Either I’m a big fan of James Lipton or I’ve gotten lazy when it comes to asking questions. But today marks the beginning of something I hope we’ll see a lot of: Inside The Baseball Studio.

Lipton is the zen master and mind-effer of Hollywood’s biggest stars on his show Inside The Actor’s Studio. Let’s see what happens when baseball’s more awesome personalities sit down and get Ice Tea’d. (Lipton, get it. Okay, it was a stretch.) Take two: Let’s see what happens when baseball’s more awesome personalities get Lipton’d. Here’s Bronson Arroyo answering actual questions asked on Inside The Actor’s Studio.

What is your favorite word?

Bronson Arroyo: Favorite word? Hmm, I’d have to say, when you’re playing golf when you only have only a certain amount of holes left and the best they can do is tie you, it’s called dormie. Dormie is my favorite word.

What is your least favorite word?

BA: Least favorite word is probably “like.” Everybody goes around saying like like like.

What is a sound you love?

BA: Rain.

What is a sound you hate?

BA: Nails on a chalk board.

What is your favorite curse word?

BA: Fuck.

What profession other than baseball would you like to try?

BA: The easy answer for me is music, but when I was a kid I always wanted to be a chiropractor. I know, it’s weird, but my dad would bring me and I thought it was cool that this guy could make you feel better by making your bones go crack crack crack and there’s your $45 have a good day.

What profession would you want to avoid?

BA: Roofer. My dad was a roofer in Key West, Florida and being up putting down sheet metal there in 110 degree heat is no fun.

What makes you cry?

BA: Watching old time sports shows on like ESPN about guys like Peter Maravich and it always has that emotional music.

If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you get to the pearly gates?

BA: Thank god there’s not religion in heaven.

If the image above is to be believed, then it’s a not-at-all-pleased Vin Mazzaro and not your smiling grandpa who waits for you on the other side. Mr. Mazzaro, of course, is famous in these pages for enduring this particular conga line of indignities.

You may also recall that Mr. Mazzaro was dispatched to the bus-and-roommates league shortly after that impossibly grim turn of events. Well, Mr. Mazzaro is back under the brighter lights and higher per diems of Kansas City, and in his most recent outing he fared quite well. But then there’s this caption …

Royals starter Vin Mazzaro scattered five hits over seven innings and lowered his ERA to 10.80.

Seven scoreless and the ERA is still 10.80. Not even the steady urine stream of a giant god-man can extinguish these smoldering embers.

The footage you see here is from the bottom of the eighth of last (Tuesday) night’s contest between San Diego and Colorado. On a 1-1 pitch to Rockie rookie Chris Nelson, Padre rookie reliever Evan Scribner threw basically the dictionary definition of a yakker.

The pitch, according to Pitch F/x data from Brooks Baseball, was thrown at 71 mph, had 4.7 inches of glove-side run and 11.2 of drop — this, relative to the major-league averages for a curve of 77, 5.8, and 6.0. Scribner’s averages, for reference, are as follows: 71.1, 6.1, 9.8. In other words, he’s generally throwing it slower and, consequently, with more depth, than an “average” curve. He threw three on Tuesday, but this was the deepest by, like, four inches.

While it may or may not be the case that Scribner’s curve is actually effective in terms of getting outs in the majors, it’s certainly a pleasure to watch… over and over and over. Big, bending curves like his are, for me, the baseballing equivalent of a young Sophia Loren in that my first impulse is to try and make a baby with it. Beyond that, Nelson’s reaction adds to the pleasure of this tableau — especially considering that the pitch is called a strike.

It looks like Scribner’s currently throwing the curvepiece ca. 38% of the time now, so, if you’re watching a Padre game and he (i.e. Scribner) called upon, you’re more than likely to see him.

http://youtu.be/-l3IXTQDsDg

Desks? Thrown!

Pitches outside the strike zone? Taken!

Scott Hatteberg? Frigging lionized!

I do love me some baseball, Nancy, and I do want to know where you’re going with this.

Grazie x 1000 to The Playlist via Erik Malinowski of Wired.com’s Playbook.

(Full disclosure: purchased at a Goodwill for $1.49.)

For years in the late 80s, Classic sold trivia games that “played like the real-life game of baseball”, especially the part of the game when the pitcher spins a spinner and then asks the batter a trivia question.  This led to some exciting showdowns, such as the moment when Dennis Eckersley asked Kirk Gibson a question that happened to be about Gibson’s own childhood, culminating  in that famous limp around the basepaths. It is not impossible that this event led laid the foundation for the second golden era of the televised game show, running from 1999-2008.

