Astros Rumors: Appel Working on “Teleball”


KISSIMMEE, Fla. — Leaking out of Houston’s spring camp this week was the news that top draft pick Mark Appel is perfecting a never-before-seen pitch — one that could do no less than revolutionize the sport, say awed observers.

“It’s insane,” said a source, who preferred to remain anonymous. “He controls the ball with his freaking mind. It rises up out of his pitching hand and floats to the plate on its own. He’s already getting all kinds of movement on it — now he’s working on spins. Once he’s got it down it’s going to be completely unhittable.”

Though Christy Mathewson was said to be secretly working on such a pitch in his later years, no pitcher is known to have successfully executed it in a big-league game.

“Leave it to the Stanford kid to pull this [stuff] on us,” said the source, who claimed that during practice Appel had struck out 37 consecutive batters, and then “willed” a ball into Jose Altuve’s pants.

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John Elway
8 years ago

Us Stanford grads don’t horse around.

8 years ago
Reply to  John Elway

I suppose a comment like “beating a dead horse” is just going to continue you down the path of this tired attempt at humor.

Mr. Observant
8 years ago

I’m patiently awaiting Carson’s ‘thought piece’ on horsemeat hot dogs vs. good ol’ American franks in these electronic pages, since we all know every Frenchman consumes at least a kilo of viande de cheval tous les jours.. I think they usually just fire a bolt of metal into the horse’s skull to get it ready for the table, however – PETA frowns on the beatings these days.

Just neighing.

John Elway
8 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Observant