Archive for December, 2013

Back in the Game: Final(?) Episode Review and Recap

In what may be an early Christmas gift to all of us, I think this is the last episode of Back in the Game that’s scheduled to air. Next week, ABC is scheduled to show re-runs of Modern Family, The Goldbergs, and The Middle before Barbara Walters is going to talk about people who fascinate her in the softest focus allowable by law. And none of the other three episodes that the network ordered are scheduled to air. So congratulations, everybody, we made it!

And what an episode to go out on, as the Angles learn they’re supposed to play on Christmas Day (what?!?), and Dick, the misogynist league president, encourages them to forfeit. Since they haven’t scored a run all year, the Angles override the objections of Coach Terry and vote to enjoy Christmas instead of getting their brains beat in.

Meanwhile, since his family never came to visit him over the holidays before, The Cannon ejects Terry and Danny from his house on Christmas so he can play poker with other old farts who don’t have any family (including a slumming Elliot Gould) and some strippers. Meanwhile, Terry is so obsessed with having a perfect Christmas for Danny that she ruins it, first by causing a mall Santa to go into diabetic shock, then getting her car towed, and then ranting to an entire Christmas party full of people about how shitty her holiday has been, and how she wants to quit Christmas like her team quit on her.

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Totally Professional Winter Meetings Picture

Excellent Reporter C. Trent Rosecrans was doing his best reportage when it came to the gathering hordes for Scott Boras’ annual Winter Meetings Address.

Maybe you have to look a little closer to see how serious this author was being.


2013 Golden GIFs: Nominees Announced!

‘Tis the season for commemorating achievement in filmmaking — and we at NotGraphs never miss a chance to participate in a cultural event (or a chance to hurl a barrage of animated bitmaps at your helpless computers). Therefore, we have decided to jump on board with our very own awards show. For the first annual Golden GIFs Awards, we pored over hundreds of the most sensational, groundbreaking, and critically acclaimed GIFs of 2013, and ultimately divided them into ten categories. Although the initial plan was to produce a list of five nominees for each, we soon realized that there was simply too much outstanding GIFfery this year, and in a few of the categories in particular there was simply no way to reduce the list to five. It will come as no surprise to cinephiles of baseball that David Ortiz and Yasiel Puig head this year’s list, with no fewer than four of each man’s films receiving nods. Prince Fielder is close behind, with three nominations.

We also recognize that, despite our exhaustive search, there are surely a number of worthy GIFs that escaped our attention. Therefore, we are submitting the following as a preliminary list, and for the next week we will be accepting additional awards nominees for consideration in the Comments section. Once these have been considered, a final list will be produced and given back to you, the voters, for a final vote.

Stay tuned also for our companion awards show — where we will choose, in both Drama and Musical or Comedy categories, the Bat Flips of the Year.

BEST GIF – DRAMA

Gomez vs. McCann

atlmilfight2_small

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Tiny Ben Revere

tinybenrevere

Tiny Ben Revere would like you to take the picture now. There is a chest of Ninja Turtles back home that needs playing with. Michelangelo is his favorite, of course. What a silly question.

When adults ask Tiny Ben Revere what his favorite subject in school is, his responses include running, running fast, sprinting, jumping, and science. And recess.

Oh these books here? These are just for show. Tiny Ben Revere reads chapter books. Big boy stuff. These books are for little kids. He did bring this ladder from home, however.

Tiny Ben Revere rolls down his right sock only, just like his friend Joe taught him. The girls like it, not that he cares. He’s had a long-standing, well-publicized stance on the current cootie situation. Sometimes one needs to take a stand, and Tiny Ben Revere is no different. He puts his blue shorts on just like everyone else — lying on a bed with both legs sticking straight up in the air.

What’s that? Oh, astronaut. Yes, Tiny Ben Revere will grow up to be an astronaut. All his friends want to be cowboys, but Tiny Ben Revere realizes that the market for cowboys will have dried up by then. Don’t let this shirt full of handprints fool you. Tiny Ben Revere has business savvy.

Tiny Ben Revere doesn’t need to smile for the camera. This is just how his face looks.

