Has the physical exhaustion of the endless middle-class toil got you down? Are you desperate for another in a long string of trivial distractions to amuse you and distract you from the harsh reality of the unblinking void? Allow this ancient, unanimated daguerreotype to bring a moment of Good Feelings into your life, or at least some cognitive dissonance.

The game: attached below is a photograph of the northern half of the present author’s home library.

(Embiggenation is a necessity for this particular activity. Click to do so.)

Majestic, no? Note the grandeur of the Ikea bookshelves, all named Billy. Take in the couch, a bloated and gaseous corpse, purchased in the Watergate era. Cast your eyes toward the crown molding, lending a touch of Ionic superciliousness. Finally, bathe in the radiant light of the books, all purchased for between $0.99 to $3.00 at thrift stores and public library book sales.

Once you’re finished being struck by awe, let’s move forward to The Game.

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Look, I’m not saying I would buy a sex robot. But if I did, its face would be a flat screen playing this on a loop.

The recent delivery of a goat’s head to Wrigley Field has renewed debate — at least in the circles I travel in, which consist mainly of myself — over the efficacy of the original, now-68-year-old Curse of the Billy Goat. The Cubs themselves are in little danger of overturning it, and yet there is indirect evidence for a weakening in its considerable force. I refer of course to the CBG’s principal corollary, the notorious Ex-Cubs Factor, which states in its purest form: “It is utterly impossible for a team with three or more ex-Cubs to win the World Series.”

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Strange thing. There’s something in here about Duane Kuiper typing in ‘FanGraphs’ on a computer and a revealing Jon Miller popping up with a bottle of Pinot Noir. I can’t make heads or tails of it.

KNBR Giants Post-Game Wrap, 9/8

A glass of my finest Northern California Pinot to Chris Cwik for his technical expertise.

Regardless of how drowsy he gets, the reader would do well
to avoid sleeping on Cleveland right-hander Carlos Carrasco.

Earlier today at RotoGraphs, Mike Podhorzer advised the teeming masses not to sleep on Cleveland right-hander Carlos Carrasco.

Sound advice, that — nor is Carrasco the only player with regard to whom said advice is relevant. There are number of other players upon whom we shouldn’t be sleeping.

A number a lot like seven, for example:

Dan Uggla
A relatively even surface is ideal for sleeping. Uggla, meanwhile, is composed almost entirely of biceps that bulge out all over his body. Not conducive at all for healthy sleeping practices. Don’t sleep on Dan Uggla.

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DISCLAIMER: I wrote 90% of this post last night, but by this morning, at least several people were talking about Evan Gattis’s Twitter avatar. None of them, however, provide the indispensable insights offered below.

By now, I’m sure that all of you know of Evan Gattis, his colorful path to the Majors, and his sledgehammer power.

“Is it surf-time yet, dude?”

Things that are awesome about this include: his hair; his ruddiness; the semantics of the ID itself.

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Welcome to the latest edition of the most important poll in the history of the universe. In case you missed our inaugural edition, you can find it here.

I ask you this, dear reader, and I ask you quite frankly — who is responsible for the following quote:

“Been on the honor roll, sculptures of my body out in Nagano, my shawty features like Madonna, Lo designer.”

Was it from heavyweight chef-turned-rapper Action Bronson, who gained acclaim in part for having a voice that bears an eerie resemblance to that of Ghostface Killah from the Wu-Tang Clan?

Action Bronson, who shares Cistulli’s passion for white watches.

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Fenway Park’s 820 game sellout streak ended yesterday. The sellout streak on my couch, capacity two, ended after one inning on opening day, when my wife remembered that she doesn’t derive any pleasure from watching Mets games on TV, and asked if I could mute the volume while she read The New York Times on her computer.

The one-inning sellout marked a breakthrough in couch attendance, which has held steady at 1 ever since last June, when I insisted that certainly watching the end of Johan Santana’s potential no-hitter — the first in Mets history — would be interesting even to a non-baseball fan.

The couch was at capacity for approximately three minutes until it was decided that using the bathroom would be a more interesting way for one of the two people in attendance to spend her time. She did not return to the couch. The short, three-minute sellout streak was over.

And while the occupant of row one, seat left, has allowed the couch’s Mad Men Watching Sellout Streak to reach [however many episodes there have been of Mad Men] despite his initial lack of interest and propensity to fall asleep while watching, somehow the Mets game never seems to be given that same chance. Yes, now I realize Mad Men is good, and, no, I admit the Mets will never be good, but still…

A new sellout streak is expected to start (and end) this Sunday, and last approximately the length of one Mad Men commercial break, unless we don’t start watching Mad Men until late, and then we’ll just fast forward through the breaks. The “following the game on the ESPN app on my iPhone while we watch something else” streak will remain strong.

Previously, in these pages, the author has celebrated the virtues of Pittsburgh right-handed prospect Phil Irwin’s curveball (like here and here, for example).

To say, for the author, that watching Irwin’s curveball is akin to climbing the rope in gym class is nearly an accurate statement. Indeed, for the author, watching Irwin’s curve is like climbing the rope in gym class — but only if also accompanied by the certain knowledge that the untoward and menacing Tim Sprague, a ninth-grader who has gym at the same time and is wont to harass the author without compunction, is tied up with a second length of rope, so as to render him harmless while the author climbs the aforementioned gym-class rope.

All of which is to say, below are three animated GIFs of Irwin’s curveball (all strikes looking) from his first and most recent start for Triple-A Indianapolis (box).

Like this first-inning one to Toledo DH John Lindsey:

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Like Frodo Baggins and Prince Adam of Eternia before him, Craig Counsell discovered throughout his career (whether by his own virtue or by association) that great things come from unexpected sources.

You yourself, reader, might be one such unexpected source of greatness. By the Power of Counskull, I encourage you: go out and do something amazing today.