There’s a possibility — like, probably about a 50% possibility or 65% possibility or something — that, at some point in his life, the reader will need to locate, with due celerity, action footage of former major-league shortstop and current minor-league pitcher Tony Pena Jr.

What this post at NotGraphs is all about is rendering that service real hard. “To what end?” the reader might ask. “Monetary gains? Political favors?” To which line of inquiry the author replies: “No. None of that. Only the satisfaction of having assisted a fellow pilgrim on this goddamn camino we call Life.”

Which is to say, what follows is Tony Pena pitching for Puerto Rican club Caguas Dominican club Escogido during Caribbean Series play earlier this afternoon.

First, striking out Dominican Puerto Rican outfielder Daniel Ortiz on a high-80s fastball:

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“With mounting intensity” describes the way in which the present author conducts much of his business — and characterizes, specifically, the manner in which that same author has turned his attention of late to the art and science of the bat flip. Recently, we have considered in these electronic pages the contributions to this developing canon of Hiroyuki Nakajima (link), Carlos Ruiz (link), and — owing to yeoman’s work done by Eno Sarris — an instantly regretful Japanese right-hander (link).

Today we consider the following bat flip, by Johnny Monell, from Saturday’s Caribbean Series contest between Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic. Monell, who is also a catcher in the Giants system, has already established his credentials so far as enthusiastic swings are concerned — so it’s not entirely surprising that he would continue his work in this field.

Here we find a GIF of Monell’s home-run swing:

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Sail-Rod indeed.

This is a man — Mr. F. Rodney — capable of setting the ERA record for relievers and tossing 34 shutdowns with only 2 meltdowns in 2012:

This is the naked version of that selfsame man:

Guess which version blew the save in Sunday night’s key Caribbean Series game?

Let’s not consider, reader, what course of events has led the childless and otherwise unencumbered author not only to seek out video of Arizona right-hander Chase Anderson’s plus changeup on this Saturday Night in America, but also to render that same footage into GIF form.

Rather, let’s consider the ways in which Chase Anderson’s changeup has facilitated ecstatic union with the One — like in that one book by Plotinus where he talks about attaining ecstatic union with the One.

Regard, from certain video of his appearance at the AFL Rising Stars game, here is Chase Anderson striking out Hak-Ju Lee via the changeup:

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I’m not supposed to post on Saturdays. And I get Groundhog’s Day off too, as NotGraphs adheres to all bank holidays, Christian holidays, Muslim and Jewish Holidays, Hindu Holidays, the good Canadian Holidays, and mammal-based holidays, such as the present one.

But news, unlike us, does not take a vacation and sip the nectar of goodwill from a shuttered post office.

Hark:

[Brooks] Conrad wore batting gloves during batting practice today because he developed blisters on his hands on Friday.

That selfsame Brooks Conrad rubbed his calloused hambones in the clay of many batter’s boxi across these well-lit United States (and one boxi in Canada); he squeezed tight his 52-ounce bat using only God’s creation, his muscly, determined fingers; commentators swooned as he fisted singles and doubles across North America’s green fields — but something was lost in translation, some majesty of a dusty plant foot and rotating hips, some charm in a jaw jutting with chaw; some magic must have altered its ingredients; the flavor isn’t the same; the spices have the same names but it doesn’t taste like home runs; a blister appears and suddenly it feels like I am wearing another man’s wardrobe.

Given enough time — and the gift of eternal life, one assumes — a monkey typing at random would almost surely produce all of Shakespeare’s plays.

Given an afternoon in Peter Gammons’ pocket, Peter Gammons’ cell phone will produce an endorsement, via Twitter, of my colleague Jackie Moore’s recent piece about Ken Caminiti.

Oh, morning. Wait … is it morning? What time is it? Really? Damn.

Look, the first thing I’m going to need you to do is turn down that light. My head is killing me. And stop yelling. Well, it sounds like you’re yelling. Just … talk quieter.

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