You Are Pleasantly Baseball

Yu Darvish took his first ride on the Range. He pitched well, and comfortably. Yu Darvish, I suspect, does everything well, and comfortably. Had his parents been disinclined toward greatness, they would not have named him for a pronoun and an adjective. Small matter that we mortal English speakers fail to recognize that adjective. Yu does not consult the dictionary. The dictionary consults Yu. He is at home among the Races of Middle-Earth, when he so chooses. (Gil-galad was a Darvish king. / Of him the harpers sadly sing.) He is at home amidst Victorian nonsense. (‘Twas brillig, and the darvish toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.) And he is at home on the proverbial street. (Ball so hard / This sh*t darvish.)

Darvish, in fact, is its own tongue. For the scholars among you, I include here an excerpt from its key text, Thoughts of Yu, rendered as faithfully as possible* into English orthography. Observe the exotic metaphors, the syntactic contortions, the cryptic interjections, the lapses into pure mathematical notation. Translation, in the end, is doomed to failure. Yu may be rendered as a Ranger. But Yu will not be rendered as one of us.

“Camp”

Slow, the battery camp began from February 23! Surprise of the camp of the Arizona Rangers is a very good environment, you are pleasantly baseball. Here, many balls of his (laughs), because you do not need you will need to change the cultural diversity you have to worry about with the environment, to a question, it is … it is prior to the team in place, it is to be able to adapt, or adapt to pretty good, the largest of which is the difference between a slice of bread, so people around you (^ ^), the only concern, because it is avoided, does not. I, the elements (^ O, the ^) before participating for the first time that it is, J · D he is, because I have a lot of people, “I Bakkari I a good person”, I have heard / \ zero that there is it! There is also a very good baseball here … now. Say who! In addition, without losing any speed of today’s pitching, you may not have a batting-practice pitcher for the second time. Without overdoing it, I’m the future!

* Via repeated and liberal use of Google Translate.