Classic cleverly designed their board game by doubling the trivia cards as actual baseball cards, thus rendering them instantly collectible.  The format of my particular game set, series 3, bears early cards of such luminosities as Chipper Jones, Frank Thomas, Adam Hyzdu, Alex Fernandez, and Nolan Ryan’s son Reid.  The card borders, a rich lemon with random navy tiger stripes, make 1991 Fleer look reserved by comparison.  Each card also leaves a helpful 3/8” autograph box on the bottom of the back of the card, because if you’re lucky enough to get an autograph from your favorite baseball player, that’s exactly where you’d want to look at it.

But enough talk!  You don’t come to NotGraphs to read.  You come to NotGraphs to play outdated trivia games with faceless internet writers.  So put on your imagination cap and play some trivia, using whatever spinner you happen to have near the computer.  Try your hand at the actual questions on the backs of these cards.  Answers and scores after the bump.

“Rookie” level questions (1 point):

(11) What is a no-hitter?

(68) How many balls are there in a 3-2 count?

(9) What are the foul lines made out of?

(62) Who is the “longman”?

“Double” level questions (2 points):

(91) I hold the All-Star game record for most sacrifice flies.  Who am I?

(89) I hold the All-Star game record for runs allowed in an inning.  Who am I?

(60) I was called “Buster” by my Yankee teammates.  Who am I?

“Triple” level questions (3 points):

(79) I caught Nolan Ryan’s 2nd no-hitter.  Who am I?

(86) I set a Baltimore opening day RBI record in 1990.  Who am I?

(45) I am the only ML pitcher to win games in 4 different Canadian stadiums.  Who am I?

“Home Run” level questions (11 points each):

(64) I am the Mariners all-time saves leader.  Who am I?

(69) Who became the 200th Toronto Blue Jay?

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I don’t want to go entirely overboard just yet because the 35th anniversary of The Day The White Sox Wore Shorts isn’t until August 8. But, in the service of whetting the appetites of those who appreciate the breadth of human beauty and endeavor, here’s just a taste. A delicious, decadent, pulsating, sexy taste …

Now go and tell the jurisdictional authorities that you’ve met your recommended daily allowance for dignity.

A: Probably all of them.

Doff of a non-racist hat to Scott Skillings on Twitter

Scott Spiezio’s soul patch asks the big questions.

While NotGraphs readers are assuredly still chuckling audibly from yesterday’s post concerning Angeleno pitcher Rubby de la Rosa and his alarming condition, it’s actually the case that de la Rosa’s isn’t necessarily the strangest of the strange injuries.

Below are five totally real and so-not-fictional injuries to’ve happened to players of late.

Regard:

Player: Jim Edmonds
Injury: Ingrown Cleat
Comment: I recognize it doesn’t sound painful, but, like a paper cut or Intro to Anthropology, hurts way more than you’d expect.

Player: Johnny Cueto
Injury: Rejected Hoodie
Comment: This is less of a physical, and more of an emotional, injury. But that doesn’t make it any less real, okay.

Player: Scott Spiezio
Injury: Existential Angst Patch
Comment: This is that thing of when your soul patch enters a prolonged spiritual crisis.

Player: Craig Counsell
Injury: Dangerous Liaisons
Comment: Counsell and his rival, the Vicomte de Valmont, use sex as a weapon of humiliation and degradation, all the while enjoying their cruel games. Their targets are the virtuous (and married) Madame de Tourvel and Cécile de Volanges, a young girl who has fallen in love with her music tutor, the Chevalier Danceny. In order to gain their trust, Merteuil and Valmont pretend to help the secret lovers so they can use them later in their own treacherous schemes.

Player: Todd Coffey
Injury: Hysterical Pregnancy
Comment: There’s a fine line between a little overweight and being “with child,” turns out. Luckily for Coffey, this was just the former.

Top Gun-style bro hug to Craig Glaser, Adam M. Mirchin, and other Internet Friends for soul patch-related wisdom.

In the ninth inning of Sunday’s AAA Norfolk Tides-Durham Bulls game, Tides manager Gary Allenson was overcome with the insatiable urge to travel. Thanks to modern technology, the whole episode is available online for repeat viewings.

Allenson’s journey was precipitated by a deep flyball off the bat of Tyler Henson, which cleared the centerfield wall, but not the fence above and a bit behind it. By the ground rules, this is an automatic double. Mr. Allenson was believing none of it, and went to see for himself.

Over at IndyWeek.com, Adam Sobsey’s excellent recap (which I encourage you to read) of the night’s events has the money quote:

“My point with the umpire, when they changed it to being a ground-rule double, was: How do you know that’s the ball [that Henson hit]?” Allenson said. “… That’s why I climbed the wall: maybe I could find a ball out there, too. Maybe there are five balls out there. Maybe I’ll find a ball that’s a little wet and I’ll rub it up and it’ll be dry.”

Some observations:

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Joe West will meet you — and toss you — any time, any place, boy.

Original image credit: Daily Dose of Imagery.