Server Error in '/' Application.

---

Where I imagine The Great Ejector practices his form, in uniform, every morning.

Image credit, and my inspiration: Daily Dose of Imagery.

What follows is the work of a YouTube auteur that’s titled, “Dancing Baseball With Mustache.” In this, the age of half-truths, the age in which deception has become hardwired instinct, it warms the heart cockles to learn that, yes, this is indeed a video of a dancing baseball with mustache. In fact, this baseball does what he does — i.e., dances while wearing a mustache on his fake face and a mangled farmer’s tan on his adorable grafted arms — for almost five full minutes. Some might call that boring. In turn, some might call that high treason.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to watch almost five full minutes of a Dancing Baseball With Mustache, then that is what we do …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O2LMBcp9ss

Every tournament must begin with its blowouts. It’s the way of the number one seed in the first round. So don’t cry a tear for Mike Flanagan, he’s already gone. The goofy happiness of the 1981 Fleer Bruce Sutter was just too much for him to overcome. Honestly, how do you say anything negative in the face of such unbridled optimism and joy? Not happening.

And now we have our final blowout in the making. Once again, we find ourselves with a couple relievers touting full facial hair. Unfortunately for one, the other owns a legendary nickname. It may be a fait accompli, but let’s play this one out, shall we? Because then we can get on to the closer matchups and root for some underdogs.

#8. 1989 Topps Steve Bedrosian
Guys? Guys? Are we sure about this? I mean, he’s crazy. The Mad Hungarian they call him. I don’t really want to get in the ring with him. I mean, sure, I like my full beard. And I am a closer – pretty good one, had 28 saves last year. But come on, dude has enough screws loose to put up a house. I don’t know, I don’t feel good about this. Guys? Guys?

Read the rest of this entry »

In case you missed it, please be advised, reader, that the Mets continued their important research in the field of Ways to Lose last night, falling 9-8 to the Braves in 10 innings after not only conceding a two-run lead in the bottom of the ninth, but then, in a truly inspired flight, losing the game on a walkoff balk.

Reliever D.J. Carrasco delivered the coup de grâce, but it would be unforgivable not to recognize the contributions of Francisco Rodriguez, who allowed the ninth-inning, game-tying home run to Brooks Conrad, and also to Lucas Duda for mishandling a Jordan Schafer grounder to extend the inning and put runners on first and third for Jason Heyward.

The balk itself, you’ll notice, isn’t particularly grievous — but a balk nonetheless. Truly, though, the star of this particular show is Heyward, whose excited gesture back to home-plate umpire James Hoye and subsequent fist pump are stirring in the best possible way.

Letters of Note, which traffics in noteworthy letters, has unearthed a baseball-ing document from way back yonder in 1898, when men were men and diseases were just, just great. The subject of the missive in question? Sporting gentleman John T. Brush wanted to rid our fair game of the maledictions and impieties common to those who were not raised right-wise.

By all means, click, embiggen and quaff deeply:

What is most pleasing about this letter is that Mr. Brush takes pains to quote the salty (yet, to these ears, soaringly beautiful) phrasings of the time. Because of Mr. Brush’s meticulous cataloging, fans of the era would know that when a baseball-ist quipped, say, “I f****d your mother, you sister, your wife,” he was indulging in ruffian’s talk and was quite likely a cad and a masher. Lest there be any confusion about that.

So it turns out that not all about the Gilded Age was gilded. You big asshole.

There are seminars on race, gender, and sexuality at universities all over this American nation, and yet none of them, to my knowledge, has ever produced a compelling taxonomy of the Phillie Phanatic.

As regards the human portrayer of the Phanatic, both video evidence and the internet suggest that it’s likely a heterosexual man.

Internet denizen Pat Andriola has brought to the world’s attention this actually official document, which reveals that R.A. Dickey was, in fact, the recipient of no less than one vote for New York’s most recent gubernatorial election.

While members of our crack Investigative Reporting Investigation Team have been unable to learn the identity of Dickey’s supporter, they (i.e. said Team) have discovered that it was, indeed, American filmmaker Woody Allen who voted for The Void.

BleacherReport.com is much maligned in certain quarters of the sports fan internets. In my opinion, the ridicule heaped upon this humble web endeavor has reached truly absurd proportions. If not necessarily a source for quality sports analysis and discussion, BR is absolutely a source for quality art.

With only minimal effort (and alterations), I have uncovered some of the more beautiful sports-related poetry you will ever read.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve long maintained that “Baby Leopard” should be someone’s nickname. And now that the following daguerreotype has been loaded down onto and into my Internet computer keyboard and attached reflective screen, I am even more steadfast in that belief …

You can often identify a Great Man of History by the pearl-handled revolver he keeps tucked in his spats or the unfailing fact that, when posting for photographic images, he places the fingers of his dominant hand, which are sturdy but conclusively not hot-doggish, just within the lapels of his camelhair topcoat, between the fourth and fifth gold lamé buttons. In the absence of such evidence, you can identify a Great Man of History by the heirloom chalice in his grasp, the baby leopard on his arm and the brassy paid whore in his memory. That right-wise John McGraw, he was a Great Man of History!

The lesson, lads? One does not simply walk into Mordor. Unless one is John McGraw.

H/T: The lot of you, really.

Your eyes do not deceive you. That is indeed the box art for the long awaited latest installment from 1K sports, MLB 1K884. And who else could be on the cover than Charley Radbourn, he of the 59-12 record and 1.38 ERA for the ‘884 Grays (talk about video game numbers).

The game includes all the features we’ve come to expect from the masters at 1K sports, including

– Career mode, including offseason mill work!
– Realistic injury handling, including appendage removal minigame!
– Player Ratings!
— Bunt
— Field
— Throw
— Pitch
— Hit for average
— Speed
— Stamina (General; Opiates; Women)
— Fisticuffs
— Mustaches
– Murder!
– The revolutionary Syphillis Tracking Meter!

I also hear the first to throw a perfect game wins a crisp new $10 bill! Such a prize is sure to produce some stiff competition, so put in your pre-orders today!