What’s Wrong with Mike Napoli’s Hips?

Nearly three weeks ago, the Boston Red Sox supposedly struck a deal with free agent Mike Napoli. He still has not signed. There are reports that Napoli’s physical brought up some questions about his hips, stalling negotiations and leading the Red Sox to begin discussions with Adam LaRoche to take the vacant first base position.  So what exactly is wrong with Napoli’s hips? The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has completely fabricated the following possibilities:

Hips are actually made of cottage cheese

Striking out 30% of the time really takes its toll on the body

Early-onset Oldpeopleitis

His hips actually do lie

Crystal meth habit

Backyard wrestling injury

Brett Lawrie threw a helmet at him

An exorbitant amount of rump shaking

Did not consult his doctor before taking Abilify

Hot-yoga accident

Hot, yoga accident

Tackled by Kevin Walker

Totally took a digger during paintball