We knew this day would come, fair NotGraphs readers. We knew that some day, Jim Leyland would no longer be the manager of the Detroit Tigers. The Gods of Baseball have spoken, and they have taken away the last of an already-dying breed. Baseball fans and pundits will remember Leyland for being a stalwart of the game, a manager with a good record of performance on the field. We readers and writers of NotGraphs will remember him for more whimsical reasons — the smoking, the cursing, the dancing, etc. If I’m being completely honest, there are no more fun managers left. Clint Hurdle is kind of fun, mostly for the way his face changes hues, but that’s about it.

There have been and will be more opinions flung through hyperspace about who should replace Leyland. Who will fill his sweat- and bunion-residue-filled shoes? Many will make cases for former managers, current bench coaches, and the like. But who will fill the cultural void left by Leyland? Who will lift our spirits and crack our smiles and give us conversational points when speaking with our dads? Who will manage the Tigers of our souls? The following are some possibilities. (warning: some of these have language that may require headphones if you are viewing in a space with coworkers or children) Read the rest of this entry »

I know, I know. We skipped the review on Friday, but when undead Satchel Paige has something important to say, you let him say it. That’s just one of life’s great aphorisms, one of the few not actually coined by Ol’ Satch himself.

But today? Today I’m sorry to say I’m back in the game of reviewing and recapping Back in the Game. And last week’s episode might be a game changer, people.

Danny’s still trying to get Vanessa to notice him, and following The Cannon’s advice, decides to become a bad boy. This involves him putting on a Metallica t-shirt, a knit cap, and a wallet chain, and saying things like, “Where’s your little boyfriend? Don’t care,” and “Want me to talk to [your parents]? Straighten them out?” Naturally, because negging is hilarious and awesome coming from 10 year olds, it works. But Danny’s bitten off more than he can chew, when he sneaks out of the house and gets slapped down in front of his lady love by a badder boy than he is.

Meanwhile, with her job as a waitress at the pizza parlor turning out to be somehow even worse than being a car dealer, and a sink full of dirty dishes no one else will do, Terry is just plain stressed out. What would cure that, you ask? Girls’ night out! At the club, Terry and Lulu (wait, IMDB tells me her character’s name is Gigi. I could have sworn she was called Lulu in the episode, so that’s what I’m going with), apparently the only women in the establishment, have a bevy of attractive gentlemen suitors to dance with. Terry, though, has too much to drink and spends the latter part of the episode hurling in the ladies’ room. Perhaps trying to reclaim her lost 20s in one night was a poor idea for this single mom/pizza waitress. Read the rest of this entry »

People in this world will argue that American singer-songwriter Mary J. Blige never attended the prom with the World Series trophy. They’ll suggest that while, yes, Blige did recently pose with said trophy ahead of performing the national anthem before Wednesday’s Game One, that she never put on her favorite purple top and got balls-to-the-wall pretty after consenting to attend her real high-school prom with an inanimate object as a 42-year-old woman for some reason.

One has no time for these agnostic sorts, however. As has been constantly borne out by events both current and historical, this is the best of all possible worlds. In the best of all possible worlds, Mary J. Blige has attended — has enjoyed attending — her prom with the World Series trophy as a strong, beautiful 42-year-old woman, amen.

This headline from the Dayton Daily News (“‘For Sale’ sign on [Brandon] Phillips’ neck”) made me think I was about to read a piece about Brandon Phillips and a very strange neck tattoo. As it turns out, it is merely an awkward headline about the Reds looking to trade Phillips and not a new addition to the bizarre and disturbing neck tattoo trend. (Is it a trend? Or have I only noticed neck tattoos recently? And why in the world would anyone ever want to get a tattoo on his neck? I mean, I don’t understand why anyone would want to get a tattoo anywhere, but on your NECK?)

This leads me to a neck tattoo quiz. Can you name the following players AND identify what the heck is pictured on their necks?

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Prepare your eye units for the majesty machine.

