Author Archive

NEWS: Very Pitiful Man Dreams Jay Bruce Actually Not on DL

Peasants
Boyd claims to feel on the inside how the peasants in this painting look on the outside.

A local resident is in poor condition today after dreaming last night that, instead of being on the 15-day disabled list, Cincinnati outfielder Jay Bruce actually isn’t on the 15-day disabled list.

“It was disturbingly realistic,” said a visibly shaken Warren Boyd, 34, outside of his suburban condominium on Tuesday morning. “I was walking by a display of televisions — like you might see at a Best Buy, for example. They were tuned to the Reds game, and I clearly saw Jay Bruce coming up to bat. And I was surprised, because he’s on my fantasy team, and I’d just removed him that morning from my active roster.”

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GIF: Chase Anderson’s First Blessèd MLB Changeup

Anderson Dunn CH

Earlier today, in the pages of FanGraphs proper, the author noted that Arizona right-hander Chase Anderson would be making his major-league debut against the Chicago Americans. Later today — which is to also say, now — that same author is noting that Chase Anderson’s major-league debut is complete. One thing Anderson produced was a 6:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio (box). Another thing he produced was the blessed changeup against Adam Dunn reproduced here for the placation of the braying masses.

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There Were Only Five Bat Flips in the Korean League on Friday

Dan of MyKBO reports via Twitter that there were only five bat flips in the Korean baseball league on Friday — which figure appears to represent the low end so far as that particular circuit’s daily total is concerned.


The Most Impressive Pitches of the Last Week, Per Science

Recently, in these pages — and for reasons that oughtn’t be explored in any depth — the author attempted to construct an objective methodology by which to identify the most transcendent pitch from the previous day. So far as errands are concerned, this particular one was the sort most readily undertaken by a fool.

And yet, because he’s the sort of person who doesn’t learn from, but prefers rather to indulge in, his failures, this same author has returned a week later with a view, once again, to identifying (again, by objective means) the league’s most impressive pitches — in this case, from the past week.

What I won’t discuss here specifically are the shortcomings of that last attmept. Because they’re self-evident, is one reason. And because the thought of doing so bores me to whatever is right after death, is another.

What I will discuss, however, just below, is the criteria I’ve employed for this particular exercise — which exercise is little more than an attempt, really, to reverse engineer the aesthetic tastes a fan might have so far as impressive pitches are concerned.

To accomplish that, what I’ve done is:

1. Identified all pitches from the past week thrown for a swinging third strike*, the logic being that batters tend to be most protective of the strike zone with two strikes and therefore pitchers must demonstrate excellence even harder; and then

2. Calculated and then averaged together the z-scores both for velocity and break length** of all those aforementioned pitches, the logic being that it becomes easier to produce greater break at lower velocities — and that, therefore, pitches which exhibit a relatively high velocity compared to break length are probably more impressive; and then

3. Because the PITCHf/x classifications aren’t always entirely accurate, identified the highest z-score from each general pitch category — so, therefore, the best fastball (including four-seamers, two-seamers, and sinkers), best breaking ball (including sliders and curveballs), and offspeed pitch (including changeups and splitters). The issue of cutters — which sometimes more resemble fastballs and sometimes more resemble sliders — I have ignored completely, hoping it would sort itself out.

*Unless said pitch was thrown to a pitcher who was batting, in which case it was disqualified from consideration in this very important endeavor.

**About which one can read more here.

Fastball
Pitcher: Evan Marshall, RHP, Arizona (Profile)
Batter: Scooter Gennett   Date: Tuesday, May 6th
Velocity: 94.7 mph   Break: 7.8 in.

Footage:

Marshall to Scooter 2

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eBay’s Five Most Marvelous and Currently Available Ballcaps

To the extent that it’s responsible both for an aphid that nearly destroyed France’s entire wine industry once and also the whole Fast and Furious media franchise, it’s probably fair to say that not every export produced on US soil is full exclusively of virtue.

One entirely unassailable American invention, however, is the baseball cap — consummate examples of which important garment the author has considered in some depth at different points over the past couple months.

What follows is another installment in that series — and, specifically, of five such ballcaps as are currently available for purchase by way of internet auction house eBay.com.

***

Atlanta BCs

Atlanta Black Crackers Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: 2 days, 3 hours
Cost: US $9.99 (Starting Bid) / US $14.99 (Buy It Now)

Former NBA point guard Jason Williams was known by the sobriquet White Chocolate on account of how, despite his pigmentation, he played a brand of basketball much more commonly found (according to former Sacramento Kings media coordinator Stephanie Shepard) on the playgrounds of Chicago. Black Cracker, one notes, is somehow both the same as and also the opposite of White Chocolate.

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Jayson Werth, Channeling Woody’s Allen’s Sexual Magnetism

Anyone who has made a priority of acquainting him- or herself with the top jams of American cinema will recognize the following as a brief excerpt from the scene in Woody Allen’s 1975 film Love and Death in which Allen’s character Boris attempts to seduce the very ample Countess Alexandrovna at a performance of Mozart’s The Magic Flute.

Allen Tongue

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Entirely Pandering GIF: Yordano Ventura’s Curveball Yesterday

V to B 2

Largely famous for his very celeritous fastball, Kansas City right-hander Yordano Ventura recorded six of his 10 strikeouts on Monday night against San Diego via his very sufficient curveball (box).

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Probably Not a Real Holiday: Cinco de Jonathan Mayo

Mayo
These coeds also can’t believe the Mexican army’s unlikely victory over French forces in 1862.

The capital-R Record states that Cinco de Mayo is a holiday celebrated on May 5th and originally established in the Mexican state of Puebla so that young dipsomaniacal Americans might have a sanctioned pretense — between St. Patrick’s Day (in mid-March) and Memorial Day (in late-May) — upon which to make terrible life decisions.

The intent of the current post is to establish is that, upon examination of the aforementioned Record, that Cinco de Jonathan Mayo — presumably in honor of MLB.com prospect analyst Jonathan Mayo — does not appear to be a real holiday. This is not, of course, to discount the importance of Mayo’s work, but rather just to establish that said work has not (yet) been officially recognized by means of a widely celebrated holiday.


Seven Notable Thinkers on Quickening the Pace of Baseball

Epicurus
Epicurus was a capable philosopher despite appearing to possess no real eyes.

At the internet weblog which bears his name, Groton native and alumnus Peter Gammons today proposed some ideas to the end of quickening the pace of the average baseball game.

What follows are seven real and not fake suggestions on that same topic courtesy very important thinkers of yesterday and today.

For example:

EPICURUS
“It is the taste of the food, not the time required to eat it, by which one adjudges the quality of a meal. Likewise, it is the quality of a baseball game, not its length, by which one must evalute the merits of that game. In conclusion, I recommend contracting the Mets.”

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Potentially Useful GIF: Denard Span Saying “Come On, Man”

Span Lee 2

It’s not clear right now to what amusing and/or important ends this animated GIF will be used of Denard Span saying “Come on, man” to Cliff Lee in the fifth inning of tonight’s Washington-Philadelphia game (box). That those ends likely exist, however, entirely justifies the publishing of this post and, within it, the aforementioned GIF.