The Pittsburgh Pirates, who featured probably the worst center-field camera angle in all of baseball last season, appear to have changed that for the 2012 campaign. It’s almost definitely a top-five camera, at this point.
Josh Outman was placed on the Rockies’ DL with a strained oblique, due to excessive vomiting.
Apparently he got food poisoning at a Denny’s.
Boy, those meal allowances must be pretty low.
A commenter on Baseball Think Factory has the best quip:
Turns out Outman gave up a grand slam.
Apologies for my lackluster Photoshop skills. That’s supposed to be vomit coming from his mouth, not an alien ghost trying to be his friend.
What we do is assign cool nicknames to players rather than perpetuate the tired, lamewad practice of assigning cool players nicknames. Last time out, Nick Swisher did something humorous and unmentionable to the nickname “Señor Buttcheeks” and got a hearty laugh from all the cool kids. So Mr. Swisher has been added to our Hall of Honouur, which is so stately, so regal, so much itself a celebration of the Norman Conquest, that an extra British-English unstressed “u” is required for proper spelling …
With my sincere apologies to the wonderful Ogden Nash.
Line Up For Today:
A is for Alonso
That’s “Yonder Alonso” to you
BEST NAME OF ALL TIME:
Truth, truest, or true?
B is for Braun,
Whose pee was mishandle’,
Pissing off M.L.B.,
The stupidest scandal.
C is for Cespedes,
A slugger from overshore,
We don’t know how he’ll hit,
But he does love Star Wars.
D is for Dickey,
A favorite of many,
Who value climbing mountains,
Over striking out any.
Read the rest of this entry »
On Monday, I took your brains on a magical ride to a place where the sand flows like wine and the sun shines like the moon — Phoenix. Today, I bring the thrilling quasi-conclusion of that epic weekend.
For those who are having difficulty following the carefully crafted plot, check out the first video. It has already been submitted to Cannes with, quote, “High expectations.”
2011: “New season brings new hope for Manny Ramirez.”
1999: “Will this be the last season of baseball before the Earth is destroyed by Y2K?”
1969: “Welcome to the Montreal Expos, a team that will be in Montreal forever.”
1871: “Base Ball? This new sport will never last.”
If you’re partial to connoisseur’s baseball — the kind of ball-match in which runs are earned by grit, moxie and a toiler’s ethic — then yesterday’s Orioles contest should be to your liking:
Much as one does not merely walk into Mordor, a major-league team does not merely stride onto a diamond housing the ball-ists of Manatee Community College and expect to escape without a brawler’s bruises. If it consoles, then know that the vanquished Orioles share the yoke of the defeated with the mighty likes of Indian River State College and Polk State College and the University of Tampa junior-varsity squad and Florida State College-Jacksonville.
Indeed, not all who have dared square off against Manatee Community College have been as fortunate as Palm Beach State College and Chipola College and Seminole State College and Broward College (twice) and Florida State College-Jacksonville (thrice) and Polk State College and, well, quite a number of others, actually.
But no, not every team can be so kissed by the fates — so groped by the fates like a coquette on a Tokyo subway — as to escape the presence of Manatee Community College without a loss. Although that University of Tampa junior-varsity squad tied them at one point, it seems …
Anyhow, one might notice the gallery of tossers that the Orioles faced upon the yesterday …
Doubtless, the reader will be reminded of that solemn piece of base-and-ball doggerel, penned by Grantland Rice when he worked the MCC beat like a flatfoot on the Bowery …
So chins up, Orioles of Baltimore: for countless others have met such a fate!
But not Hillsborough Community College, it turns out.
I have to agree with Serengeti. Nobody hurts more than Bartman.
H/T: Gapers Block. Their Tumblr account, in particular.
This recent YouTube video imparts several bits of info about Miami Marlins (AKA “Those Miami Darlins”) owner Jeffrey Loria. To wit:
1. Jeffrey Loria appears as though he is chewing on something at all times, possibly the insides of his cheeks.
2. After watching some spring training action, Jeffrey Loria believes that the combination new Marlins/Darlins players and the team’s youngers players, who now have more experience, are ready to “gel into something special” in 2012.
3. Jeffrey Loria knows how to sign “gel into something special” in American Sign Language:
“Gel into something special”
A man of culture — and of regularly rigid arm hairs — Jeffrey Loria is.
