The FanGraphs-reading baseball nerd doesn’t just beat you, the two-time defending champion, in fantasy baseball. No, he beats you, and more; he goes that extra mile. Today, at NotGraphs, we celebrate the commitment, and considerable street and lyrical talents, of one Mike Cook.
Mr. Cook, thank you. It’s no coincidence your initials are, of course, M.C. The floor is yours …
While the operating assumption is that most old-tyme base-ballists — at least those born right-wise — all looked like Blast Furnace O’Dwyer, recent curated images suggest this is not the case. In point of fact, some who played alongside the Boileryard Clarkes of our hoary past looked not unlike scaly, foreboding lizard-squires with eyes the size of large eyes. Please click and embiggen for lucky-best evidence!:
No doubt, you’ve heard your grandpappy drone on that “An otherwise blackhearted, upright tautara-man would’ve made that play! You should’ve seen those bleedin’ eyes they had!” Now you’ll know that it wasn’t just the scotch, medications and fast-approaching abyss talking.
(HT: The Internet)
What emotion is the Cards’ skipper feeling right now?
During the first game of the world series, the booth had a chance to talk to Tony La Russa about emoting in the dugout. They pointed out that Ron Washington had a much more expressive style and asked the Cardinals manager about his emotional state.
To paraphrase the stoic response (delivered with a smirk), La Russa said that he was broiling on the inside. And that Washington’s style (“when you do something good, show your emotions“) was fine as long as it came from a genuine place.
Popular psychology has a preference for emoting. The American Pyschological Association states that anger “turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.” Recent medical research even suggests that a single tear can help reduce allergies and reduce pain from arthritis — and maybe even help regulate the immune system.
What do our psychological cornerstones have to say on the subject? Would they want La Russa to emote more?
When Lil’ Wayne was 16 he bought his first Mercedes-Benz, and when I was 8 I bought my first baseball cards: a crisp pack of ’97 Bowman. A magical summer later (and almost a magical fall, until Edgar Rentaria broke my young Cleveland area-heart) I was hooked on the stuff, this particular set becoming a sentimental favorite. Throughout the years I have come close to acquiring the complete set (the crown jewel being Jaret Wright’s RC, which I bought for twenty bucks at a card convention the March before the 1998 season*), but stopped when I discovered girls and drugs and D.H. Lawrence and stuff.
*Fun Fact: The Indians turned down a Jaret Wright-Pedro Martinez swap at the exact moment I made this purchase.
Why am I thinking about this today? Because when I did collect cards, I used to look at them – a lot – and one card that keeps popping into my head as I watch this World Series is Lance Berkman’s RC, an image I could never shake because of how goofy it is: Berkman, with that trademark boyish smile, leaning on a beat-up white truck (?) in the parking lot (?) of the Astrodome.
This was a much simpler time in my life, a Wonder Years before all the teenage angst.
Adrian Beltre’s RC card is somewhere in here too, and, although it’s not as memorable as Fat Elvis, it is charmingly awkward. (Also, among his “Skills” listed on the back are the “classic wrists” of a future “HR machine”).
On E-Bay you can get either one in pretty good condition for around 99 cents, while Jaret Wright’s card is gonna cost you at least a cool dollar – ADVANTAGE: Cleveland.
In honor of the 58th birthday of Keith Hernandez — board-certified Magnificent Bastard — I’m re-posting Rob Perri’s objectively perfect short film titled “I’m Keith Hernandez.” I might just make a yearly thing of this, at least until I die gruesomely in the year 2016. Please enjoy!
I’m Keith Hernandez from water&power on Vimeo.
Keith Hernandez is almost certainly not one of the five people you meet in heaven, but that’s only because he’s a real threat to make love to the other four.
Those who watched Game One of the World Series will be aware — and those who didn’t watch will learn right now — that FOX experimented with a thermal-imaging camera during their telecast Wednesday night. The cameras, supplied by Australian Warren Brennan, are designed to detect heat — including the friction-type of heat generated by a ball hitting a bat, for example.
Using our vast resources, NotGraphs has purchased its own thermal-imaging camera and used it towards, if not nefarious, then at least generally irreverent, ends.
For example, here we find the image of Mike Napoli included in Robert J. Baumann’s debut post at NotGraphs:
Using thermal-imaging technology, however, we are able to locate the various “hot spots” in the image.
While the heat emanating from head of the swimmer to the left — and from Napoli’s (ahem) lower body — is self-explanatory, the reader might be confused about the warm area below Napoli’s chin and neck. Amazingly, this is due to the friction caused by the considerable rate at which Napoli’s chest hair grows.
Game 2 is all about hair and facial hair. De-HAIR-o-types, amirite?
Quick! Which St. Louis Cardinal is this?!
Well, you can’t, because your spreadsheet’s not big enough.
If hot success eludes you, then baseball sort-of great Chuck Knoblauch is here to help. How exactly? This is how, exactly:
I have no idea whether the purchase of the above bit of Textile-Based Merchandise entitles the doer of business to a Twitter follow from Mr. Knoblauch, but that’s hardly the point. The point, friends and lovers, is that everyone you meet will be under the impression that baseball sort-of great Chuck Knoblauch follows you on his Twitter computer. As Martin Heidegger once queried, “Who gives a damn shit if what you purport to be true is actually true, baby!” The question is rhetorical, which is why there’s no question mark.
As we’ve told you before, NotGraphs is nothing if not an appointment with the secrets of triumph — lion-hearted triumph at the office, in the gym and in the bedroom. I scarcely need say this, but the same goes for a t-shirt that claims Chuck Knoblauch follows you on Twitter.
2020 Super Baseball is a very weird game.
Basically, take Baseball Stars (it has the same teams, like the Ninja Black Sox, and the same mechanics), add in some wacky rules (only a tiny portion of the field is foul territory and it’s only a home run if it goes in the “Home Run Area” in center field), and fast forward to a society in the far off year of 2020, and there you have Super Baseball 2020.
I decided to play as the “Battle Heroes,” because, why not, and the computer randomly picked the “Aussie Battlers”. Since the Heroes wear red and the Battlers wear blue (and, Australia is basically the Texas of continents), I guess I’m playing as the Cardinals this time. As much as that hurts me deep inside.
