Zizzy Is Coming to Murder You
Zizzy alongside FanGraphs’ own Matt Klaassen (last known photograph)
You went to a baseball game. After all, it was a fine day, you were visiting for spring training. Why not go to a baseball game, you thought? You couldn’t think of why not. And because of that, Zizzy, The Cincinnati Spring Training Mascot, is going to find you and murder you.
As you entered the ballpark and purchased a souvenir plastic cup of soda for five dollars, Zizzy saw you. Zizzy saw you, and he smiled, because he always smiles. But he was also pleased. After all, it was ninety degrees out, and the refills on the souvenir cups were only a dollar. That’s a good value. Zizzy admires a keen sense of finance.
But then as you reached the concourse you saw George Foster. George Foster was signing autographs for ten dollars under a tent, sitting alone. You saw him and made a joke about George Foster. What was the joke? You don’t remember. Something offhanded, something small. But Zizzy saw you. He was there and he took note of it.