ll decline or get injured in 2016 and ultimately end up with a far smaller deal.

Of course no one can predict the future, but one would have to think that the smart money is on Gordon, now 30 years old, quite possibly being in a better position for a huge deal after 2015 than he would be after 2016. Nothing’s ever certain, but the odds would seem to lean that way, given the age-related decline risks in addition to injury possibilities, or, as Hopeless Joe might add, the risk the economy will collapse and the money to sign him disappearing into the cratering Dow Jones Industrial Average.

In any case… if Alex Gordon is serious about this decision, I have a few investment opportunities I’d like to pitch him:

1. Cotton candy futures. Sure, this cotton candy looks delicious now, all pink and cottony and sweet. Just imagine how good it’s going to be once it has a chance to develop and grow and mature. Alex can pay market price now and we’ll hold the cotton candy here, uh, in this child’s mouth, until it’s set for delivery in 2017.

2. Antarctic ice. It’s cold, it’s clear, penguins love it, and it’s not going anywhere! Pay now, use later. We’ll even throw in a cooler bag and a copy of “An Inconvenient Truth” on DVD. No– make that Laserdisc.

3. Subprime mortgage loans. This is obviously a no-brainer. I think we still have some left over from 2009, but let me check. The older they get, the better they are. Like cheese.

4. Speaking of cheese… I’ve got some wheels right here. Yes, they’re encumbered by a five-year no-sale clause, but after that restriction runs out, people will be lining up outside your door begging to take that cheese off your hands, or at least trying to get that cheese off your hands before you come near them.

5. Billy Butler. See, Alex, you’re not the only player on the Royals who will increase in value every year for the foreseeable future. Just think about Butler’s value now, compared to a few years ago. Invest now, before you can’t afford him any longer.

The Sporting News offers the awkwardly-headlined piece, “Astros slugger Chris Carter: The most 2014 player of 2014,” thanks to his prodigious amounts of home runs and strikeouts.

Which, of course, begs all sorts of questions. Like, who is the most 1995 player of 2014. (Jason Giambi? Latroy Hawkins? Derek Jeter?) Or who is the most 1914 player of 2014. (C.J. Wilson? You know, closest name to Woodrow Wilson…?) Or who is the most 350 BC player of 2014. (Alex Torres? Alexander the Great…?)

Or who is the most 1776 player of 2014, obviously Ben Revere, who has now been mentioned in posts I’ve written twice this week, which ties a record set by Andrew Cashner earlier in the season and means I’m required to draft Revere in at least one fantasy league next year. Great!

Who is your most ___ player of ___? (I ask, begging for commenters to help create content.)

[Verse 1]
I haven’t seen a pennant since my youth
When Brett and Saberhagen played (and Steve Balboni)
And Charlie Leibrandt, Hal McRae
Gubicza, Frank White, and Quisenberry

But every year’s like false hope, prospects, oops they’re getting injured
Bad trades, dumb signs, oops they’re going backwards
They don’t walk, they don’t hit homers much too.
And then they talked about Hosmer, Myers– wait, I think we’ll trade him
Mike Moustakas– wait, we’ve really played him?
Seemed the plan, another year to end right as it began

But now they write about Royals (Royals).
They’re somehow winning games,
With people who can field the ball.
A bullpen not so bad at all.
Maybe it’s just timing (timing),
A division that’s weak
And maybe they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win.
Or a long, long losing streak.

[Verse 2]
Sal Perez and Escobar
Infante, Gordon, Dyson, Cain, Billy Butler.
It’s not a lineup that strikes fear– but our pitching’s nice,
And maybe that’s what matters.

But every year’s like false hope, prospects, oops they’re getting injured
Bad trades, dumb signs, oops they’re going backwards
They don’t walk, they don’t hit homers much too.
And then they talked about Mike Montgomery– wait, I think we’ll trade him
Odorizzi– wait, we’ll trade him too, yeah
Seemed the plan, another year to end right as it began

But now they write about Royals (Royals).
They’re somehow winning games,
With people who can field the ball.
A bullpen not so bad at all.
Maybe it’s just timing (timing),
A division that’s weak
And maybe they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win.
Or a long, long losing streak.

Courtesy of Baseball Think Factory, a recent article in Wired unveils the Axe Bat, a baseball bat with the handle of an axe, which, based on a study by an engineering professor who lucked into a job where he gets to do research on baseball bats:

is more comfortable, delivers more power and speed, and reduces injuries when compared with traditional bats

The article is pretty interesting, and I recommend you all check out the Axe Bat, but I thought it would be more fun to speculate about other revolutionary new mash-up bat designs coming to a stadium near you:

1. The Com-Bat, a bat that’s also a weapon of war. Head of a bat, handle of a grenade. Good idea for military baseball games.

2. The Rub-bat, a bat with a rubber handle. Super comfortable to hold, although it limits bat control to some extent. Fun to bunt, since the ball bounces right off the thing. Hard to get a lot of power in the swing, though, since the head just starts flopping around. Ben Revere uses this, I think.

3. The WomBat (I), a combination wombat and baseball bat. Very cuddly.

4. The WomBat (II), a combination woman and baseball bat. Head of a bat and the legs of a woman. Not really sure what this offers a ballplayer, but maybe it’s a good novelty gift.

5. The Bat Bat, a baseball bat with the wings and teeth of a bat. Keeps the catcher far away, since he’s worried about rabies, allowing for free passage for runners on the basepaths and lots of dropped third strikes.

This is the time of the season when, if your team isn’t in the hunt for the pennant (fantasy team, real team, it doesn’t matter), baseball can get a little, well, boring. No close races to really care about yet, just a whole bunch of games already played and quite a few still to go, and, well, can you really blame some players for being bored with the whole thing?