Your Move, Brian Wilson’s Beard

Yeah, Brian Wilson’s two-seamer (featured below!) is impressive enough, and I can forgive his reluctance to brawl with randomly outraged A’s fans. What I shall not abide is if Mr. Wilson and his face-forest duck out on this:

The Second Annual $5000 Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships will take place on October 8, 2011 at the Clipper Magazine Stadium, in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

That’s right, Wilson: The Second Annual $5000 Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships. You know it’s serious because “Beard” is mentioned twice. You know it’s for the discriminating gentleman because “Moustache” is spelled with an “ou,” which is, of course, the preferred spelling of the hardy and right-wise.

Oh sure, it’s possible Mr. Wilson’s team will have something of the postseason-ish flavoring scheduled for October 8, but I see no reason he can’t take a cue from baseball legend Deion Sanders and be hustled by giant flying machine from one event to the other.

Wilson, your beard may be baseball’s best (at least now that Bo Diaz is no longer with us), but can it stack up with the likes of Devin Cara, who is pictured above and surely pleases the crumbled bones of Aaron Burr?

So, Wilson, is that a beard on your mug or a gathering of tiny, hairlike cowards? We’ll find out on October 8.

We hoped you liked reading Your Move, Brian Wilson’s Beard by Dayn Perry!

Please support FanGraphs by becoming a member. We publish thousands of articles a year, host multiple podcasts, and have an ever growing database of baseball stats.

FanGraphs does not have a paywall. With your membership, we can continue to offer the content you've come to rely on and add to our unique baseball coverage.

Support FanGraphs




Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

newest oldest most voted
spliff(TONE)
Guest
spliff(TONE)

You may want to be more careful when calling out Brian Wilson’s beard in the future….