Archive for March, 2014

Poring Over GIF of Prospect “Pretty Creepy,” Admits Blogger

JP Triple
Footage like this of Peterson tripling off tough lefty Javier Lopez is part of the problem.

JUPITER, FL – An internet baseball weblogger who is definitely not the same one responsible for this post acknowledged early on Tuesday morning that first making and then intently watching GIFs of a San Diego shortstop prospect — regardless of actual motive — was probably inappropriate in some way.

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A Five-Year-Old’s Scouting Report of Her Own Self

Scout

On the occasion of the latter’s fifth birthday, the author’s wife spoke with our niece this past weekend. Among the topics of conversation: that same niece’s capacities as a wiffleball player. Whether she has a future at the highest level of the sport remains unclear. If scouting reports courtesy of her own self are accurate, however, the bat will almost certainly play, regardless of position.

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A Question of Strategic Positioning

As a relative newcomer to the FanGraphs Family Of SuperBlogs & MarketPlace Grille, I am often asked by everyone everywhere if the FanGraphs Family of SuperBloggers is – or should that be are? – as dashing and magnificent as they seem. Now that I am fractionally recovered from my first Spring Break, or, rather, Spring Training with the aforementioned supergroup, I can say without pause or equivocation that, in fact, they are even more dashing and magnificent than they might seem to anyone who has not had the pleasure of sitting in a hotel bar with them until such time that the manager announces that they don’t have to go home but they can’t stay here – like, dashing and magnificent to the power of 10!*

* Graph not included.

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Slightly Edited News Article: The Execution of David Ortiz

Ortiz Edit

Original Link.


In Celebration of the Three-Error Play

Our friends at MyKBO.net pass along this footage from a recent game in the Korean Baseball Organization:

Three-Error Majesty

Let’s not gather together here as the lesser Internetters are wont to do and mock someone beyond our circle of relations. Instead, let’s look at this horrendous turn of events for the Korean center fielder Na Sung-beom and recognize it for what it likely is: A once-in-a-career moment.

No player would find himself among the professional ranks if he or she frequently visited Three Error Town. This center fielder here, he’s in no way as bad as this, his worst fielding moment. So let’s enjoy this rare destruction of pride and professionalism. Let’s laugh alongside Na Sung-beom — though he may not yet be laughing — and admit, “Hey, that’s us out there in center field, booting the ball, then dropping the ball, then wildly slinging the ball at no one in particular. That’s all of us. Today, we’re all Na Sung-beom.”

True story, the softball team I founded and manage lost 32-0 and then 32-0, again, in our first two games. We’re a team of Na Sung-beom’s worst moments. And, hey, we kinda love it.

UPDATE:
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Spotted: Noted Weblogger Dayn Perry at Today’s Cubs Game

Dayn

It won’t surprise anyone familiar with my colleague Dayn Perry or his work to learn that he passes the majority of his nights and days entirely sans shirt. It is wholly within the realm of credulity, moreover, to find that the only garment for which Perry exhibits any tolerance — because it allows him to evacuate at leisure — is a disposable diaper. Finally, no one anywhere is likely to disbelieve the suggestion that Product of the American South Dayn Perry devotes a sizable portion of his waking life to striking his head against objects both foreign and domestic (with a marked preference for the latter, naturally).

What has happened today? Today, noted weblogger Dayn Perry was spotted at a Cubs game.


Kenley Jansen’s Emasculating Cutter, Emasculating M. Trumbo

At about 4am ET this morning — a time when only criminals and Australians (i.e. a very tan criminal) are awake and active — the Arizona Diamondbacks and Los Angeles Dodgers began the 2014 baseball season.

The event, of course, carries all manner of significance for all manner of people. For the present author, however, the main concern regarding the contest wasn’t the final score or how Yasiel Puig looked as he entered his sophomore campaign, but rather how many pitches right-hander Kenley Jansen would require to emasculate an opposing batter with his emasculating cutter.

The answer, as the footage below indicates, appears to have been “roughly zero pitches.”

With his club leading by a score of 3-1, Jansen entered the game in the ninth inning — which inning he began with a 92 mph cutter to Mark Trumbo, as illustrated here:

Jansen 1

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Former Prospect Gets Sexually Released

Train Tunnel

Jupiter — In camp on a minor-league deal , second baseman Austin Staufmore was told he wouldn’t be making the Marlins infield and went to The Velvet Glove (a local gentleman’s club). There, he asked for and received his sexual release.

Staufmore has struggled to make it back to the Majors after flopping out with the Pirates in 2009. While once lauded as the next big thing, Staufmore struggled because he only had one useful tool, and even that wasn’t all that impressive to begin with. Still, the minor league veteran plans to keep banging away at it, hoping that the club will have an opening for him sooner or later.

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The NotGraphs Quiz

Studies I don’t feel like citing show that numbers are irresistible. The real world, with all its relative values and subjectivity, is undeniably terrifying. Put a number on something, however, and all your problems are solved.

That 90 bestowed on your bottle of pinot noir will tell you exactly how much you’re going to enjoy its tones of cherry and sandalwood. That 4.2 rating you saw on the internet will inform you exactly how competent you’ll find your sweater-clad Lit professor. A quick trip to his player page will demonstrate exactly what it feels like to watch Luis Valbuena play baseball. All these draining uncertainties in life, all this tiresome effort of developing your own opinions and feelings, get stripped away in a couple of digits. Truly, this is the best of all possible worlds.

Now I offer you an opportunity to quantify your love for our very own site, via this arbitrary and ridiculous Sporcle quiz. Prove to the world your appreciation for the NotGraphs #brand. Escape the soul-shearing ennui of your daily experience for up to six minutes, and then compare yourself to your peers through a number that, as well as anything else, represents your value to society and to the people you love. Select a question and answer each with open eyes and pure heart. And don’t cheat, or Banknotes Harper will turn you into shitty burgers.

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In Which the Author Has Utilized Z-Scores to Shop for a Car

Until this moment, reader, we have lived in a world that did not feature publicly available spreadsheets containing data relevant to an idiot weblogger’s pursuit of the motor vehicle ideal both for his lifestyle and his wallet. Now we live in a different world, however — namely, one that does feature those sorts of spreadsheets with that sort of data. Is it a better one (i.e. world)? Manifestly not.

Below is the aforementioned spreadsheet, featuring 15 autos all more or less within the same class. For each vehicle, I’ve included figures most relevant to the interests of myself and my damn wife — namely, price of the base package (MSRP), highway fuel efficiency (MPG), and cargo space (in cubic feet) with the rear seats folded down (CAP). All models are from 2014, except the Honda Fit, which is from 2013. Cargo space figures for the Prius C were too troublesome to locate, so I’ve utilized merely the average figure from the other 14 models.

Regard:

Car Scores

The results here appear to suggest that the Mitsubishi Mirage is potentially the appropriate automobile for myself and my wife as we rocket upwards into the middle class. Notably, this doesn’t seem to be an opinion shared by Edmunds, for example, which cites “uncoordinated handling” as one of the car’s main problems. A coincidence, that, as my wife has frequently suggested that I suffer from a similar deficiency.