It’s hard to focus on this card without tears blurring eyes in grateful joy and supplication, but the NotGraphs GIF Inspection Team did manage to establish the following data points:

• 5 mustaches
• 0 glasses
• ~80% Topps, ~18% Donruss, ~2% other
• 0 Mariners and 0 Devil Rays — presumably because both sets of pitchers spend/spent equal time turning and watching as pitching
• 0 Rays and 0 Nationals — as we might expect from a piece of classical Art
• 0 Red Sox and 0 Cardinals — presumably because they are preparing for the worst World Series ever (for Rays-Cubs fans, such as your humble reporter)

Many blessings on Matt Pfeffer for distributing this unsourced GIF to us!

Shut up. Please shut up.
I’m begging you. Shut the fuck
up for one second.

This has been a NotGraphs Haiku, written mostly out of frustration, because the commentary during the postseason makes the games borderline unwatchable.

High five to Internet scholar @cjzero for the GIF.

“This isn’t just about flying another pennant in their stadium – their fourth in 10 years – or having the opportunity to win their 12^th World Series championship.

It’s about the responsibility of upholding tradition.

It’s for old-time baseball.

They want to show this generation, that yes, it’s still hip to be square.

‘This is St. Louis, we have values here,’ said Brian Schwarze, 32. ‘My grandfather used to always tell me, ‘This is a gentleman’s game. You play the game right.”

‘If he were alive watching what LA did, he’d be shaking his head.’

Schwarze just so happens to be the grandson of Stan Musial.”

-Bob Nightengale, earlier today, USA Today

Hi, I’m Satchel Paige (Ed. note: No, you aren’t. Shut up, Bates.). You might remember me from such “Mickey Mouse” antics as trash talking opposing batters, and walking the bases loaded, then telling all my fielders to sit down while I struck out the side. (Also, I don’t care who you are, Mickey Mouse is still funny.) (Ed. note: True.)

I was born 14ish years before Stan Musial, and began playing professional ball in 1926, when Stan the Man was just six years old, and played the next 32 years before I took a break. What’s more, I played opposite Musial from 1951-1953 as a member of the St. Louis Browns when I was in my mid-40s. Stan was a great player, and a wonderful guy, but I was probably pretty much the greatest pitcher who ever lived. (Ed. note: Where are you going with this?)

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With the 2013 MLB season coming to a close in the next couple of weeks, and since the remaining postseason games will feature match-ups in which I am more rooting against a team than rooting for any team, I figured now’s a good time to give my Year Rear End Review…

My mother started taking me to games at Milwaukee County Stadium when I was about six years old. We had a Brewers Game Gear Bag™ that we’d bring to every game. The staples:

• peanuts (salted, w/ shell)
• Twizzlers
• bottles of iced tea and/or water
• Milwaukee Brewers seat cushions
• my baseball glove
• AM/FM transistor headphones (for listening to Bob Uecker)
• binoculars

We brought binoculars because we normally had pretty bad seats: in the bleachers or at the far ends of the upper deck. Or at least, for many years, that’s why I thought we brought them. It wasn’t until I was ten years old or so– after we had been to a few games with much better seats to which my mother also brought the binoculars — that I realized she was brought them to look at Paul Molitor’s butt.

“There will never be another butt like Moli’s.” -Ma Baumann

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The neighborhood play has received some attention as of late. But if you look at that neighborhood … kinda boring right? Let’s spice it up by inserting famous neighborhoods into said neighborhood play. Read the rest of this entry »

With only four teams still playing baseball, interest in the 2013 season has no doubt mostly dissipated. Hence, the time seems right to begin transitioning to our cricket coverage here at NotGraphs. Because this is a new feature this year, and because most Americans are too boorish to have taken any interest in the sport before now, I’ll begin by familiarizing you with a few key cricketing concepts. For reference, we’ll use a contemporary account of an actual cricket “match”: namely, an account from just yesterday, entitled “Kohli stars, India pull off record chase.” Feel free to pull up the article and follow along to the best of your abilities, though your abilities as Americans are likely minimal.

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