(h/t to Internet superstar Aaron Gleeman)


Inserting Mark Teixeira into Popular R&B Singles, Again

tEIX gENIUS fINAL


Cardinals Prospect Tim Cooney Has Our Best Interests in Mind

Around the Christmas holiday, in particular, it’s not uncommon for members of the vulgar crowd to wax earnest about the importance of charity. “It’s better to give than receive,” they say. “It’s better to give than receive,” they say again, a lack of imagination being one of the defining characteristics of that regrettable demographic. Idle chatter, is all it amounts to, so far as this suddenly indignant author is concerned.

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Idea Workshopping: Building a Different Baseball Card Game

Let me first say that I am in no way an authority on baseball cards, or even baseball for that matter. I don’t even really like baseball, I just like traditions that facilitate the wearing of high-socks. I never collected baseball cards and I never wanted to; I thought baseball was dumb when I was young, plus my youth didn’t really overlap with the time that most people loved baseball cards. Also I spent much of my youth in Germany, where baseball is considered “blöd.” Why do I write for Notgraphs. (I kid, baseball “ist kool”).

What I do know about baseball cards is that they are not what they used to be! As a non-baseball card person it seems like they’re not worth much unless they’re Honus Wagner and were discovered in an attic in Germantown, PA by someone’s great aunt. Which is to say, they have historical significance and are probably a worthwhile interest to those who were interested when they were big, but to me, a brazen, uncouth, possibly anti-American youth, baseball cards hold no interest outside of being a record of moustaches throughout baseball history. Which—that’s pretty valuable, I’ll admit.

However, being a nerd, I love collectible cards. Cards like Magic cards, or the Pokemon cards I so desperately coveted when I was 11. The appeal of those games is not just in the collecting, but in how each card adds a key strategic piece to one’s deck. Acquiring a rare card doesn’t just mean it gets stored in a plastic sleeve, but that it could have potential to benefit you in competitive play. In that sense collectible card games (CCGs!) like Magic or deck-building games like Dominion and 7 Wonders are more similar to the task of a general manager in baseball than cards that are simply made to be collected.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t any baseball card games. In my admittedly hurried research it seems like most baseball card games are some combination of 1) baseball simulations (i.e. do not involve strategy after a set of cards is assembled) 2) involve only individual games (i.e. not the strategy of winning over the course of a season or seasons) 3) antiques and do not fully resemble modern baseball. Most of these card games involve managerial strategy, but none involve general managerial strategy. Which is what I’m interested in. Playing pretend that I’m Billy Beane.

In other words, there is probably no card game whose aim is to create the experience of being a Major League general manager. If it does exist, do tell me. Also, I realize that fantasy baseball accomplishes a lot of what I’m talking about without the hassle of cards and direct human interaction (ugh!). But fantasy takes a whole season to play out and… just isn’t the same. What I want is to be able to gather some friends  for an evening and act as general manager of a fake baseball team. To my knowledge, I cannot yet do this.

So I want to workshop what this game could be. I’m going to brainstorm some ideas and questions, and if you have any thoughts or suggestions please do leave a comment. If we come to something worthwhile I’ll make a follow-up post detailing a draft of the game’s rules.

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Best Hiroki Kuroda Anagram

Okra

Hi, Our Okra Kid


Kendrys Morales Reacts to Acquisition of Hart, Morrison

Seattle Mariners v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

As a player who declined Seattle’s qualifying offer in November, Kendrys Morales is a free agent for whom any signing club besides the Mariners would need to surrender a pretty valuable draft pick.

As a player who’s capable of playing mostly just first base or DH, Kendrys Morales has been made largely redundant by the Seattle Mariners’ acquisition today both of Corey Hart and Logan Morrison (who join Jesus Montero and Justin Smoak as field players ideally deployed at one of the aforementioned positions).

One assumes, therefore, that Kendrys Morales’s reaction to Seattle’s most recent transactions — which transactions limit his options, and also probably the value of his next contract — that Morales’s reaction isn’t very different from the one portrayed here in what has never been referred to as Internet Technicolor.


Best Movies of 2013

1. The Randy Wolf of Wall Street
2. Quiroz The Great and Powerful
3. American League Hustle
4. Inside Rajai Davis
5. We’re The Shelby Millers
6. 12 Years A Brave
7. Vida Blue Jasmine
8. Austin Jackson Sea of Monsters
9. Jeff Francis Ha
10. Kal Daniels’ Billy Butler