Zim Bear Is Real

Dateline: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg Florida

I was minding my own business, reading over the pregame notes for the Rays and Tigers. I turned my head for a few moments to gaze at the batting practice display of Prince Fielder. After returning to my upright and forward position I was startled to find the horrifyingly creepy and irksome Zim Bear sitting on my shoulder, his plush feet aiding in his sneak attack on my person.

Don’t let anyone fool you, he is not an inanimate object merely handed out like a cheap party favor. He is REAL. I am currently being held against my will. He will not leave.

Help.